Winter Break Ch. 05

This is an ongoing story. It might be a good idea to read the first four chapters first.

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CHAPTER 5

The room erupted into a whirlwind of chaos and chatter. "He needs a kidney!" Allison. "He said he doesn't want it!" Amy. "He'll die!" Melissa. "Maybe we should just let him!" Their mother.

Tom backed away from his father's hospital bed and found Danny standing behind everyone. "What did he tell you?"

Danny shook his head at Tom. "Not now."

"He doesn't want my help, now is fine," Tom insisted.

"You need to deal with your family Tom," Danny retorted. "I'll see you at home." He said the second part a little more kindly.

"They're your family too, Danny," Tom said under his breath as he watched him walk out the door. He wanted to follow him but stood rooted in place, glancing between the door and his family standing over a dying man he barely knew, arguing. When he made his decision and started for the door his mother stopped him. "Where are you going?" she demanded.

"Home, with Danny," Tom answered her kindly despite the vitriol in her voice.

"Your father is dying," his mother reminded him, as if he wasn't already aware.

Tom stared at her for a long beat. "Yes. Something he has chosen. He doesn't want my help. Why are we standing around forcing him to live if he doesn't want to?"

From behind him his father's voice broke through. "I'm going to die anyway. My entire body is broken. Who's gonna take care of me? You?" He aimed that at his ex wife. "Any of you?"

Tom turned from his mother and looked at his father. They had all been so focused on the man needing a kidney; no one had even asked what his other injuries were.

"You have insurance, that's what it's for," Tom's mother retorted.

"Cathy." He said her name with equal parts exasperation and love long gone. "What kind of life am I going to live and for how long? I'll be on dialysis. On medication. I'll need around the clock care. I'm paralyzed below the waist. I have a catheter and need oxygen pumped into my lungs just so they work. So they give me a new kidney and what, all that other stuff goes away? I won't put Tommy through a risky surgery to prolong my life for a short time."

Tom's mother sighed deeply. "Whatever." She'd had enough.

"I'll be right outside," Tom said with a gentle touch of his mother's shoulder. When he stepped out the hallway was quiet, white, sterile; a stark contrast to the chaos that he had just left. It reflected the peace he felt despite the situation. He did what he thought was right, he offered to save a man he hardly knew. He had let go of the dream of a father/son relationship long ago.

One by one his sisters joined him in the hallway. Amy was subdued. She knew their father about as much as Tom did. Melissa was a little more emotional. Allison was the one that needed most consoling. They stood gathered together in the hallway.

"He chose to leave us a long time ago," Amy said quietly.

"Aim, mom kicked him out," Melissa replied, but her attempt at standing up for the man was weak, and by the look on her face she knew it.

"After he cheated," Tom reminded them.

"Enough," Allison said, louder than she meant to, she lowered her head. "The man's dying."

Tom was about to argue when his mother stepped into the hall. Her face was streaked with tears. "He's gone," she said between sobs.

The quiet hallway suddenly became a whirlwind of action. Footsteps against the linoleum floor alerted Tom that people were running. Doctor Sullivan led a procession of nurses heading toward their father's room. "What happened?" she yelled over her shoulder as she opened the door. The steady beeping of the machines inside were now a chorus of loud alarms and alerts and the noise was unsettling.

"He just gave up," Cathy answered her question but the doctor was already inside tending to her patient.

By the time they got home from the hospital every one of them was exhausted. Tom made his way up to his room to find Danny, and possibly collapse into a long nap. When he stepped into the room it was empty. He looked around to make sure he was seeing things right, but he knew he was. Danny's bags were gone. His heart skipped. He looked around the room one more time. On a pillow on the bed he and Danny had been sharing was a piece of paper.

"I had to get back to New York. We'll talk soon. Love, Danny."

Toms stared at the words. Who the hell writes notes anymore? That was his first thought. Then he wondered what on earth Danny could need to go to New York for, it was Thanksgiving Day, there was no way he had to get back for work. He was running. Dammit Danny. Tom crushed the paper into a ball and threw it across the room. He laid his head on the pillow and was asleep within minutes.

A knock on his door pulled him out of a restless dream. He realized the house smelled amazing. God he was hungry.

"Boys," his mother's voice came through.

"Danny went back to New York," Tom said as he pulled the door open.

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say. "Well, dinner's ready."

Tom followed his mother down the stairs. As they stepped into the dining room a table full of kids, his siblings and their significant others and all the Thanksgiving foods he'd grown up loving greeted him. There was really only one thing missing, Danny.

"Where's Uncle Danny?" Allison's oldest daughter asked when everyone was seated.

"He had to go back to New York honey," Cathy answered her with a gentle tone. The air in the room suddenly went still.

"This food looks amazing, we should eat," Tom put on the happiest voice he could muster and grabbed a plate of potatoes from the center.

"Let's all say something we're thankful for," Melissa's youngest son suggested just as Cathy suggested they start on dessert. The air in the room went still again. "I'll start," he said cheerily. "I am thankful for apple pie and vanilla ice cream."

The family laughed, as one. Leave it to the innocence of children to diffuse the intensity of the day. Tom thought. He tried his best to listen to each person tell the table what they were thankful for, but his mind was wandering all over. What could he possibly say he's thankful for today? When it was his turn he smiled slightly and confessed "I'm thankful for DNA tests and trains."

"What's a DNA test?" Tom heard the kids ask. "Trains?" He heard someone say. But he had already stood up from the table and taken his plate to the kitchen. When he turned to exit he ran into his mother who had stepped inside unnoticed.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, but she knew the answer.

"New York," Tom answered. He had the good sense not to follow it up with a snarky comment.

"Is that a good idea?"

Tom looked at her and cocked his head to the side. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"He left for a reason Tommy, maybe you should just let him be," she busied herself with clearing food off dishes and into a trash can. "Maybe it's what's best for you, right now."

Tom shook his head and brushed past his mother. He took the stairs two at a time, shoved a few things into a bag and checked the train schedule from Boston to New York. He was happy to find a train leaving in two hours. He grabbed his laptop, his bag and his jacket and ran back down the stairs almost falling as he did.

The family had gathered in the living room to watch Christmas movies, despite it being a month away. Tom went to Amy and kneeled down next to her. "Aim, will you take me to the train station?"

He knew if anyone was going to be on his side it would be Amy. She was closest in age and the one he trusted more than anyone, aside from Danny. Luckily she was looking for a way to get out of the house for a bit and agreed without so much as asking him why and where she was going.

In the car all she asked was if he was sure of what he was doing. He wasn't, but he promised her he was doing the right thing.

Despite having chosen the quiet car for his four hour train ride from Boston to New York City Tom found himself listening to a man whose business transaction was going very poorly. There were several other passengers in the car with them who were somehow managing to sleep through this heated exchange. Or what Tom assumed was a two-sided call; he couldn't hear the other person at all. For all he knew the man was screaming into a phone with no one on the other end of it. He smiled to himself, turned up his music, closed his eyes and tuned out the man's voice.

He ran the conversation he was intending to have with Danny over in his head. He didn't want to sound desperate or accusatory. He just wanted to know why Danny had left so suddenly. He wanted to know what his father had told Danny about his own father. He wanted to know why he'd barely heard from him. He needed answers. So he was going to get them.

The walk from Grand Central Station to Danny's Manhattan apartment was chilly but soothing. Sitting for four and a half hours in an uncomfortable train seat had done a number on his back and it felt good to move his legs. It was the middle of the night and the streets were virtually empty. Tom kept his head down against the wind and headed in what he hoped was the right direction.

Danny's apartment building was much nicer than Tom expected it to be. He wasn't sure why he was surprised by that. Danny had a good job in the financial sector on Wall Street with a nice salary and potential to move up quickly. He had gone from intern to junior executive in two years.

Danny lived in a high rise apartment with a doorman and a concierge and polished floors that made Tom's sneakers squeak when he walked over the tiles. This made the bellman look up. "Can I help you?"

"Hi. My broth...boy...friend lives here," Tom stammered.

"What's your friend's name?" The bellman overlooked Tom's word struggle.

"Danny Patterson," Tom said the name and immediately wondered if that was correct. Had Danny gone back to his mother's last name? It's only been a week, he reminded himself.

"Who may I tell him is asking for him?" The bellman was all business.

"Tom," he answered.

"Do you have a last name, Tom?" The bellman asked as he picked up the receiver on his desk phone.

"Um. Patterson."


The bellman raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's complicated." Tom shrugged.

"Sorry to disturb you Mr. Patterson but I have a Tom Patterson in the lobby for you." The bellman looked up at Tom. "Yes sir. Thank you, sir." He set the receiver back on the phone. "Wait here please."

Tom nodded and stood in front of the tall counter where he had stopped. The bellman pushed another button on the desk phone and picked up his pencil and a crossword puzzle book. For a moment Tom wondered if he was waiting on Danny or the cops to come for him. He shook off the thought. The elevator ding made him jump. Jesus Tom get a grip.

Tom's heart was already beating fast when Danny stepped out from behind the doors of the elevator. He smiled at the sight of him and his heart felt like it would burst out of his chest when Danny smiled back.

"Hi." Danny greeted him, still smiling.

"Hi." Tom returned the greeting and the smile.

"Thanks Joe, he's fam...a friend." Danny made the same mistake.

The bellman, whose name was apparently Joe, shrugged, nodded and went back to his crossword puzzle.

"What are you doing here?" Danny asked when they stepped into the elevator.

Tom was happy to find Danny not so much annoyed or angry that he had shown up unannounced, just confused. "I needed to see you, talk to you." He reached out and hooked his fingers into Danny's.

Danny closed his hand on Tom's. "Your hand is freezing."

Tom hadn't noticed. "Forgot my gloves, and hat." In truth Tom hadn't taken much with him. A small bag had a change of clothes. Everything else was what he had on when he left. At least he had remembered to put on a jacket.

Danny's apartment was small and warm. Danny led Tom to an oversized sofa that faced a full wall of windows. The lights of the city shined bright outside. The city that never sleeps, Tom thought with a smile.

"Sit, I'm gonna get you some tea." Danny disappeared before Tom could say anything.

The kitchen was just off the living room and Tom could see Danny from the couch. "Nice place. View is incredible." Small talk. He wasn't ready for anything more yet.

"Thanks," Danny said handing Tom a hot cup of tea. The heat felt good against his skin. "Why're you here Tommy?"

"You left before we could talk." Tom took a sip and burned his tongue. "Shit. Burned my tongue," he added when Danny gave him a quizzical look.

"I had to get back to work," Danny said with a shrug.

"That's what you said. What was it that my father told you that made you want to get away from us, from me, so fast?"

Danny shook his head. "I wasn't running away from you Tommy. I had stuff going on, work things to get back to."

Tom took another careful sip of his tea and waited for Danny to continue.

Danny sighed at him. "My mother lied. To me, to him. My father was a drug addict who overdosed on her couch one night after a session." He paused. "She was a whore Tom."

Tom looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck Danny."

"No, I mean, that was what she did for money, for work. Your father was a client. And the only person she could think of when the hospital asked who the father was when she went into labor with me. I guess after that she just, convinced herself it was true, then convinced your father. He stepped up, Tommy. He paid child support. Every month. I saw him a couple times, but he wasn't any more a father to me than he was you."

"He said all that? As he was laying there dying?"

Danny shook his head. "No. He told me the answers I was looking for were in a letter he kept in a box under his bed. At his apartment in Boston. That's where I went when I left the hospital."

Tom stared at him. Stunned.

"He lived a mile away from us, from mom...your mom. A mile, Tommy."

"Yeah we're not even going to go into what a terrible father he was all the way to the end. I still don't understand why you left. Without talking to me, without telling me any of that."

Danny didn't answer for a long time. Tom let him sit there in silence, sipped his tea and stared out the window.

"I'm so confused." Danny finally said.

"About?" Tom knew it was a dumb question. He asked it anyway, hoping Danny's newfound openness would continue.

"Everything. Just, everything. Two weeks ago I had a family and a good job and knew who I was. Today. I'm an orphan with no idea what the hell I'm doing. The good news is I still have a good job."

Tom set his empty mug on the glass table in front of him and sat forward. "I'm sorry. I wish he had told you better news. But just because your parents are gone doesn't mean you're an orphan. You still have a family. We, they've always been your family."

"I know. And I haven't forgotten what your mother did for me. I mean. She raised me. I can't even imagine what she thought when your father turned up with me and told her I was his. Fuck, Tommy, he knew then that I wasn't. He might have been a shitty father but he stepped up."

There were so many things Tom wanted to say to deny that fact, but he knew Danny was right. And despite how angry it made him, he couldn't help but thank the man for bringing Danny into his life. Somewhere under the surface he knew he should be forgiving his father just for that.

"What're you thinking?" Danny brought him back to reality.

"I'm so angry at him," Tom admitted. "But if he hadn't done what he did we wouldn't be in each other's lives and I can't help but be thankful that he brought you to us. To me."

Danny pursed his lips and looked down at his fingers. "It might have been better for you if he hadn't."

Tom let the words sink in. They stuck to his insides like pins in a cushion. "What are you saying Danny? You regret having been a part of our lives? Of my life? You told my mom you loved me. Just me, was that a lie?" Tom swallowed hard, holding back tears.

"No, Tommy. It wasn't a lie. I do love you."

"And that's why you're pushing me away?"

"I just think it's better, for you."

"You know, I'm really tired of people deciding what's best for me." He sat back against the couch and folded his arms. "I spent years thinking I was broken. Not only was I gay, but I was in love with my brother. I understand the instinct to run. I did it too. It didn't work for me, and it won't work for you. If you don't want to be with me, tell me that. Not because you think it's what's best for me. Do it because it's what you want."

Danny reached out and put a hand on Tom's arm. "I never said I didn't want you Tommy. I said I was confused. You confuse me. Every time I'm with you. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. And that's been true for a lot longer than you know. Longer than even I realized. I kept pretending it was you I was saving, by being happy for you to be far away. But it was me that needed the distance. I wasn't coming back to Boston for Thanksgiving until mom said you were coming home. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed you."

The tears Tom had been holding back flowed freely now. Danny pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. "Don't run away from me and don't push me away. We'll figure things out together. It won't be easy, but we've always been pretty damn good as a team. Remember how much torment we went through with three big sisters?" Tom said between sobs.

"Let's go get some sleep," Danny suggested.

Tom climbed into bed next to Danny with the intention of doing much more than sleep, but as soon as he was laying in the comfortable bed next to Danny's warm body his exhaustion caught up with him and he fell into a deep sleep. When Danny's alarm woke him up sooner than he wished, he jumped out of his skin.

"Sorry," Danny giggled next to him.

Tom turned to face him. He could get used to waking up to that sound, the giggle, not the alarm. "What time is it?"

"Six," Danny answered as he got out of bed. "Don't get up. Just sleep. Make yourself at home. There's not a lot of food here but Joe can tell you good places to go if you decide to explore the city. Unless, you're not planning on going home yet are you?"

Tom smiled. "Not going to go anywhere until you tell me to."

"I shouldn't be too late." Danny leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead.

Tom moved his head and went for Danny's lips. A shockwave of desire shot through his whole body. He suppressed it. "Have a good day, honey," he joked.

When Tom finally pulled himself out of the warm bed it was nearly noon. He had not wanted to stay in bed so long. He had plans. He padded into the kitchen and busied himself with the coffee maker. Danny had not been lying. There wasn't much in the way of food in his kitchen. Thankfully there was bread. And butter. Toast it is. He took his small breakfast into the living room and pulled his laptop out of his bag.

Several hours later he had a virtual map of the city memorized, had applied for seven jobs and had a basic idea of how much money he'd need to live in New York City. A lot, turns out. Satisfied with his progress he stood up to stretch his legs. The large glass window showed that the sun was setting over the tall buildings. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there but when he heard the door open and close behind him the sun was gone and the lights of the city were shining bright.

"Hi," Danny greeted Tom with that smile that made him feel warm all over.

Tom walked toward him and wrapped his arms around Danny's neck. "Hi."

"Hungry?" Danny asked between quick kisses.

Tom pressed his lips against Danny's and kept them there. Danny moved his mouth against Tom's and moaned into him. "Not for food," Tom whispered when they came up for air. He lead Danny into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed harder than he meant to. "Sorry," Tom said as he climbed onto Danny's lap.