All Comments on 'Wife Gets a Good Rub Down and More'

I think you could massage her front before the games begin, It would help your story

That at the first chance, not only does she cheat on him but wants to get pregnant by another man.

If that's love, then I'm the King of England.

But then she might lose the money and lifestyle the workaholic provides. Yeah, she's really a good wife and mother. Lame plot and characters. Read more, write better.

....she only wanted his love, and he was never there.

Funny how that logic seems to work for so many cheating wives. I notice they never mention amking any effort to express their growing concern over the increasing distance between them...they just wait quietly and hope....then at so,earbitrary time, go off and find someone else to fuck.

Well, that's not entirely honest, but neither is the way you represent both the husband and the wife. I'm sure it was just more convenient this way, but serves most of all to make your story seem trite and common....with all the other, "I fucked (enter name, title, or job description here), because my husband neglected me" stories in LW.

Readers aren't stupid and this most tawdry of all excuses begs a scorched earth response, as much because it is so lame, as because you stooped to it.

Sorry. I gotta say it like I see it.

Now, the technical presentation was quite good, but you need more editing and review to fix those little nagging bits you missed....several issues with spelling, punctuation and the like. Only worth mentioning because they tend to make the read unnecessarily bumpy.

This is probably the best second person story I've read on this site. Saying that, I still think your story would have been much stronger in either 1st or 3rd person. As pointed out earlier, you did have a few rough spots in your writing craft, which, by the way, I think 2nd person makes more obvious.

Good Luck! Keep writing.

Nicely written story. Hope you write more.