All Comments on 'Wolf at Heart Ch. 02'

I would suggest making use of an editor though. Some basic typos and grammar issues made this a less enjoyable read.

Get an editor for the next chapters I am sorry but I will not be reading more of it but for those who do like it, I would give them a break and get an editor. The story was ok until you got to the where she was stopped from killing the would be rapist then it just went silly and you lost me.

Yes you do need an editor. I have to say the story line is great but it seems that you jump ahead a little. For example, as soon as she threw the man off her Ellis was there. How did he know to be there?

I do have respect that Ellis wouldn't just cure her pain. That is admirable. I can't wait to see what else the storey bringz...

The one suggestion I have other than try not jumping around too much with scenes is you make the chapters a little longer.

I think you could add another level of depth to this story if you included more then one point of view. Right now we just see Aly's. Its very stilted and abrupt. I think it would be very interesting to see Ellis' point of view in this story.

Slow down girl....

By taking time to develop the story and (yes again I say it) get an editor (they offer their services on Lit if you look) you will write the story everyone wants to read. You began alright but then you rushed the attack and subsequent reactions of the people around Aly... Please take time out to re-read the chapters and ask someone to Beta-read for you even if that is all you do.

The story-line is good but the chapters are too short and you need an editor really bad! Improper word choice among many things make it very difficult to read or enjoy the story. Please get help with the proof reading before you post any more chapters.

Good story line,but your going way too fast and will run out of ideas at this rate.Also get an editor,make longer chapters,i would like to be able to get INVOLVED with the story instead of just a quickie read.Maybe publish 2 longer chapters at one time,or at least 3 or 4 pages to make it worth reading.Would like more info on ellis,his sister,family,maybe more on aly's background as well.Its getting a bit choppy.Look forward to your next chapter.

I do not see anything wrong with telling the story from the protagonist view. As for the apparent "jumpiness" mentioned, well, yes it would be nice to to get some of the back story. This can be accomplished completely within the first person viewpoint,with a bit a self contemplation dialog that doesn't even have to be correct, as a first-person 'explained, or 'questioned assumption' can be later fleshed out through discovery by the protagonist, or by (still first person) foreshadowing, or reflection/flashback. So far I find this interesting, so I hope you continue, and best wishes in finding an editor to assist you in your efforts.

The majority of comments below are honestly from reader who want you and your story to succeed. We all see the same things 1) you need an editor and if you can't find one right away maybe you have a friend who could help you out for now 2) the story really does feel rushed and one sided. As for the length of each chapter that is really up to you as the author. Now having said that as a reader I would prefer longer chapters. If that means you might post just one chapter per week or even bi-weekly that would be fine. Again the reason we are making suggestions is because we see something in your story that makes us want you to succeed. I for one will be reading your next chapter and I wish you luck as an author.

I know I wasn't going to comment again but I was thinking about the attack on her and her mom. Did Ellis rescue her from the wolf because I can't see any other way she would have escaped death. If he is a vampire and she is now a wolf they would be natural enemies. Did he give her his blood to heal her and that is why she feels some pull to him? just sayin'

I hear you all. My next installment will have an editor. This story has a long way to go. The next chapter will be larger, more detailed. So much more story to go.

Thanks everyone

Trix

Good story line please continue and try to make it longer!

Even with all the obvious problems, you have a good story to tell. You desperately need an editor, but keep going and get it all out. What's fun for me is the new twists you add to an old theme. Bravo!

It's far too rushed and as you have said you have an editor, I won't say to get one, but there needs to be more information, it's so one sided and rushed and we really have no idea about anything of the characters.