Ye Olde Spice Shoppe

"So is that what you did? Right then at that time?"

"No. My mom held on for another five months. The precinct captain let me work some very flexible hours so that I could go home for whatever time I needed to help my mom then go back and finish up before going home to care for her again."

Brian exhaled then said, "For the last month or so, I couldn't leave at her at all."

He wasn't getting emotional, but Vanessa was. She felt so moved that she got up and went over and sat in the chair beside him.

"I really am sorry, Brian," she told him as she put her hand on his forearm.

"Thank you."

He sat up, forced a smile, then said, "Anyway, after she passed, I went to the next class the Academy had, and well, I was very fortunate to make detective in five years."

That was the minimum time needed, and although Officer Neiss had just five years of experience, anyone who worked with him would have said he was as deserving as anyone they'd ever known. He was in early, stayed late, and spent a good share of his off-duty time following up leads or talking to detectives and assisting them just to learn what they did.

Vanessa had no idea how unusual that was, but she didn't need to know that in order to be impressed.

For some reason, Vanessa now wanted or maybe even needed to know how old Brian was. So after setting the stage by telling him it didn't matter, she asked him directly. She moved her hand away when she did then waited for him to answer.

"I'm 27," he told her as he turned to look at her.

"Twenty...seven," she replied, pausing between the words as though that would make it easier to accept.

"Uh-huh. I'm 27 years old."

When he told her, Vanessa looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap and hadn't looked back at him since.

"You can't be all that surprised," Brian said in that kind, gentle tone of voice.

"No. I...I wasn't surprised. Too much. I...I guess I was hoping you were at least 30."

She finally looked at him again then said, "I guess that maybe actually hearing it was the hard part."

Brian smiled warmly then said just as gently, "The only reason why that would be 'hard' is because it makes a difference in how you see me, and it still wouldn't matter unless you had feelings of some kind for me."

Vanessa looked away again, and that was because she knew Brian was right. She'd thought...fondly...of him until she came to his apartment, but after seeing and hearing who he really was, she could no longer tell herself it was just a physical attraction.

It had been much too long since she'd made love with a man, but even so, she still wouldn't have jumped into bed with him no matter how handsome he was. But now she knew that in spite of his chronological age he was not some...young kid. He was a 27-year old man who had what her late father had once said was 'a lot of miles on him'.

"I know we only just met, and I also know it was under terrible circumstances, but I want you to know that I'm hoping that you do," Brian quietly told her.

Vanessa had been listening, but she hadn't really heard what he said as her brain examined what her heart was telling her where Brian was concerned.

"That I do?" she asked, venturing a quick glance his way before looking back down.

"Yes. I'm hoping that you might have feelings for me, Vanessa."

Brian waited for her to say something, and after several seconds passed in which the only sound was that of silence, he went to stand up. But as he did, Vanessa's hand reached out and again touched his forearm.

"I'm...I'm just very confused," she said as he sat back down before he finished standing up.

"It's because of the last thing I just told you, isn't it?" he asked even more gently than before.

"Yes," Vanessa replied so quietly he barely heard her.

"I understand," he told her.

She then turned to him and asked how he could understand if he didn't have the same concern.

"No one understands anyone exactly. No matter how similar their experiences, there are always differences. But we're all human beings, and because we can experience the entire range of human emotions, it is possible to empathize with someone even if we don't fully understand everything they're feeling."

Vanessa found herself trying to smile as she looked at him and said, "How can you possibly be so young and yet so...wise?"

"I don't know about that," Brian told her, "but I do know I have feelings for you. And as much as I'd love for you to have them for me, I'm never going to pressure you to...like me back."

Vanessa just sat there looking at him and trying to work through what was bothering her when Brian said, "Because love has to be freely given."

It was such a simple truth, but the truth of it hit her very hard as she continued staring.

"Wouldn't you feel, I don't know...out of place...to be seen with...with a woman my age?" she finally asked.

"I don't know," Brian replied, seeming to confirm her suspicion.

"But I don't plan to ever be seen with any woman your age."

He paused, smiled, then quietly said, "Except for you."

"We uh, we should probably get going, don't you think?" Vanessa suggested before something happened she couldn't control. Her heart was beating faster, and she again realized if they didn't leave, that Brian might possibly try and kiss her. And were he to do that, she was just as sure that she would be unable to say 'no' to him in any way.

"Sure. I'll call for the check."

"No. It's my turn," Vanessa said as she raised her arm to get the server's attention.

They rode in silence back to his place, and once the car was parked, Brian shut off the engine then looked over at her.

"I'm probably making a huge mistake right now, but the truth is...I want to kiss you more than I've ever wanted to kiss any woman before, Vanessa, but I meant it when I said 'm not going to do that because...."

Vanessa lost the internal battle that had been raging in her mind and could no longer stop herself. Without warning she leaned over and kissed Brian as he spoke. He stopped talking and kissed her back but let her decide what kind of kiss this would be. It lasted maybe two seconds, and while there was nothing more than the kiss, it was one he knew he would never forget.

She pulled back then looked back down at her lap before saying, "I...I'm sorry. I have no idea why I did that."

Brian reached up over gently brushed her hair back behind her ear then said quietly, "Yes you do."

"No. I don't. That...that's not like me," Vanessa replied, unable to look at him. "At all!"

"It's okay. I didn't mind. At all."

Vanessa ignored him as her brain felt like it was on fire.

"I...I need to go. I...I can't be here. I'm sorry."

Just as suddenly as she'd kissed him, she grabbed her purse, flung the car door open, and nearly ran to her own car.

Brian never tried to stop her or even ask her to reconsider. She seemed almost possessed as she left, and for the first time, he was wondering if he'd been wrong about her. If so, it was the worst case of mistaken judgment he'd ever made about anyone, but something told him it wasn't that.

So as he sat there watching as her car drove away, he had a very strong suspicion that he'd be hearing from her again. In spite of what had just happened, he felt confident she had similar feelings for him. He didn't know when, but he was reasonably certain it wouldn't be too long.

That evening, hunger drove him to get up, and a strong dislike of cooking, among other things, convinced him to go get something to eat. After what had just happened there was really only one choice; a choice that offered the best comfort food in town.

When he walked into Pine State Biscuits, a pretty, young girl who worked there saw him and smiled. He smiled back, but it was only out of habit. Normally, he'd have found a way to get her to be his server, and he'd have then found a way to make sure he had her number. And with any luck he'd...have her...later that night.

But he was currently uninterested as an older, beautiful woman was the sole focus of all his romantic thoughts and feelings, so even though she was very cute, he wasn't interested in the least.

Another woman who was perhaps 40, but who looked much older and much less attractive than Vanessa, welcomed him and asked him to follow her. He was deep in thought and didn't notice until he sat down. But when she handed him a menu, Brian saw her.

His server was recommending one of their signature biscuit meals, but he didn't hear a word as he stared at someone. The older woman stopped talking then looked in the direction Brian was staring. Just as she turned, a very attractive blonde woman saw Brian and nearly spewed the sip of coffee she'd just taken.

"I...I didn't follow you here. I swear!" Brian said, his hands up indicating innocence.

"Is everything okay?" the server asked when she saw the look on the other woman's face. When no one answered, she asked the woman if she needed her to call someone.

"What? No. It's okay," Vanessa assured her.

She looked back at Brian, but he was still looking at Vanessa.

"Did you maybe want to sit here? With me?" Vanessa asked, already feeling guilty and foolish for how she'd behaved.

"You sure you don't mind?" Brian asked, as his server stood there waiting to see what might happen.

"No. Not at all," Vanessa said as she tried to smile

Brian asked the server to excuse him as he stood up, and once she moved aside he thanked her then let her know he'd be joining the pretty blonde at the other table.

"I'll get your server," the woman said.

Brian stopped, got out his wallet and removed a five-dollar bill.

"I'm sorry. That table's not in your section, is it?"

Before the woman could answer he said, "Please. I feel bad for moving out of your area."

The woman hesitated then said, "Thank you. Things have been pretty difficult lately. This is very nice of you."

"My pleasure," Brian told her as he put the bill in her hand.

He got to Vanessa's table then said, "May I?"

"Yes. Please."

He sat down and Vanessa said, "I wasn't surprised to see you tip her even though she never really served you."

"I uh, I was imaging my mom and someone doing that to her, and well...."

"I guess you were right."

Brian gave her a puzzled look as the younger, cute girl came over and asked if he'd like some coffee.

He told her 'yes' then asked Vanessa what she meant.

"About why I, you know I...bolted."

"Ah, okay."

Brian smiled at her then told her it was no big deal.

Feeling better, Vanessa asked, "Which part? Me kissing you or storming off like a 16-year old girl?"

The way she smiled at him told him she wasn't angry or upset, and he smiled to himself with a smug sense of satisfaction that he'd been right all along.

The new server came back with Brian's coffee and Vanessa's food then asked if she could get them anything else. Both of them said 'no' so she asked what Brian what he'd like to eat.

"You could have half of mine," Vanessa suggested. "Unless you're really hungry."

"No. I'm hungry, but not that hungry."

The server looked at Vanessa then said, "Ah! That's so nice of you to share with your son!"

It was clearly a dig, and before Brian could say anything, Vanessa just smiled at her and said, "Oh, no. That very handsome man is my boyfriend."

The young girl gave her a 'you've gotta be kidding me' look along with an eye roll followed by a 'yeah, right'.

Brian reached over and took Vanessa's hand then said, "Honey? I don't think she believes you."

Vanessa saw the look at the girl's face and was trying not to laugh when the girl said, "Whatever!" and turned to walk away.

"I believe she has a crush on you, Brian."

"I didn't notice."

"How could you not?"

He smiled at her as he continued holding her hand and said, "I wasn't even aware that any other woman was in here after I saw you."

In most situations, Vanessa would have said something playfully snarky, but the way Brian was looking at her made her heart skip a beat. It also caused her to pull her hand away making Brian wonder yet again if he was wrong.

"Here's your fork!" the young server said as she dropped it in front of Brian before spinning around and walking off.

"Good thing I tipped my server already, huh?" he said to Vanessa who couldn't help but laugh.

"If I hadn't waited tables myself, I'd be leaving her a penny!"

"I can't see you doing that to anyone," Brian told her, that same look on his face that made Vanessa's legs feel all rubbery.

"I really am sorry, Brian. I honestly don't know what came over me."

"It's okay. Really."

"I think maybe you really do know me better already than I know myself," Vanessa admitted with a little wince indicating she still felt guilty.

"I can live with you being confused. I don't think I'd be okay if you were angry with me."

"Angry? With...you?" Vanessa said, a look of surprise on her face. "I...I was more than a little upset with myself, but not with you."

"Upset with yourself for...."

She saw him trying not to smile and said, "Not for kissing you. Again."

"Oh. Okay."

"I think I just panicked. I couldn't believe someone as thoughtful and considerate as you would really be interested in...me. And then I...I kissed you, and that made me feel...I was so confused I just...ran."

"You forgot devilishly handsome," Brian told her so seriously it made her laugh; a laugh that let her get rid of a whole lot of internal tension.

"You are that," she told him while looking at him but breaking eye contact the moment she said it.

Vanessa was looking at her food then remembered she'd offered to share.

"Oh. Sorry. Here."

She slid the plate toward the middle, and Brian cut off a bite then held out his other hand as he guided it to his mouth.

"I'd ask someone for another plate, but I'm afraid she might throw it at me," Vanessa said as she looked around as though the younger girl might be listening and maybe even lying in wait.

Brian chuckled as he chewed then said, "Good call," as she did the same thing.

When she finished the bite she apologized again then said, "I'm really glad you're here."

"Me, too," Brian said as they looked at one another.

"Would you maybe be willing to go over the list of things I think I need to do with me later this evening?" Vanessa asked a little pensively.

"Sure. I'd be happy to."

"Oh. Okay...great," Vanessa replied as her tummy began to flutter along with her heart.

After leaving a meager 10% tip, the most she could justify, Vanessa agreed to go back to Brian's apartment where they spent an hour or so making a checklist she could use the following week. Brian would be back at work and unable to spend much time with her, and the list helped her prioritize and focus.

But more importantly, it let her spend more time sitting next to someone she could have never imagined sitting next to. At least not with her also having the kinds of feelings she was having for him.

She didn't get up or even move away when they were done with the list. She sat beside him and waited to see what might come next. She wasn't surprised when Brian's first question was one that was indicative of the kind of man he was.

"Would you tell me about your brother?" he asked. "If it isn't too hard for you."

"No. I'd love to," she replied before spending an hour or so reminiscing, telling stories, and sharing personal details about her life she'd never told anyone before.

"That's quite a story, Vanessa. And the way you turned your life back around is impressive."

She'd been proud of the decisions she'd made since Gabe put her on the straight and narrow all those many years ago. But when she looked at Brian and thought about the things he'd done, they seemed pretty modest by comparison.

"I know you lost your mom and dad, too. I'd love to hear about them if this hasn't been too emotionally draining for you."

Vanessa had relived the memories she shared with Brian a thousand times before, and while she still ached to be able to tell them one more time how much she loved them, she happily recounted her fondest memories. But, as always, the final chapter ended with the Portland police officer at their doorstep.

She'd shared this terrible part of her life with several friends, and while she hadn't cried in years, she found herself tearing up as she tried to convey just how difficult it was for her to hear those fateful words, "I'm sorry. There's been a terrible accident. Both of your parents were killed."

Brian noticed and put his arm around her to comfort her. Vanessa not only didn't pull away, she laid her head on his shoulder and felt so safe that she was able to cry without any sense of shame. Brian handed her a tissue and pulled her closer and waited for her to finish.

"I...I haven't gotten emotional like that in many years," she told him once she regained control.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No. It wasn't you," she said before looking at him then smiling. "Well, in a way it was. I mean, it was you making me feel safe enough to show that part if myself to someone I don't really know all that well."

"I don't like seeing you cry, but I love hearing you say that," Brian quietly told her.

"And I really am sorry for...running away...earlier."

"Don't be. I'm just really happy that you're here. With me."

"Me, too," she told him.

Brian could see that she wanted to say something else and asked her what it was.

"I was just wondering if you were happy enough to...to kiss me...again."

Vanessa's heart was pounding as Brian turned then cupped her face with his hands.

"I believe it was you who kissed me, but...."

He was smiling but stopped as he softly pressed his lips against hers. Vanessa immediately melted into his arms and kissed him back but much more passionately this time.

"Wow," she said when it ended. "You must really like me."

"Yeah. That was an amazing kiss."

"No. Well, yes. It was an amazing kiss, but I have to look like something out of a horror show."

Vanessa's eyes were black and mascara streaks had run down her cheeks, but to Brian, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever kissed and told her so.

She smiled as she thanked him then asked if he was really okay dating someone her age.

"We're dating?" he replied with a little cock of the head.

"I...I don't know. Are we?" she asked rather hopefully.

Brian looked into her eyes then said, "I hope so. And if this isn't too...corny...I'd like us to...."

"Go steady?" Vanessa suggested as she tried not to laugh.

"Okay. I was going to say 'be exclusive' but I'm good with 'going steady'."

"I'd like that. Very much."

"Same here, and to answer your question, I couldn't be happier dating...you."

"It's so surreal. I'm back in Portland because my brother passed away, and the last thing on my mind was meeting someone. And not just someone but someone so...."

"Young?" Brian offered, trying to be humorous.

Vanessa, however, was very serious when she replied.

"That, but more importantly, someone I...trust. Someone who makes me feel safe. Someone I...respect."

"I have to say that I'm just as surprised as you are, Vanessa. I not only didn't expect this to happen with you, I pretty much assumed it would never happen with anyone."

"A confirmed bachelor?" she asked, a happy smile back on her pretty face.

"Until I met you anyway," he told her before kissing her again.

They spent the rest of the weekend together, and come Monday morning, Brian was back at the precinct as Vanessa began working through the list. But the one thing she didn't do was look for a realtor to sell the shop.

She didn't do that because she now had a reason to stay in Portland, and after really going over the books, the realized she could make more money, a lot more money, by taking over the spice shop. And it also occurred to her that other than two close friends, there was nothing keeping her in Seattle.