Women Who Talk Pt. 03

"Wow, what model is it?"

Robyn read out the model number and Cindy murmured something under her breath.

"It's the model after my one, how much did you pay for it?"

"Forty bucks in total but that included a book of patterns, a lot of eighties fashions."

"I'm green with envy," Cindy grinned, "where did you get that?"

"Someone called Helen, she knows you apparently."

"Helen McInnes? Lives out on Swansea Road?"

"Yeah that's the one, I met her out at Penny's work and she knocked on my door the other night and asked if I wanted it."

"Okay," Cindy frowned, "just like that?"

For the second time that night Robyn had to tell someone about Helen's visit and the older woman let out a low chuckle when she told her that Helen had tried to give it away.

"Why doesn't that surprise me? So, does it work?"

"I haven't tried it yet, I just walked in the door now and I'm going out with Josie tonight."

"Okay, so, bring it around tomorrow sometime, I'll be out and about in the morning but I'll be back at home about midday or thereabouts. Just give me a quick phone before you come over."

"No worries, I'll do that," she glanced at Josie, "you have a good night then."

After she'd farewelled her, Robyn leaned back against her chair.

"So, what movie are we going to see?"

"Gladiator," she grinned, "as if you had to ask."

"Cool, well I better go and get changed first. How's about we see it at Knox and grab something to eat afterwards?"

Erin came through at that point. She was obviously going out, judging by the little black dress she was wearing and she stared at the sewing machine.

"You bought a sewing machine," she stated the obvious.

"Yeah," she ran an eye over Erin's outfit, "where are you off to tonight?"

"The Whitehorse," she replied, "it's Karen's birthday."

"Karen," she frowned as Josie also stepped into the room followed closely by Scamp.

"She used to work at the jeweller's but now she works as a functions manager at the York hotel. She and Alana are best friends."

"So, you're hanging out with the oldies tonight."

"They're not that old," she frowned, "Karen is a fucking scream when she's pissed, she's picking me up tonight."

"What time?" Josie fastened her belt buckle.

"A quarter to seven," she glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Half an hour," Robyn inclined her head, "we should get going if we want to catch the half past seven show."

"What're you going to see?"

"Gladiator."

"Seen it already, he dies."

"Why does she do that?" Josie grumbled some five minutes later as they drove away, "I mean I knew that anyway but," she trailed away.

"It's her age," Robyn changed gear, "we have to make ourselves seem more intelligent, although I never gave away the ending but that's a hangover from nanna."

"So, who's this Helen?"

Robyn hesitated for a minute or so before finally telling her that Helen was gay and then she went on to tell her about the Thursday night sessions she was having with Penny and by the time they reached Canterbury Road, she had also admitted that she was having doubts about her reasons for being with Jeff in the first place.

"It's not as if I don't love him, I just don't think it's that kind of love but I'm not coming out," she slowed for the traffic lights, "I'm curious and that's about as far as I'll take it."

"That's cool," she shrugged, "so you're curious," she glanced at her.

"I was once, back when I was at uni but it was just a fleeting attraction for me. I just can't get past the yuck factor. I'm okay with women pashing on in front of me but apart from kissing a woman I can't imagine getting naked with one."

"I can't even imagine getting naked with a guy yet, let alone a woman. It's like part of my brain has been switched off, I can kiss a guy but I've never allowed myself to be in a situation where we can't be disturbed."

"Your time will come," Josie replied, "there's a lot of mythology about the first time. I know that was certainly the case for me," she chuckled as the arrow turned green.

"What was your fantasy?" Robyn asked her as she shifted into first gear.

"A candlelit dinner at some fancy hotel in the city or even some half decent restaurant in town and then drinks in a hotel room or his bedroom, satin sheets, nice music, and I'd be wearing something alluring but the reality was different."

"What was the reality?"

"The back of Jezza's panel van, I suppose I should at least be grateful it wasn't a back seat fuck, I got to lie down on my back. The funny thing was I never set out to have sex that night, we were just going to grab some chicken and chips, and then Jezza suggested we grab some stubbies from the bottle-oh and go down to the creek to find the submarine."

"The submarine?"

"It was what they called it in town, some mythical constellation, while the girl is lying on her back trying to find the submarine, her boyfriend is using his cock as a submarine," she flicked at her hair and grinned.

"I was so fucking young and naïve but I thought I was the coolest chick in town until I found out he'd done it all before with other girls. Jezza thought he was the hottest guy in town but within three weeks he was fucking Theresa but karma is a bitch. He got her pregnant but Theresa's dad was one of the local coppers and she had three brothers, I'm not sure if he married her out of fear but these days he's decidedly tamer. He has three kids to her and she rules the roost with an iron fist."

"Good to know," Robyn smirked.

The conversation continued along that theme however when Josie asked her if there were any girls she fancied. There were a few, the women she'd met at the meeting, Erin's boss, Alana and then there was Helen. She thought her attractive in an odd kind of way.

"I can imagine it happening but it's like I'm using her as a last resort, if I can't get with someone I want I might settle for someone I know won't turn me down. I'm definitely not going to go out with someone who's already in a relationship but I can see how it might happen."

"Don't rush into it," Josie advised her, "it's not a race to the bottom, the first time is just the first time, it can be nice when we get with someone we actually like but don't go thinking you'll be left on the shelf if you pass an opportunity up. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

***

Penny leaned back against the couch at Melanie's place and eyed the glass of port in her hand, she'd been invited over for dinner a few hours ago and had readily accepted because both Melanie's and Sigrid's houses had central heating along with open fireplaces. It was an issue that was beginning to irk at her and yet she could still justify not having it put in so far. Apart from the cost, there was still the issue of finding the time to have it done, she'd have to be present while it was being installed and that meant taking time off work.

Melanie came back into the living room from the bathroom, her twin girls, Alison and Beckie had just finished their bath and she could hear their giggling as the two seven-year olds got changed into their pyjamas. James was curled up on a beanbag near the television whilst Elke did the dishes and when Melanie nudged his beanbag he looked up.

"Don't forget your homework, possum."

"Can I do it tomorrow, mum?"

"You know we've been here before," she moved past him to the fireplace, "tomorrow you'll be wanting to play with Ben and I'm not laying bets on Sunday."

"Mum," he arched his back, "I'll do it, I promise."

Melanie eyed him for a moment and he suddenly shifted off the beanbag and got to his feet.

"Okay, but can I do it in front of the fire?"

"You can do it hanging from the ceiling, as long as it's done," she replied.

When he left the room she turned the television down and looked at Penny.

"I'm a mean mum, I know," she grinned.

"Oh, I don't know, my parents rationed it to two hours a night on weeknights and four hours on the weekend," Penny leaned forward and picked up her glass, "at the age of six I renegotiated the terms and we were allowed to watch telly for two hours on Saturday and Sunday mornings and four hours at night," she pulled a wry grin, "dad says it was the first case I ever won."

Melanie dug her hands into her pockets and stared at the front door for a few moments.

"Cindy says you're thinking of getting central heating."

"She told you that already?" Penny raised an eyebrow.

"Girls talk," she turned back to her.

"I am, but I'm still up in the air about it, I haven't even phoned around for a quote."

"What about Andrew Miller? He's a Westpac customer, has been for years. He actually did mine, he lives out in Woori Yallock. If I give him a call you'll get a ten percent discount."

"Just like that?" Penny raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I've known him for years. When Jeff was alive he was a regular visitor here," she paused as James came back through with his school-bag.

"I could give him a call if you want."

"Maybe," she frowned.

"Why the hesitation?" Melanie raised her eyebrows.

"Maybe I'm wary of favouritism," she sipped her sherry, "or maybe it's just my stupid pride," she pulled a wry grin, "I'm sorry, I'm just distracted by something else."

"What?" Melanie picked up her own glass and glanced over her shoulder as Alison and Beckie ran into the room, they were giggling about something as they stopped in front of the fire.

"It's," she stopped as Elke came into the living room, "about Robyn."

"Robyn," Melanie glanced at her as the girls knelt in front of the fire, "are you?"

"We're not but I'll admit I'm interested," she swivelled to face her, "but that's about as far as I can go right now."

Melanie's face was like a mask as she stared at her children near the fire, James was quietly doing his homework and the twins were whispering to each other. She glanced at Elke and inclined her head.

"We're going to the kitchen for a bit, can you?"

"Sure," Elke moved to the fire.

"Come on," she rose and nodded at the kitchen, "let's go see if we can find some peace and quiet."

Penny said nothing as she followed the older woman into the kitchen. She'd always loved this room because it had a view of the forest, a ghost gum held her attention for a few moments as Melanie sat down at the island bench. It was about half the size of Penny's bench at home but as she sat down opposite her she felt as if she'd somehow revealed a little too much of herself.

"Do you know why I transferred out of the Boronia branch?"

"For security reasons," she replied, "your sister in law and her girlfriend both worked there."

"And why don't you get involved with any of your staff or clients?"

"For similar reasons," she replied, "it's inappropriate to get involved with anyone working under me and it jeopardises a case if I get involved with the client. I know some divorce lawyers do it and it's never a good look. In a courtroom you have to be focused, precise, and logical. It's a highly charged and emotional place to be, love and hate are two sides of the same coin," she looked down.

"I've certainly been tempted, it's hard to divorce yourself from an emotional woman who's trying to come to terms with the fact that the primary breadwinner has left but you have to divorce yourself from that aspect and focus on the facts. What is the best outcome for her and what's an acceptable offer for the other party? Falling into bed with my client blurs my judgement, I've even forced my own staff to abide by that simple rule, don't fuck the client. I don't care if you masturbate over them but don't go beyond the fantasy, ever or at least give time for the dust to settle."

"That's one of the things I like about you," Melanie traced her finger along the marble top.

"You're a principled lawyer and in the world of divorce lawyers you're almost antithetical to your peers, my friend, Maggie got divorced three years ago and was sexually involved with her lawyer, so was Julie. Rebecca could have been involved with someone at the firm she used but she had a lot more character and kept her mind on the task in front of her."

She propped on her palm.

"So, what I don't get, is why you're holding yourself down like this? Robyn isn't a client, she isn't employed by you and about the only ethical concern," she frowned, "if you can even call it that is the fact that she's come to you for advice."

"There is the age factor," she frowned.

"There are more years between Elke and I than between Robyn and yourself," she replied.

"She is a virgin and a Christian."

"Why is that a factor? She's openly questioning her faith and even Louise, who has more reason than most to reject organised religion, thinks they're far more liberal than most, although she won't be joining the church," she slid the salt and pepper shakers towards her.

"When I introduced Sigrid to Louise, she was grieving the loss of her sister, Cathy. Louise was my second in charge, practically a deputy manager in all but name, I had a deputy but because of office politics she and I were always skirting around each other. Louise was the one I trusted to keep the ship afloat whenever I was off work," she separated the two shakers.

"Sigrid was the first openly gay woman I hired, she'd been trying for a transfer for a few years to no avail until she moved next door and reached out to me. I was married to an alcoholic, on the outside I was the good lady wife, sophisticated, elegant, controlled, a good mum but behind closed doors I was falling apart emotionally, mentally, and emotionally."

Melanie looked from one shaker to the other.

"Sigrid could have taken advantage of me, for sure but she didn't and yet there were times I wanted her to take advantage. It would have been easy and very bloody convenient to shag the woman next door but instead I made a phone call to her manager and arranged for a transfer. It was the only way I could find to have her close to me without risking a slip, I was fucking determined to keep my eye on the ball, surviving my marriage to Jeff."

"What if she'd said no?"

"I guess then my life might have turned out differently, we could have had our affair. Jeff might have walked out, there are all kinds of things that might have happened but I chose to arrange the pieces on the board so that I had some control," she slid one shaker towards the other.

"As it stands though, I don't regret my decision. Louise found Sigrid, I was at great pains to make sure Louise shielded Sigrid from the sewing circle. There were certain women who saw her as a threat or a figure of fun, they wouldn't have gone as far as calling her a rug muncher but they had other names for her."

"When Jeff committed suicide I could have taken my own path, I certainly hadn't thought of Elke as being my next partner and to her credit, she was just trying to be a friend. In the end though I had to admit that I couldn't live without her. I'll never forget the moment when I drove to the carpark at Eastland with a letter for her. It was at night and I was the victim of a road rage attack from some woman off her head on pills, and her boyfriend. Elke and her partner drove up at that point and she rescued me from these two lunatics," she pushed the two shakers together.

"She came back to my joint, she'd been a regular visitor for the last few months but that night she became my lover and now she's my partner. I could have chosen another path of course, but this one was the past of least resistance. I was tired of fighting for survival, I'm like anyone else out there, I just wanted to be loved and valued, intimacy is the cry of the human heart."

She propped her face in her palms.

"My friend Bob from A.A says that intimacy isn't something we do between the sheets and I learned that with Elke. We were friends before we became lovers but first I had to let go of old hangups, prejudices and above all, fear, the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of success, it's all fear," their eyes met.

"You have to let go of your fears, maybe not all at once. We always like to hold onto something, even if it's just an old blanket but eventually we have to let go of that too."

"You make it all sound so easy," Penny fixed her eyes on the trees beyond the backyard.

"Do I?" Melanie managed a wry smile, "it's not that easy, it's kind of like being laid up in bed for too long and getting out of bed too quick, the first few steps feel a little strained, like we're about to fall. No one says you have to go anywhere with Robyn but at least go easier on yourself, you're not superwoman, you're just a woman like all the rest of us," she straightened up.

"Now let's go phone Andrew and see about that quote," she slid off the stool.

***

Kathy lowered her sunglasses as Robyn opened the passenger door that Saturday morning and took in Robyn's outfit. She was wearing a grey skirt suit and a cream pussybow blouse and high heels as she slid onto the bench seat and closed the door.

"A bit formal for the sex shop, isn't it?" Kathy asked her.

"I need to look older today," she pulled on the seatbelt, "did you bring that ring?"

"Here," she held up her hand to show the wedding ring.

"Then let's do it," she smiled crookedly as Kathy took it off, "and you're sure Melissa is okay with our little trip?"

"She knows that I'm taking you into Bayswater but I told her we were picking up timber from the hardware shop on Mountain Highway, so try and remember that story if she asks you about it."

"Why am I getting timber?" Robyn asked as Kathy started the engine.

"Fucked if I know," she swung the wheel and turned into a nearby driveway, "but that's what I told her last night, somehow I doubt she'd be happy if I told her the truth."

Robyn didn't reply as they headed towards Durham Road but just as they turned right she looked over at Collins Place and spotted Penny's car along with Helen's four wheel drive.

"Penny must be working today, and Helen."

"I like Penny," Kathy also glanced over, "but I don't know much about her personal life."

"I think she's single."

"To be honest it's none of my business, she's well out of my league though," Kathy replied, "I've had a one night stand with Helen but it was only one night."

"What was she like?" Robyn asked her.

"It was okay, she's thirty five and has been out since high school so it stands to reason she at least knows enough about sex but I wouldn't want to get into involved with her, she's a fucking control freak."

"Not likely for me anyway," Robyn pulled a wry grin.

"You can certainly do better," Kathy glanced at her, "you should come out with Melissa and me one night, we get down to the Dorset Gardens to meet some of my friends, some of them are single."

"Maybe, but I don't drink and drive, I'm too close to getting my full licence."

The conversation continued until they turned onto Mountain Highway and then Robyn went quiet as they headed towards the railway line. She'd been past the sex shop in Bayswater dozens of times over the last couple of years but had never ventured into the shop with the blacked out windows. Even when she'd walked past and peeked inside she hadn't seen anything because of the wall in front of her that covered the interior of the shop. It formed a passageway with an open doorway at the far end and a lurid poster of a naked woman with one hand over her genitals and an arm pressed against her breasts. Her mouth was open in what was supposed to be a come to bed look but when she had a closer look today it looked as if she might be in pain.

Once they got into the shop though her eyes widened at the explosion of colour. The walls were covered in posters of naked women and men and there were fixtures heavily adorned with all types of sex toys. There were dildos, electric dildos, butt plugs, anal beads along with various other toys, some of which looked as if they belonged in a torture chamber. Kathy mentioned them by name as they headed along to the dildo section and here she stepped aside and gestured at them.