Wishful Thinking

Apparently, this is one of those days, Anna :)

I remember the feel of your dark nipples in my mouth so well. Firm, excited at my eyes and my touch. They feel rubbery in a way, harder than my wife's even when my wife's are hard. Your tits are firmer too, so perfectly shaped, and i love their brown skin. The feel of them is intoxicating.

More than anything, i loved your eagerness, the breathless, whimpering sounds of desire for my touch, for my body. Nothing is more erotic than desire, and you always made me feel so. fucking. wanted. I wanted to take all your clothes of slowly, devouring every sight, every angle, every curve, every inch of your lovely brown skin and not just with my eyes, but with my fingertips, my palms, my lips, and every other sensitive part of my body. I wanted to feel your bare nipples pressed against the muscles and hair on my chest. I wanted to feel your ass cheeks give under the firm squeezing of my hands. I wanted to lightly caress your stomach with my fingertips. I wanted to kiss my way down your spine and nibble on the curves of your ass, biting just hard enough to make you gasp. I wanted to press my hand to your panties right over your pussy, just to feel the soft heat of your sex, then take both hands and pull those panties down slowly, reveling in the slow reveal of your bald pussy. I wanted to wrap my bare arms around you, feeling your ribs against my bare, flexed biceps, feeling the weight of your body sitting on my lap, the soft strength of your legs, the warmth of our bodies so hungry to intertwine.

And i wanted to fuck you. There on my lap, i wanted to reach under you and pull out my hard cock. I wanted to put the soft head of my dick against those perfect, smooth pussy lips and gently glide it up and down, using the slickness of my pre-cum to lubricate them, and make you long for me to press it inside of you. Up and down, making the head of my manhood rub in slow, firm circles around your excited clit, then pushing it down to your wet and ready hole. I wanted to lift you with my other hand under your ass and pull your body closer, then let you down slowly, letting gravity lower you onto my erect cock, letting it press its way into warm, tight, wetness of your pussy. I wanted to feel that incredible sensation of our bodies joining, your pussy so perfect, the feeling of my cock forcing its way inside of your incredible body, bringing such passionate pleasure to us both.

I want to feast on your tits, nibbling and sucking on those delightful nipples, burying my face in your heaving cleavage, slightly damp with that thin sheen of sweat that comes with the raised heart rate, the eager exertion of sexual congress. I wanted to let you thrust and ride on my throbbing cock while my hands caressed and groped and clung to every part of you they could, clawing at your back, tugging at your hair, squeezing at your tits and your ass, and holding your neck while we locked lips and you kept thrusting, riding, sliding on my cock, slow and sensuous. And then i wanted to grab your hips and push you off of me, eyes locked in desire, communicating silently but not subtly that i intended to fuck you now. I wanted to stand and lift you in my arms, carrying you with the calm, certain control of a man who knows what he wants and knows the woman in his arms will give it to him. I would have dropped you lightly on that bed, letting us pause and devour each other with our eyes, me tracing down from the curve of your lips, the delicacy of your neck, the lustful glory of your tits, drinking in your navel, your hips, and the glistening wetness of your pussy.

And you, taking in the muscles of my shoulders and arms, my chest, tracing the outline of my abs, and following the trimmed trail of hair down to take in the girth and length of my eager cock, practically bouncing as it points out from my groin, ready to be thrust inside that waiting pussy. Then i'd want the moment of visual feasting to pass and be unable to wait any longer to penetrate your body again. I would stand you up, give you the quickest of kisses, then firmly turn you around and push you down on to the bed once more. You'd moan with anticipation and bring your knees up onto the bed spreading your legs enough for me to stand between them. I'd step forward, expertly aiming my cock at that dripping pussy and grabbing you by the hips, i'd force myself inside you again with a deep moan of pleasure. And then i would fuck you, slow and steady at first, then harder, enjoying the sound and sensation of my hips slapping against the sensual curves of your ass as my cock slid into you deeply over and over. I'd want you to look back and see your lover fucking you and moan and whimper and love every second of it, every inch of my cock, every slap of your ass, every tug on your hair as i reached forward to entwine my fingers in it.

I wanted to cum inside you like that, one hand in your hair, one holding your hips, my cock throbbing as spurt after spurt of my hot, thick cum shot deep inside your pussy. I wanted to finally pull out, come around and have you suck my softening cock clean, tasting the mixing of our juices, making me moan and shudder as you tongue and suck and kiss my limp, but oh-so-sensitive manhood. And then i wanted to eat you. I wanted to lay you back on that bed and kiss your mouth, then your neck, then your tits, your stomach-tonguing your belly button, then slowly down alongside your pussy first on one side, then on the other, building your anticipation for when your lover's hungry lips and firm tongue would finally feast on that well-fucked pussy. I wanted to caress your thighs and slide my hands under your ass, to squeeze and lift your body up to my lips. I wanted to nibble and lick and suck, in slowly accelerating, wet, and passionate rhythms, making patterns over and around your clit with my tongue, kissing the lips of my mouth to the smooth lips of your pussy, moaning myself at how fucking good you taste, at the smell of pussy and cum firing off every neuron that recognizes the smell, the taste, the feel of sex, sex, delicious sex. I would want to penetrate you again with my tongue at first, and then my middle fingers, sucking and licking at your clit while i finger fuck you with a firm "come hither" motion. I wanted to make you cum, again and again, until your pussy was too damn sensitive and ticklish to handle any more. I wanted to make you moan, yell, and fuck, even scream with pleasure.

And then i wanted to climb up next to you, lick the pussy juices and cum off my fingers, wrap my arms around you and kiss you soft and quiet, then just lay there in each other's arms, looking into each other's eyes, trying to read every happy, lustful thought behind the other's blissful face. And then, if time allowed, to sleep. A nap, a night, it hardly matters, just to enjoy the afterglow of passionate fucking, the closeness of a trusted lover's body, a time to drift off together and pretend that tomorrow will never come, never end our comfort, our pleasure, our peace.

I wanted to live a different life. One where we were each other's and did not each belong to another. Or at least to be oblivious to the risk, the impractical, inescapable costs of adultery with abandon. I wanted to be morally uninhibited, while still enjoying all the qualities of character and care for you that would only have grown in the soil of those very moral inhibitions i warred with for you. I wanted to have all the pleasure without the pain, all the coitus without the consequence, all the meaning without the morality, all the desire without any duty. I wanted the impossible, as do we all. Seeing only one side of a coin and imagining we could hold just that without the other as well. Willful naivety. Denial, unquestionably. Fanciful dreams. Utter foolishness.

And yet, all of that is still what i wanted, what i still often want. To be content is not not wanting. To be content is to want and accept not having. To not want is only lifelessness, not wisdom. And so i want. And i accept not having. I wisely do not pursue foolishness merely because i want the pleasure of it. I want you, but i will not have you.