Women in The Workplace Vol. 01

Women in the Workplace -- Vol.1 -- Nurse

(This is the first story in a planned article for Work and Rest Boy, the well-known gentleman's magazine, where every issue we speak to a different woman to find out what they actually do in the workplace.)

So my name's Karen, I'm a registered nurse living in England. I'm only twenty-five years old so I'm still enjoying the single life, I've no interest in having kids until I'm really old, so probably when I'm thirty? I wouldn't want to ruin my figure. Some people call it hourglass, but I don't know why as I don't think hourglasses have big tits or bums. The only foreign holiday I've ever had was to Cardiff with my Mum when I was nineteen. As a job I work in my local sexual health clinic.

Nursing was definitely a vocation for me, as I knew more than anything I wanted to take care of people. Until I finally got accepted onto a nursing course all I'd ever really done in my local neighbourhood was take care of a few swellings, you know, for practice! I'd always help any man who came to me with a massive swelling in his trousers, but no matter what I did to it they'd always come back shortly with another swollen member! Who knows what they kept doing to them, but I made sure to rub them and kiss them until they shot out the nasty white stuff that was causing the problem, although sometimes even then they would remain hard and red!

During my few years at University I found out more and more about the human body, but it did take me a little while before I realised you shouldn't try and help every man with a swelling like that. It even got to the point where, after I'd had a few issues with the local hospital, that they were planning to expel me!

Eventually, after a quiet word with the principal where I helped him out with his own swelling problem, it was decided that as long as I agreed to help him like that at least once a week I would be allowed to stay on.

After I graduated, I found a job in a private sexual health clinic, and it was an absolute revelation. The best thing was that I found condoms existed! I'd always wanted something to stop the gloopy substance from men getting all over me and here I finally had it! It was always difficult cleaning it off my breasts, especially with them being as big as they are as there's a lot of surface area to cover!

It also turns out that the white gloopy stuff is also how babies are made, but only if it goes inside a women, so I've stopped letting men release it into my mouth as I have no interest in getting pregnant thank you. I've seen what it does to people and my breasts wouldn't look as good if they were saggy, much better that they're perky and stick out.

When I first started, I was asked to give out the condoms to anyone who came in who was between eighteen and twenty-five, but I became very confused as there's lots of different colours, brands and shapes. Eventually, I figured out a good system of how to size the condoms so whenever a man comes in, I always get him to show me his swollen thing and try the different ones out on it.

I've found out that men come in lots of different sizes and colours, so it's not just the condoms! But whether they're very little (which isn't my favourite) or very big (I once had one that I couldn't fit into my mouth straight away to reduce the swelling, but after about twenty minutes of trying it finally worked!) I soon found that all the men are very keen to let me place the condom on for them, I always roll them out for them as well, as they all seem quite uncertain how to do it themselves. Some of the girlfriends however haven't been so pleased, so there have been complaints, but the managing director is always happy with my explanation, as long as I give him a practical demonstration of what I was doing anyway.

I was eventually moved off the condoms, so instead I got to help the other nurses collecting sperm samples. Apparently, you're just supposed to provide them with magazines or tell them to watch porn online, but I certainly found everything went a lot quicker if I helped them manually, so I don't know what the complaints from the other nurses were about, as none of my men ever complained about it.

Anyway, I did that for a while before they decided I would be better suited admitting the patients, so I asked them questions as they walked into the clinic. Eventually the other nurses convinced me that I should wait until they sit down as I was apparently blocking the door waiting for them to come in. That's what I love about nursing, it's such a great job to learn really important stuff in!

I would ask everyone the same questions, and it was always awkward when the men could never remember when their last menstrual cycle was, or when their last ovulation was. It was nice when the girls came in because they never had big swellings, but there were one or two who always got me to do a few tests on them to see if there was anything wrong with their lady garden, usually taste tests, or even using my fingers to feel for anything odd inside them.

My favourite job though was when the doctors always got me to help them with their demonstrations for sexual intercourse. They would always get me to simulate certain parts, but they especially liked explaining how babies get made by putting their penises into my lady garden. One especially liked me to practice with him in private, just so he knew he was definitely doing it right. That stopped when one of the other nurses walked in on us in the supply closet, as apparently it was very unhygienic.

So that's what I can tell you about being a nurse! I hope it convinces some of you to join the profession, as I've been told that what I do is the oldest profession in the world!

(signed)

Karen Unt