Without a Whisper

Yvonne stayed behind the finish up the case in Whisper. Mort Senior had twenty-one brunettes on his wall. Taken with Art's number's, they killed nearly forty girls between the two of them. It still dumbfounds me how long that can happen with no one batting an eyelash. Lionel is the acting Sheriff, considering he's the only one anyone trusts anymore, but he told me he's leaving the force. He's going to join his brother taking care of their mother.

After the entire ordeal, I took time to reassess where I am in life as Chase and I drove back and continued to think as we went down his dirt road. His son Nathan rushed out the door, and Chase, who I knew full well was beaten and bruised, still picked up his son and threw him into the air. Where does that energy come from? Why don't I have it? Is that just a permanent part of post-partum depression?

The family invited me inside, and I accepted. I didn't mind catching up with Jenn. She straight up punched Chase in the chest when he got home, but her aggravation was short lived. That bedroom was likely insane after I left. Toward the end of my hour there, Jenn walked with me back to my car. I started to light a cigarette but remembered she's pregnant so put it away.

"Chase is like my baby daddy. Superdad," I said, leaning against my car door. "Is supermom a thing?"

"Chase says it doesn't matter how tired he is, he'll always find the energy he needs," she said. Chase is tired, but that doesn't matter. "When I know he's near that limit, I'll take over for a bit. Even he needs a break."

Does Shane ever need a break? Shane has designated days, but if he ever wants to plan something with Shawn, he can. He can come over anytime he wants to see him, and he does. All the time. Shane had more time with him than me after he was born because I had post-partum. Shane is an incredible father.

He's an incredible parenting partner with me because he doesn't step on my toes or try to outdo me. He double checks my schedule to make sure everything is good. If he wants to get Shawn a gift, he runs it through me, so we don't accidentally start a battle of best parent. We also ensure it's not always just one of us. Sometimes we take him somewhere together. We probably look like a normal straight couple when we do.

I've always blamed my shortcomings with being a mother on post-partum. Am I just making excuses? Did I regret it at the last second, and now I'm just stuck with a kid I thought I wanted? Having Shane to compare myself to just makes it worse.

All those problems seem so small now. Last week was the first time I discharged my weapon in the line of duty. Clean kill, absolutely justified, and the person who took the bullet was a serial killer, but none of that made it easier to sleep. After I finally got sleep and woke up without the knees of a toddler crushing my spine, it felt like something was missing. I miss Shawn all the time. I never thought I'd miss the way he says good morning.

This morning, I do it differently. I'm on leave because of the shooting, but otherwise my routine is back to normal. Shawn sneaks into our room, minutes before my alarm, and dives onto my side of the bed. Only this time, mommy has set up a decoy. I stuffed pillows under the comforter, and bum rush him from the bathroom when he notices his landing was too soft.

"Ambush!" I shout. He jumps, but laughs, as I tackle him from behind. "Surrender!"

"Stop!" he laughs from the tickles and raspberries.

"Mommy was ready today!" I say. We laugh, and we snuggle in bed.

The only thing about Shawn that I regret, is that I thought I regretted him.

Shane came over this morning to take Shawn to a museum. A military museum with planes, tanks, and other cool things that Shawn has taken an interest in. I want the day to relax, without Shawn, but those goddamn eyes when he asks if I will come with.

"Please mommy?"

That's all it takes.

--

Monday - July 20, 2020

-Chase Kramner-

I watched Katie Grossman receive a proper burial two weeks after I got home. Her mother stood back and waited for her friends to grieve before she approached the grave herself. I can tell Ruth Hollinger blamed herself entirely for Katie's death. In truth, she deserves to blame herself, but I'm not the kind of person to force that grief on another human being. Not during a moment like this.

Leland and Angela thanked me for finding her, regardless of what that meant. Her father was there as well, along with Stephanie and Evie who made the drive. That was awkward to watch that group interact with each other. The other woman, the other kid, the cheating husband, and the mother who let it happen under her watch. Ruth left first, but Roger stayed to talk with Evie and Stephanie.

Evie lost a daughter. In the month Katie spent in Whisper, Evie had become more her mother than Ruth. Katie and Stephanie became real sisters. I watched them hug each other in a circle over Katie's grave dressed in white lilies, before I leave them in peace.

I return home and get back to work. Jenn and I decided to make it official.

Jenn drops the box of business cards on my desk while I'm working on the newest case. I open the box and pull out the first one.

C & H Investigations. No one but us will know it stands for Coffee and a Handshake. That's the rate I gave Derek on the last case. Considering this is about to be my day job, I need to charge a little more in the future.

Officially, I've been doing this since not long after I got back from Whisper. That case drew some eyes naturally, and when an old acquittance named Summer Pillsbury wrote an article about me regarding it, the calls came in. The volume I received told us we needed help. I got two openings available, one for an investigator, the other for a researcher. Lance Portman called about the researcher position, so that position has already been filled. Lionel decided Lance had taken care of their mother long enough, and it was his turn to carry that burden. He can do most of his job from home anyway.

Filling the investigator job was harder. A lot of ex cops were interviewed, but I didn't get a feeling for any of them. Midge and Kaiser are years away from retiring, and they'd probably not want to work for me anyway. I was thinking about just settling on a candidate before Jenn told me one of her old friends was a reference for the next one.

"Old friend?" I ask.

"When I was in IA, I worked a case with Army CID and became pretty good friends with the investigator. A cop was a former soldier who was accused after he left the service, so we had cross over. Odette is a PI in Chicago and tells me a former detective is interested if you'll talk to her."

So, I talk to her.

Jo Zielinski wasn't sure what to make of a job interview in a ranch house at the end of a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Her face when Jenn lets her inside expresses her confusion. She's attractive but dressed plainly in a charcoal suit. Those eyes though. Deep emerald green, the exact same color as her earrings. She blinks and I still see her gaze.

Jo wasn't a detective for a particularly long time. Only a few months before she resigned, for a reason she says she'd rather keep to herself. I'll respect that, but her reluctance is also concerning to me. She understands the concern.

In the two hours we talk, I learn she's from Illinois and served in two different police departments, the latter one as patrol, then as detective. She only handled a few cases, mostly domestic abuse calls and a few minor trespassing disputes. Her experience lacks the significance of many of the people who have interviewed for this job. Somehow, she stands out more than the others.

The trait that she has that none of the others seemed to possess, is humility. The ability to say she doesn't have all the answers. That she will make mistakes and has made them in the past. The others came in bragging about their cases, which Jo couldn't do because she hadn't had a large volume to brag about. To me this was a person who didn't just want a job. She wanted a purpose.

After the credentials, I ask questions to know her on a more personal level. You can be the best detective in the world, but unless we're compatible, that doesn't matter. During the conversation, I conclude Jo is simply lost. She doesn't know what to do without a badge and took this interview on a whim. Jo Zielinski is hungry for this kind of work.

Toward the end of the conversation, Jo looks like she thinks she wasted her time. To her surprise, I ask when she can start. Jo leaves, telling me she'll be able to move within a few weeks. I watch her dust cloud vanish in the wind, and then go back inside.

"While you were talking, we got a call. Defense investigator request," she says, and hands me a notebook with a brief summary of the case. A criminal defense attorney is requesting I help with interviews on possible witnesses. I find the case in the media and read what I can for five minutes to get sped up. I'll likely find more information later, but right now, I'm interested.

I call the lawyer, and he answers in two rings.

"This is Chase Kramner from C & H investigations. I'm in."