All Comments on 'Wish Granted Ch. 10'

I loved the story, every bit. Except, a little flaw - I feel you leave things/intersting ideas incomplete, at times. You conclude it later but till then the charm of the idea is gone (if that made sense). Maybe you don't want to stretch the story or want to finish it soon but this is how I feel, honestly. Also, when the couple has sex you tend to focus on private parts only (not that I'm complaining) but cherishing smaller body parts (like earlobes?) would be awesome! Over all, outstanding work! Keep writing!

^This is not a negative comment. In fact, I rarely write comments. I just wanted to share my opinion for you to write even better.

I'll wait for the sequel. :)

Looking forward to the next story when it's ready.

You have an excellent grasp of language and diction. The story's conclusion -if it is concluded- (I'm still holding hope for Lillitu.) was satisfying.

The only places where it seemed to drag was the extreme deference the couple had towards each other early on. That seemed stilted and overly formal. I know this was a device used to emphasize the courtly setting of the piece and show a gradual attraction, but it was still an annoying feature of both characters. Good dialogue should be playful. Even when a character isn't free to voice their true feelings there are subtle ways to show disdain, lust, fear through body language, words left unsaid, and description of word delivery.

I look forward to reading more from you.

Please write more. I truly enjoyed this series. Thank you.

Bethaline needs her wish granted. IMO she's been in love with Lillitu this whole time. It would be great to see character growth on her part. Learning to be kind. Lilitu also must learn the error in her way of treating Bethaline so harshly when the reason Beth was not into staying with men is because she's a lesbian who has been in love with Lili for years.

You have a knack for writing that reminds me of Raymond Feist, complex passages of time told in a line or two with only what is important to the character.

I would have liked a scene close to the the end from Threne's point of view to see how he/she felt about the whole thing and what "three years" meant. 3 to 5 lines after Lillitu's scene would have been perfect

I think the only gripe a reader of this story on this site might have is that it is somewhat lacking in the intimate and thorough description of what sex acts occur, and also the infrequency of those acts. I am thoroughly pleased with the story itself and the characters therein. I am also quite impressed with how easily I was able to believe that I had been transported back into the time period you chose, except that I think several of the 'dirty' words probably didn't exist in that era's lexicon.

To be honest, I often find myself drawn to the Sci-fi/Fantasy category for a good story and I find that a good wank is nothing more than icing on the cake, so I loved this story. I think if you wish to really dial in on what would make your stories more erotic would be if you spent more time describing in every minute detail how the characters' orgasms feel to them. Draw out the description some so that your reader can time their own release to that of the characters. Especially if you choose to have a male character cum inside a female character (actually, I could assume this would also apply to two men, but I can't relate to a gay situation so I can't really comment).