All Comments on 'With a Church Girl'

Hope the future goes well for them. More of their story?

This is a great premise for a longer, more detailed story. Let the sex develop over a few meetings. Put some more nonsexual encounters into the mix. Let's see them have some interaction in school. Let's see some conflict with the rich kids versus the city kids. There's got to be some frat boy wannabe who thinks he's got to be the one to take Kathy's cherry. Lots of potential conflict here before his thick mocha tool pushes past her cervix and drowns her unprotected womb in his essence!

Loved reading this..I also write stories and wonder if we can email each other?

steviedrmckenziem@hotmail.com

Steve

I really like your stories, but you need an editor who can help you proofread and fix grammar. For example in both the first and second paragraphs you say, "her and I," instead of, "she and I." It really makes reading hard because that sticks in the mind.

While this story has real potential, it is too short, and the grammar and punctuation could certainly be improved. Further, a sweet, church-going girl would not use swear words or take God's name in vain, as portrayed in this story, even if she agreed to sex.

“… when her and I were…” NO. She and I. If you haven’t finished primary school yet, maybe don’t write about sex until you’re functionally literate.