X-change: Remedial School Pt. 03

Respect the pills and respect yourself, Jeanine had said.

This was what I kept telling myself as I struggled throughout the days that followed. I did feel better than I had when I was just moping about, but that most definitely came with a physical cost and no small amount of stress. I didn't surrender though. Not matter how much I wanted to. If I had gone the Travis route, and proved myself to be irredeemable then it would've been the last way out because the ability to choose would be taken from me. However, after a bunch of hypno-sessions would it even be "me" anymore? Another part of me just didn't want to give in to what my mom wanted either. I could already imagine that she'd arranged that contingency with Dan. If that happened, I'd surely end up as some girly-girl real-estate agent with big hair. That didn't sound appealing to me.

Jeanine provided me with some basic but more appropriate clothing. A few simple blouses and simple black leggings, which I was scared to put on at first, but did so at her urging. They felt amazing on my skin. So much better than the damned sweatpants. I also found myself liking how they showed off my butt. Jeanine said that was normal. She also got me my first few bras to get used to. Putting them on and taking them off were not easy for me, but I was in for the long haul.

"Don't over-think it," she said. "Just embrace it. Oh, and I have something else for you."

Jeanine put a fancy keycard in my hand. It even had a picture of me as "Bobbi" on it. "This is a sign of trust. I talked to Dan about it and he agreed. You can move around a bit more of the facility with it. But this freedom means that you will try to make this work. Okay?"

I nodded. I didn't want to let Jeanine or myself down.

I applied myself in class. I answered what questions I could, and when my teacher needed volunteers, I did so. I was within a new group of people in this part of the facility. There was no sign of Brett or "Britney". I wasn't sure if I was grateful for that or not. Nor did I see Ethan or any of his posse running around. My new start would be done alone, which was fitting in a way.

People did start to notice me though. Not just because of my participation. Jeanine's assistance with my personal presentation made a difference. People smiled when they looked at me. I noticed that guys were checking me out, and I was shocked. It didn't make me feel weird. I liked it. It was exciting to see people's reactions. The classes did educate me about the difficulties that women faced at being "sexual objects", but personally: it made me feel superior to others. Good or bad. That's what it felt like.

There was one particular guy that kept looking at me. He was a really tall, trim dude wearing a water polo shirt with his sweat pants. Looking at him made me feel...I was so scared then.

I made it through the day, and later I was sitting in Dan's office when Jeanine brought the coffee in. I smiled at her, but didn't want to give it away that she was helping me. Of course, that was an assumption on my part. The whole thing could've been a scripted part of Dan's program. I decided that I didn't care either way. I appreciated the help.

"We've noticed that you've made more of an effort in the last few days," said Dan. "I'm happy to see that."

"I want to get better. I want to. Really."

"That's good. We want you to be the change that you need to be. I know its not easy, but look at it this way: you're setting yourself up for the rest of your life."

I nodded. The pessimist in me wanted to decry it as the stupidest shit that I'd ever heard, but they had me. I didn't want to fail. I wanted to control my own life.

Dan popped my next X-change pill out of the blister-pack. He was about to drop it into my coffee, but stopped.

"Hold out your hand," he said.

I did so.

Dan dropped the tiny pink pill into my hand.

"You should put it in," he said. "As a sign of your commitment. You can do that, right?"

I held the tiny pink pill in my hand. It was such a small thing, and yet it made for such a big change. This version of me called "Bobbi" only existed because of it. I dropped the pill into the steaming cup of coffee. Letting it and any doubts about how serious I was dissolve.

Dan and I toasted to the future. I drank—slowly, but I wasn't scared of it.

Dan said, "Like I said: you've really turned it around, Bobbi. Now is the time for you to take the next step as 'Bobbi'. If you know what I mean."

I drew a blank and indicated this to Dan.

He smiled and said: "You need to experience sex as a woman. This is such a major part of the female experience. You need it. 'Bobbi' needs it."

I could only stare at the Director.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"But...I mean...that's..."

Dan smiled. "Yes. It is a big step, but look at it this way: you need to take big steps to make this change work. Even your friend Brett has already taken the plunge. You need to catch up, Bobbi. It's only fair, right?"

Fair.

I remembered hearing so called "moral people" rail against those bad "four letter words". It was funny to see the mental and linguistic gymnastics they performed not to say them. Was "fair" ever lumped in with those controversial words? Or was I just being hypocritical?

"Don't worry, Bobbi," said Dan. It's all part of the process. The first time that I had sex as 'Evie', it was life changing. It truly demonstrates the miracle of these pills. This is the miracle that will save us."

"I'm not sure that I'm a believer in miracles, Dan."

"Is that so? Look at your situation, Bobbi. You could've been in prison for years, but now you're seizing this opportunity with both hands. Think about Trisha."

"Trisha?"

"Formerly called 'Travis'. We've been working to erase the unfortunate traces of that toxic personality from her. It's going well so far. When we're done Trisha will be well on her way to being a good wife and mother. Our failing society needs good people like that, and we're going to do our best to provide them. Voluntarily or otherwise."

"Otherwise?"

Dan sighed, and leaned back in his chair a bit. His fancy chair creaked just slightly. He said, "The day that we corrected Travis, I told you that such an outcome is only for the most extreme cases. That's usually true, but we're starting to get some serious push from the government. You see, the birthrate in our nation has declined. Directly related to that: we're seeing an upwards trend of single men with little hope of marriage or reproduction. At the same time, we have a rise in anti-social, toxic, and violent behavior by other young men. These men will likely end up in prison, psychiatric institutions, or killed by law enforcement. Combined, these problems are a recipe for disaster and society collapse. So, some are saying that we should immediately make what we did to Travis the standard treatment. No more toxic masculinity and plenty of breeding-age wives for those lonely young men. A perfect solution or so some believe. Some very powerful people."

He let that sink in for a while. Then he said, "So, I really do hope that you're willing to give a 'miracle' a chance."

I finished the coffee and left Dan's office. I said "see you later" to Jeanine on the way out, but just kept walking. She must've known that something was wrong, but she gave me space for the moment. I should've been feeling good about myself. Positive from my new approach to life. I wanted to succeed at this. I needed to be better. Or I was likely to wake up next week and find out that I was a wifey-wife married to Beta-male Accounts-Payable executive and pregnant with his first child. That was better than prison, I suppose, but would I even be 'me'?

I walked around for a long time. Then I decided that the best thing to do might be to get ahead on some of my studying. There was always a lot of reading to do and presentations to prepare for. If I could still decide on anything in my life I could at least make "Bobbi" seem like a smart girl. I walked over to the library in the center of the "outer" campus. Using my ID card to get out of the inner sanctum that they had pulled me into.

The library that the facility boasted was state-of-the-art or so we were told. I remembered being in public school and seeing our meager resources. Supposedly, after we ended up in the JDC our old school received new and improved funding from the state.

The governor said: "It is our civil duty—no it is our cause to facilitate the continuing and improving education of our youth. No one should complain about paying their fair share to achieve that necessity."

It sounded good, but it was a little late to help me.

The program's library had three levels. A massive collection of books and even more books that had been digitally-scanned. There was a normal computer lab for traditional assignments and a special technology section for more recent technological devices and training. Some of that stuff rather interesting to me, and I hoped to get the chance to explore it once I was in better standing.

Try as I might to focus on my school work, I found it impossible not to dwell upon my uncertain situation with Dan. I wanted to believe that he was still hopeful for me and that his implied threat was more of a formality than anything of substance. As much as I did that, I couldn't help but remember watching what Travis went through when they forced the permanent pill down his throat. The fear in his eyes. The knowledge that his choices were at an end.

I recalled all of the magical promises that Dan made about this treatment. They sounded good enough, but it was impossible to forget what I had seen: the complete destruction of Travis. Technically, a traditional murder hadn't taken place, but it was damn close to it. The death of a personality. Dan had assured me that it was only done in extreme cases to "save a life". The young man that had been "Travis" would disagree. The young woman named "Trisha" probably didn't know who or where she was—and wouldn't until they planted a bunch of stuff in her brain.

Would she be happy in the long run though?

I sat in the library barely managing to do any research for my homework. I was struck with that question. I'd been "Bobbi" for days now. I was worried. My cock and balls were still gone and I was starting to get used to it. Even more frightening was that my mind was different. I began noticing this in little ways. How I looked back at my past actions and I wondered how I could have ever done those things. They made no sense. I was a "good girl" I thought. I didn't do bad things. I wasn't sure if my heart was going to descend straight into oblivion or jump out of my throat and paint the walls of the library a meaty red.

Worse: I began to catch myself staring at some of the guys more. When did that start? I wasn't sure. The old me had never done anything with a guy. But it technically wasn't gay if I was like this, I thought, and sent myself into a spiral of doubt. What had that asshole Dan done to me?

I went into the computer lab and sat down. I sent an email to Jeanine. Begging her to help me understand what I had become. But what could she really do for me? They'd made a girl out of me, and there was only so much that I could do for that.

I sat there—dejected for a while.

"Are you okay?" asked a guy's voice.

I looked up and saw one of the guys from class: Jason, the guy in the water polo shirt. He was tall brunette. Jason was a year younger than me, but a huge dude. Water polo, I thought. It was bizarre that such a guy had ended up in the program. The sports guys were such straight arrows normally.

"Oh...yeah," I said. "Just...you know...trying to deal."

It sounded so lame, but I didn't have anything else to say.

Jason smiled, which made me nervously smile back. He had perfect teeth. He was so...so...oh God...what was I now?

"I think that you're really brave," he said.

"Really?"

"Are you kidding? Of course. I mean: a lot of the guys here are being made to do it. Some say that we're all going to do it eventually and others maintain that it's only for the trouble-makers."

"Like me," I said. Ashamed and what I had become over the years.

Jason touched my hand, and I let him. In fact, feeling his warm flesh against mine was so nice. I wanted more of it. A lot more.

Jason said, "I don't think that you're a bad person. I heard a little about what you guys did."

"People got hurt."

"Did anyone die? Did you want to hurt people?"

"Of course not. We were just stupid. We ruined our lives for nothing."

Jason squeezed my hand. I was breathing deeply—trying to take in the scent of him. It was musky—intense. I wanted to bathe in it.

"You see?" he said. "You were young and foolish. It happens. Not everyone matures at the same time. My pastor told me that."

Instinct always made me wary of certain religious people, but I was so drawn to Jason that I didn't care. Before I knew it, I was crying in front of him. I hated that he saw me doing it, but at the same time some part of me believed that it was okay. I ended up with my face on his shoulder and his arms around me. I got this warm feeling from it. Not just because of his amazing body heat, which was surprisingly comfortable, but something deep inside of me. The longer that it went on I felt something stranger. A tingling that rose in my new panties. From inside the mysterious and frightening pussy that I had now had down there. Earlier, I'd been so scared to even touch it, but now, more than ever, it longed for attention.

"Things are going to be fine," said Jason, with that priceless smile on his face.

"Yes," I said. "I'm starting to think that they will."

Jason sought to the gentleman-thing and disentangle himself from me before things became awkward. However, I wasn't so easy to shake off.

"Oh," he said. "This is fine."

I took a deep breath of him—loving every molecule of what I was picking up.

"You smell fantastic," I told him.

"Really? Because they didn't let me bring my body spray with me."

"You don't need it."

Jason took a breath. I realized that I was making him nervous. "I can't believe this," he said. "I forgot your name."

I smiled. "It's Bobbi."

"That's cute."

I smiled. On the inside, a part of me was screaming to stop. That this wasn't who I was. But that part of me was too distant to make a difference. I trusted Jason. I didn't know why.

I said, "The people in the program want me to have sex as a girl. I've been so scared of it. Not knowing who I can trust."

"You're pretty tight with that friend of yours, right?"

It hurt me to think of Brett. I'd fucked up by getting involved with Ethan/Yvette and I regretted it more than most things in my life.

"It's complicated," I told him. "He hates me now. So, he won't be doing it. What about you?"

"Well," he said. "There's a lot going on."

I moved my hand down to the front of his program-issued sweatpants. I found a large and hardening bulge down there. It most definitely appreciated the opportunity.

"Are you interested?" I asked him.

"Yes. I mean...if it would be okay with you." He looked around. "Where would we do this though?"

I took Jason by the hand. "Let's see how much they really want me to do this."

I took Jason from the library towards the secure inner complex where I'd been relocated. I used my keycard that Jeanine gave me and we made it through the main doors. I kept the keycard in my hand and held it out in front of me like a shield. One of the polo-clad staff members did see us, but my blatant display of the keycard warded him off. I began to suspect that Dan had officially updated my status. Finally, after several minutes we made it back to my new room, and I was quick to shut the door behind us.

"Are we going to get in trouble?" asked Jason.

"I don't think so," I assured him, but realistically: I had no idea. My hormone-addled brain was so focused on sex that I didn't care.

I latched onto Jason, and had to stretch a bit to plant my lips firmly on his. I pushed against him until it hurt.

"Easy," he said. "We don't have to go so fast. I'm not going anywhere."

I apologized—horribly embarrassed at what a fool I was making of myself. Jason took a little bit of time to comfort me again, and I was hooked on him.

I wasn't tall enough to get his shirt off, so he helped me—revealing a sculpted that I would have never been able to achieve when I was a guy. He played water polo so not only did he have that broad swimmer's body but I could tell that he normally shaved his chest. After being in the program for a while it was starting to grow back. I felt at his toned chest with my hands. Something came over me and I took his left nipple in my mouth and pulled until he yelped. I wanted to mark him as mine.

He gently eased me away, and playfully tugged at my blouse. I got the hint and pulled it up over my head leaving only my bra, which I was still awkward with. Jeanine had tried so hard to teach me, and little by little I was learning. Having a girl's body was one thing, but wearing their clothes was something else. I struggled like a noon trying to remove the bra. Finally, Jason offered to help. He opened my bra easily—making me feel like an idiot. That didn't matter though. The important thing was that my plump tits were suddenly free and open to him.

I partially covered myself out of sudden embarrassment. The feel of my breasts in my hands was still a strange thing, even if I had started to grow more comfortable with them. Finally, I had to ask myself what my intentions really were. Did I want to do this with Jason or was I just kidding myself? I uncovered my breasts. Displaying my truth. Letting Jason get a full view of them.

"Wow," he said. "Very nice. I mean: I know that they're real, but it's still crazy."

"I know," I said. I squeezed my breasts and did a little pose for him. "It's just how I am now."

"I like you this way," he said. "You're so hot."

It was strange thing to hear, but I liked it.

"Do you like me enough to fuck me?" I asked.

"Can we?"

I nodded. "Please, Jason. I want this."

Jason pulled off his sweat pants, and then removed his tighty-whities. Displaying to me a large cock with the pubic hair trimmed down to reveal it in all of its glory. It was an odd thing for me to look upon. For so much of my life, I would've been repulsed, or so I thought. However, as "Bobbi" I was intrigued. Wanting.

"Now you," said Jason.

I pulled off the leggings that Jeanine had bought for me, and was left standing there in my white cotton panties. They were hot and soaked with my juices. I pulled them off and let Jason see the whole of me. The pussy that I was so afraid of, and yet had become such a focal point of my life.

"You're so beautiful," he said. "Like perfect or something."

I wanted to laugh. Guys could say such dumb things, but whatever. I didn't want to discourage him.

I went into his strong arms. I found his lips with mine. It was such a different thing than anything that I'd ever done in my life, and yet it felt so real and some comforting. I enjoyed this simple thing for a long time. Basking in the attention. I loved feel his strong hands explore my soft body. That vulnerability...I never imagined that I could enjoy that.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. "We don't have to."

I shook my head. "I need to...and I want to. This new body of mine is telling me so, and the more that I think about it the more that it makes sense."

"Man," said Jason. "These pills are powerful, huh? I'm scared to try one."

"It's not easy," I admitted. "I think that I like you the way you are though."

Jason liked hearing that, and I wasn't lying. I wanted him so much then. If you asked me if I was "Bobby" or "Bobbi" I wouldn't have been able to tell you. As "Bobbi" though, I had an inkling as to what I needed to do.