by sweetcheex90
A nice first effort! IMHO, you might have moved forward, perhaps, a bit slower in developing the action, especially, since he and she had been lusting for one another for quite some time <smile>. In this manner you could expand upon their affection for one another, as well as their virtually all-consuming lust. Frankly, I think this has the chance to develop into a lovely April- August romance with several chapters. I sincerely wish to thank you for sharing your writing with us and would encourage you to pursue this talent of yours.
Regards,
-Wylde
ps
I am certain that I would greatly enjoy nippling on those lovely and passionately distended nibbles. ::eg::
Is obviously not a strength. And I guess you have a computer from the 1980s because you do not have a spell checker.
Ok first off sorry about the spelling and no my computer isn't old as dirt but I think my keyboard is which definitely makes it hard to spell!! Anywho I'll get a freakn editor okay! Geez. Those of you who gave positive feed back, thank you so much it really made me feel better! And I know the story could've had much more detail but I was skeptical people would get bored. It was my first story and I just wanted readers to accept me as a writer. Is that so bad? When I first wrote it it was very lengthy but I'll be sure part two has more detail! thanks.
I think all of u are pathetic for even reading shit like this!!! If u really think ur good enough to critic other people's writing then u really need to get sOme self help like idk maybe therapy!!!!!!!!
Very good first submission! You definitely have talent for creating characters. Thank you!
I've never wrote a story myself but i've read plenty on this site. I find your story to be the typical story on this site (kinda fast paste and straight to the banging). I think its good for most readers but i prefer longer stories with greater character development and emotion with a plot line that only has the hot sex scenes as a secondary issue. But dont get discouraged. I stayed hard while reading your story and gave myself a few squeezes and stokes. I appreciated your efforts and i hope you continue to become a great well known writer on this site.
awesome first story . and getting right to the point of having what you needed being ricky hard cock . awsome writing more of the same please
Very quick without much build-up...but it has promise. I'd flesh out the scenes more and use spellcheck but otherwise it was a good first sumission.
You show definite potential as a story teller. The spelling and grammar can be handed off to someone else. Telling stories is a lot tougher than editing them.
However, Riley may want to wear a condom for a little while. It takes birth control pills a month to kick in. So, unless he wants to be a middle-age daddy with a teenage family friend for the mommy, he needs to use that condom while she is in town.
Good story but take some time to proofread. It felt like you were being rushed in writing this but otherwise the story is hot.
I came so hard I have had this fantasy about my dads friend for a long time