Winter Soldier's Soulmate Ch. 11

Lucy shuffled down the hall of Avengers tower staring at her feet as she went. It had been three days since the soulmate-reveal-fiasco, and she was not taking it well.

The avengers had brought her back in the quinjet and set her up in the tower in New York. Jarvis had examined her and measured her for clothing before having a bunch of name brands that cost more than Lucy's entire college tuition delivered to the tower.

Steve and Sam were both cool but seemed overly concerned and helicoptery for someone they had just met. Actually all the avengers seemed that way.

Thor was off-planet thank god, but Bruce seemed to keep popping up randomly and asking about her health. Natasha and Clint were at her parents' house making sure no one attacked her family. When Tony wasn't in his lab he was having Jarvis contact her and inviting her to team-building things.

All Lucy wanted was to be left alone. She was overwhelmed, tired and frankly fed up with all the unwanted attention.

She wasn't looking where she was going which is one of the reasons she walked smack into a wall of muscle and bounced off. Lucy looked up and met Steve's concerned eyes.

She could admit the man was a saint but did he have to be constantly giving her that look?

"Excuse me." She muttered under her breath and went to duck around him but he stopped her with an arm.

"Is everything alright?" He asked in that obnoxiously sweet, empathetic voice.

"I'm fine." Lucy practically snarled.

"You don't seem fine," Steve replied sounding like a kicked dog.

Lucy let out a sigh of exasperation and turned to fully face the super-soldier.

"You know what, I'm tired of being asked whether I'm ok or not. I'm tired of being invited to "team bonding" events when I'm not an avenger. I'm tired of you and Sam constantly hovering. Obviously I'm not fine. I just lost my soul mate, who I didn't even know was my soulmate until Tony blurted it out. So if you could all just give me some FUCKING SPACE." Lucy was shouting by the end and was even more furious by the feel of tears running down her cheeks.

Steve didn't reply, he just wrapped her up in a warm hug that reminded Lucy way too much of Bucky and she lost it. She cried and beat her fists against Steve's chest weakly. She hated his kindness, it made it so hard to be strong.

Lucy wasn't sure how long they stood there just that when she finally came back to herself, Steve was leaning against the wall of the hallway rubbing soothing circles into her back. He let her go when she pushed against him.

"Better?" He asked tentatively.

She shrugged in response. "Not worse."

"You're not the only one who misses him. That's why people are hovering."

"I don't understand. You're the only one who knew him."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, that's not entirely true. Nat knew him too. But only when he was the winter soldier. I think part of it is because he's my best friend. He's like my brother."

"You lost me."

"The rest of the Avengers are kind of tired of seeing me moping around. When you showed up on the radar we all jumped on it."

There was a pause and then Steve continued.

"You know I was the first person that Bucky showed his Soul mark to. I remember reading your name and watching Buck trace the letters when he thought no one was looking. You gave him hope."

"You know they stole his mark," Lucy replied bluntly.

She wasn't sure why she wanted Steve to hurt, just that she did. She had read the details since getting to the tower, it made her sick. He hadn't been there for those 60 odd years. Sure he had been frozen in ice but still. If they were best friends, why didn't he go back for the body?

She watched as Steve gulped "I had a feeling, you just confirmed it."

"You know he's covered in scars and was getting random flashbacks of his life when I was with him. Sometimes he'd even jerk in his sleep, never cried out though."

The super soldier closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. "I wish I could have saved him, Lucy. He deserved better, still does." He then looked her straight in the eye. "I failed him. I will regret that for the rest of my life, but I can keep his soulmate safe. I can give Bucky that."

"He was keeping me safe." Lucy snapped back.

"And he can keep doing that, we're just extra protection. No one is keeping Bucky from you except himself."

"Oh right put me in one of the most famous buildings in the world, that makes me the epitome of safe."

"It's also one of the most defendable buildings. You are surrounded by avengers who would die to protect you in a building made of practically indestructible material."

"I never asked anyone to sacrifice themselves for me."

"We would do it anyway!" Steve almost roared that.

Lucy took a hasty step back from him. She was treating Steve like Bucky and he wasn't, he was an untold entity who could snap her like a twig.

"Sorry." Steve looked chagrined and shrunk back in on himself.

"I didn't mean to shout at you. I wish he was here with you, with us. But I can't change his actions. He knows where you are, he knows you're safe. He will come back to you, you just need to be patient." Steve continued.

"How can you know that?"

"Because he didn't abandon me in the Potomac." Steve finished with a wealth of conviction.

Lucy turned away from Steve and hugged herself. "Why would he abandon me like that though. Doesn't he realize I need him?"

Steve placed a hand on her shoulder, "He will, you just need to give him time."

"I'm too impatient to be patient."

Steve let out a snort of laughter. "If I hadn't known you were Bucky's soulmate before now that would have told me."

Lucy turned her head and gave Steve a quizzical look.

"Bucky was always running into things. So was I actually. But Bucky was the one who would always get us out of whatever mess we had gotten into. He said that about the army when I told him to wait for me to get signed up the first time."

"Said what?"

"That he was too impatient to fight Nazis to be patient."

She also let out a snort of laughter. "That sounds like him."

"Sorry to interrupt Captain Rogers, Ms. Elliot. But there seems to be a package here for Ms. Elliot, with no return address. Mr. Stark has already been informed and is examining it as we speak in the training room." Jarvis' voice came over the loudspeakers, making Lucy jump a little.

"Why in the training room?" Lucy asked

"Probably safety reasons, in case it's a bomb or something."

"A BOMB! Really?" Lucy squeaked as she chased after Steve who was making a beeline for the elevator.

"You never know. You're a high-risk target due to your soulmate status. I said we were the safest building but you can never be sure."

"Ms. Elliot, I have already done a preliminary scan before it came into the building. It is not an explosive at this time, but Mr. Stark was concerned enough for your safety that he thought it best to do a more in-depth review before allowing you to open it." Jarvis answered again from the ceiling.

Lucy couldn't help rolling her eyes. Her life was getting more and more exciting when what she really wanted was for it to calm back down to when the only exciting thing going on in her life was her next psychology test.

They got in the elevator and rode down to the training room floor. Lucy hadn't been here before but she was curious about the room.

The elevator door opened to reveal a cavernous space with workout equipment in one corner and mats covering the rest of the floor.

Stark stood in the middle of the room in his armor looking down at a non-descript cardboard box that was about four feet by three feet by three feet.

"Sooooooo are we all just gonna stare at a box or do something with it," Lucy asked patting her hands anxiously against her thighs.

Tony looked over at her and his visor lifted up. "I've examined this with every single type of vision I can think of that my armor has, but it seems to just be some clothes and an envelope."

Lucy had a sneaking suspicion of who the box came from, she couldn't stop the increased beating of her heart and the quick steps she took to get the box from iron man.

She grabbed it out of his hands before he could blink and tore into it. Her clothes that Bucky had bought her tumbled out followed by her shoes and toiletries. The last thing to flutter down was an envelope.

Lucy snatched the envelope out of the air and forgot everything else. She took some steps away from the two thoroughly confused men so she could read her note in some semblance of privacy.

She pulled out the letter and a length of condoms fell out and onto the floor. Lucy would have blushed but she was too anxious to read the note.

Luce

Here's your stuff, thought it would be better with you than me. I kept the gun Katerina gave you, I don't trust you using it until I get the chance to actually teach you. I also kept the iPod. I left the mace in one of your jeans pockets.

Stay safe.

James "Bucky" Barnes

P.s. I found the condoms, not sure what you wanted done with them so I slipped them in the envelope.

"Do I want to know why you had a bunch of clothes and a roll of condoms delivered to you?" Tony spoke up picking the condoms off the ground and holding them up in front of him.

Lucy snatched the condoms out of his metal grip, blushing to the roots of her hair.

"That is none of your goddamn business, Stark." She snapped.

"Oh, I think it is. You live in my tower after all and I just spent the last five minutes making sure that the package was safe enough for you to open. You can at least tell us who it's from." Tony replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lucy clutched the condoms and letter to her chest. "If you must know it's from Bucky." She replied primly.

Stark's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "Why does it have condoms then?"

"They were a gift from a friend that he wasn't sure what to do with, ok. Now butt out." She replied as she quickly grabbed the rest of the clothes into her arms and hurried from the room.

She wasn't sure if she dropped a pair of socks or two as she left but she was too embarrassed to look back and see.

******

Bucky watched as the package he had slipped into the back of the mail truck was delivered to the Avengers tower, from the coffee shop across the street. Once he finished the last sip of his black coffee he headed out of the building and down the street towards the subway.

It was amazing how both similar and different everything looked since the last time he was cognizant in New York City. The subways still ran the same patterns around the city, with a few added routes. The difference now was you needed a card to swipe rather than handing an attendant your ticket, they were also more expensive.

Bucky didn't mind, he had money. Ok, so it wasn't acquired through the most legal or morally acceptable ways. You know what, fuck it, people had died ok. A lot of people. Mostly bad people but these were the kinds of things that Bucky was struggling with now that he remembered who James Bucanan Barnes was...is?

Why is this all so fucking complicated? This was so much easier when he was the soldier, but a small part of his brain reminded him that when he was the soldier he wouldn't have found Lucy.

Bucky let out an involuntary snort, causing the little old lady sitting on the subway knitting away a giant something or other to look reprovingly at him. He glared back, and she quickly dropped her eyes going white and focusing intently on her knitting.

Ok, so there were some perks to having been the soldier he had the ability to easily terrify old ladies.

Yup, he was a real saint, abso-fucking-lutely perfect dating material. Who wouldn't want to get with a 6 foot 220 lb super soldier from the 1930s that was tortured and had killed tons of people for the last 70 years or so? Not to mention the fact that he has a metal arm. That's totally sexy.

Women should be just throwing themselves at him with his nightmares, distrust, and record celibacy of 70 years. He hadn't even masturbated in all that time.

Ok that's not entirely true he had jerked off for the first time since Hydra two nights ago thinking about Lucy. It had been...weird. Not exactly unpleasant but not fulfilling in the least like he remembered it could be.

It's not like he did it wrong, it's not complicated you just stroke until it's over. This is when it would be nice to have Steve to talk to again. Not that the little-ahem big- prick would understand. The celibate idiot. He said he was saving it for his soulmate.

No matter how many times Bucky told him that it wasn't a sin to jerk your own pole, Steve would give him that Catholic judgy stare. Bucky wondered if the kid had loosened up at all. Or was he still that snot-nosed kid who would pick a fight with a pole if someone walked into it by accident.

Maybe, honestly, he probably was. Then again 70 years on ice will do stuff to a guy.

I mean look what it did to him?

first of all, he didn't recognize his soul mate then when he did figure out it was her, he ran away, ok drove away but still. The soldier part of his brain told him he needed the van so he took it. Trying desperately not to think about how destroyed Lucy had looked and how she had called his name like she was breaking in half.

He had felt the pull of the bond as he left. Maybe it was the realization that they were soulmates or maybe it was the distress they were both feeling that seemed to snap the bond to the forefront of Bucky's brain. He had heard about these things from his parents and relatives who had their soulmates. It never really came up except maybe when two people recognize the other person as there other half on a spiritual level or sometimes when after the bond had been created if the other partner is in distress or worse dying.

Steve's mom had known the second that her soul mate died even though he was across the Atlantic and fighting in the trenches of France at the time. She had described it to Bucky and Steve one night as she reminisced. It was like a part of herself was missing. Not an obvious thing that you can point to like a thing or a body part, but more like a part of her soul was just suddenly gone.

That's how Bucky felt now, like something inside that was part of who Bucky, the man, not the winter soldier, was gone.

So as he had driven away, he let the soldier take over and protect him from that pain, buried it until later. when Bucky had resurfaced and assessed the damage on an abandoned back road far from Lucy. He had almost crumpled to the ground in agony, shocked at the soul-wrenching pain he felt, He wondered if Lucy felt the same way. He wished to god she didn't, she didn't deserve this.

The pain eased as he got closer to New York, to Lucy, to...home.

After Bucky had gotten to New York he had made a beeline to Brooklyn, to his old apartment building. It was gone of course replaced by a much nicer, newer building. Gentrification at it's finest.

Bucky wasn't sure how he felt about that. Part of him was relieved that the rickety, building, which didn't meet fire codes but was the best that Bucky's parents could afford was no longer around. But also sad that he couldn't walk back into that apartment where he had held Becca so close, where his mom had cooked so many meals, where he and Steve grew up.

The subway screeched to a halt, jogging Bucky out of his thoughts. He looked and saw that he had missed his stop by one. Great. This is what happens when you get introspective on a subway train.

He trudged out of the car, moving easily through the mass of people milling around. It didn't matter what time it was. New York never slept, part of its charm he supposed.

He climbed the stairs of the broken escalator and made it onto the city streets. Bucky took in a deep breath and smelled Brooklyn, Even with all the changes Brooklyn still smelled the same. Like dirty city streets, a little bit of homeless people, a dash of cigarette smoke with a topping of street food, and liquor. Bucky took another deep breath and allowed a smile to grace his lips.

Smells brought out the most visceral memories. Stepping into Brooklyn was like walking back in time. Even if the buildings looked different, the street names were the same.

Bucky couldn't help the grin that widened even further as he passed familiar allies where he had rescued Steve on multiple occasions.

The kid could never keep his nose clean of bullies. Always ready to pick a fight with the biggest bully in the neighborhood, whether that be Tom who used to terrorize them both in grade school or Hydra. It was all the same to Steve.

Bucky had been more introspective when it came to bullies or anything of that sort. Maybe it was because he wasn't small like Steve had been, or maybe he wasn't as pig-headed as the twerp.

Who was he kidding, he was just as pig-headed as Steve if not more so, he just had a less strict moral code. It may have something to do with growing up Jewish instead of Catholic or maybe it was just the kind of people they were.

Bucky shook off the reminiscing thoughts and made his way to a building which was under construction. He ducked around the side of the building and checked his surroundings to make sure he was the only one in the alley. There was a pile of clothes and bedding and usually, an old homeless man passed out among them but he seemed to be out today. Probably getting more liquor or drugs.

The Soldier made an impossible leap for any normal human. If Lucy had thought grabbing a branch eight feet off the ground was impressive, she would have been gobsmacked by the 10-foot jump he took from a standing position to grab a windowsill and then pull himself up with ease. He balanced carefully on the sill of the window and opened it silently before sliding in.

Bucky closed the window behind him and attached the tripwire to its proper place. Checking the abandoned construction site around him, he verified that nothing had been disturbed beyond a few new mouse droppings in the corner. Or maybe they were rat droppings. He wasn't sure and frankly didn't care.

Bucky crossed the open space to the stairs and climbed them to one of the finished apartments before the building project had been put on hold for an indeterminable amount of time,

After securing that space Bucky finally relaxed as much as the soldier inside him would ever allow. He indulged himself by closing his eyes and picturing Lucy's perfect face in his mind.

He couldn't return to her until the threat on her life was stopped or if it couldn't he would die trying.

*********

Steve watched as Lucy left the training room, dropping a pair of practical bikini-style panties and one sock as she went.

He couldn't help the look he exchanged with Tony after she was out of sight,

"I like her," Tony finally said with a snarky grin on his lips.

Steve let out a snort "That's just because she doesn't fawn all over you as everyone else does."

"Plus she's got spunk."

"Yeaaa she's gonna need that to keep up with Bucky"

"You worried about him?"

"When am I not?" Steve sighed and rubbed his forehead. "But the package, the letter. They are all good signs that the Bucky I know is still very much in there and in control."

"Sooo you know him best, where is he?"

"In the city, most likely to keep an eye on Lucy, he wouldn't just abandon her especially because the package doesn't have a return address or any postage. The better question is what is he going to do next."

Tony could only shrug. "I'll have Jarvis keep an eye out for him, but other than that, there's not much more I can do."

"I just wish Lucy would open up to us more, She would be the best one to clue us in on his next steps."

"What? She hasn't fallen for your All American Boy Charm?"