All Comments on 'William'

I never do this, but this story was so bad...

You really have to either learn how to spell, or learn good grammar!

IF you choose to write another story (God, help us), at least have one of the volunteer editors go over it for you first.

Apart from the kindergarten level of grammar, your story was well written.

who cares about grammer, this is about erotica. Your story was very erotic and my pussy was dripping with anticipation. The whole point is to bring me to a different place and feel the tension and finally the release. You provided me with both...please write more!

This is one sexy and intriguing story. William has a lot yet to learn. For a novice he's doing better than usual, but he's relying mostly on instinct. Now that's all well and good, especially since he's hitting the right spots, but it's by accident, not intent. So, he needs practice, lots of practice...and his meeting and chat leaves a lot to be desired, as well as learning the clues a woman gives a guy.

I hope to see several sequels as he learns. It may take awhile since he does seem a bit slow on the uptake.

awsome story... a few mistakes so what... i recon they were cute...

i really enjoyed reading your story

ty

To those who say grammar doesn't matter because it's erotic literature then you're very wrong. Erotic writers have established a cornerstone of success and grammar matters. Just ask the editors when you try to publish. It brings the flow to the erotic story. Adds mystery and carries the conversation between characters.

The basis of this story is good. But the grammar, cliche's and conversation between the characters did nothing to enhance the story.

Keep writing. Never give up. Rejection slips and negative comments are part of the joy.

Short and a little choppy in the sentace structure but I think you did ok. Decent build up but very streamlined in content. Good luck in the future.

its excellent..but..you should make it more details ya know?

I can not speak for everyone but I enjoyed it very much. Don't worry about spelling too much. I can see a sequel to this story is required.

I am not going to lie. I got off by reading this. I can really relate to Willam. I am just trying to imagine how my first time will be. Anyhow I love the details!

It was a good story, and you're both capable of writing good fiction in the future. You might want to pay attention to the characters' speech; it didn't sound natural, or what a person would actually say in that situation.

A great piece of writing. Sexy, well designed, a good length without feeling padded or stretched. The characters are believable - I actually spoke like William once, and was a virgin for much the same reasons.

A good, fun work of fiction. Thank you.

Grammar comments are not negative. They are, in fact, attempts at improving a individual story and other stories in the future. For a reader, repeatedly encountering a word that is used improperly is a distratction that detracts from the flow of an otherwise interesting tale. Sure, we may get the gist, but the qualitiy of the experience is diminished.

This was the first story of yours that I have read. Grammar issues aside, I liked it. I just read the Supermarket story you published this year, as a comparison. I liked it's plotline as well, and am happy to see the grammar has improved. However, I still think your stories would benefit from the use of an independent editor.

Glad to see you're writing again. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Way too many typos.I'm not gonna go back and edit it - one example was the use of the word "loose" when you meant "lose"

That's bigger than my fist! Look at the profiles on dating sites and 'No fisting' isn't rare!

On the other hand, if you meant 4.5" round, that isn't really thick at all!

Follow the standard advice on size of pricks and tits, just say 'big' or 'massive' or similar words, don't use numbers!!!

Superb . 5 stars. The older setting start was different & added to final scene

not sure if this is the first story collaboration between you two or?

Yes spelling and grammar are important, it doesn't matter if it's a newspaper or fanfic or erotica.

Also, if it was a collaboration how come neither of you proofread such as the grammar but there's random added letters and misspellings.. Also the wording and some of the sentences seemed off, did someone just go to the thesaurus like who writes diverse describing a man on top? I suppose it's different but it definitely does not sound sexy.

I gave 4 stars, if I could give 3.5, I would.

those that give you five an hour present you acting like you're gods, they're blowing smoke up your ass, it is not that great of a story.