by blackstroker
The grammar and spelling kills it and the fight was a major turnoff. Also asshole is one word and you do not capitalize the c in cumming unless it's the first word in a sentence. That's not all you did wrong. **
Anyone who bothers to criticize a perfectly good story because a word is incorrectly capitalized doesn't have much of a life. I like it that the boy calls his mother "mommy." That evokes the very special bond between a mother and her male child, the closest human bond there is. It's only natural that a boy like that uses the big fat mommy-pleaser he's got jumping around in his pants to give the wonderful hairy hole between his mommy's thighs--the same hole he came out of a real good drubbing. Then the kid blows his loaded young balls up inside his mommy--right up where his creamy semen just fucking belongs.
Look, there were some errors in the story but it was a good story so well done you.
It's called criticism, get a dictionary, look it up, read the definition, understand it. It wasn't even harsh, it was mildly abrassive at worst. Any writer that wants to improve will take criticism along with praise. An editor is needed, but the story is decent. I give it 3 stars for sharing and being brave enough to write something. I hope to see more in the future
Get a life! None of these stories will ever win a pulitzer prize so just enjoy it. This story was ggreat
Started very good but finish could have been much better. Seeing moms tit and hairy pussy has caused many guys to go a little crazy.
Started with potential. Continued till your story became barely readable and finally descended into absolute Crapland.
You write like you've got short-span Down Syndrome.
Please no sequels & please don't EVER post another story on Literotica or anywhere else....dimwit you are.
I have read several of your stories and I love your writing. You give a great visual. I wonder if you has any experiences like the ones you write about?
And you sir, are pretty disturbed, going by all your comments on Lit.
Please stay on your meds.
And you sir, are pretty disturbed, going by all your comments on Lit.
Please stay on your meds.
@RE: nitpicking gone mad
ERROR: sorry. meant for the other (1st) guy
Moved thru the story steadily and enjoyed your take on the "mommy and me," theme.
Thanks for sharing.
Next chapter should have the Chinese girl in it maybe a three some or just with the mother or just the son and maybe he gets both knocked up
Characters' actions and dialogue are not at all believable and do not flow naturally.
This seems like it was either written in another language and translated very badly, or written by a middle schooler.
And the comment section isn't supposed to be used to fight someone for giving you less than positive feedback.
Well i liked it,Quick and simple..my mom used to jump on me and pin me down with pussy exposed,i wish i had of given her a tickle now.
A good mother/son fuck story. Not liking the violence between them, but I guess that is your way of her coming to the realization of him fucking her. Nothing like the love of a mother and son. I know you wrote this awhile ago, but it is still a good story. Thanks for your time and imagination