All Comments on '"You Should Probably Take That"'

Excellent. Loved the title. Thanks.

Respectable writing ability, but I see why the author gets one-bombed by half of his readers. Inserting gratuitous Fox jokes and MSNBC strokes instantly outs the writer as a hard core liberal. Being a liberal writer would not result in the non-liberal half of the readers raining ones down on the story, since the genre is disproportionately rife with those kinds of authors. Being a liberal writer who makes a point of adding in political jabs that have no substance and add nothing to the context of their story, will result in a run of ones, simply from the irritant factor.

Writers have the right to insert their own politics into their stories, but they should be cognizant that unless they are in an echo chamber, they will find there are consequences to being outspoken.

In other words, feel free to make Fox slut jokes and ones about MSNBC intelligence, but don't whine when your feedback stinks like a Clinton cigar.

Excellent story.

Odd and gratuitous political commentary, but the story itself was enjoyable.

Really good I only glanced at it briefly with a mind to read it after work but once I started I could put it down .Lucky it wasn’t to long 👍5⭐️

Screw the anons, they are stupid anyway. The Bear loved it. 7.5 stars because while he did get a divorce, brutally so, he didn't get a happy ending. And I love happy endings. More, please, sir. i don't know why you 'get bombed' on your stories. I loved it.

The BEAR

I thought that the story itself was good. The parents creating an entitled and screwed up daughter was spot on. That being said, every reader deserves respect from if they take the time to finish your story. Taking cheap shots at anyone’s politics doesn’t improve the story and you certainly took those kind of shots. This went from a 5 to a 4 star rating accordingly.

Well, I liked it. My only wish was that there was more to read about the aftermath. Did he meet someone better and trustworthy. How did her career fare? Being Scottish I didn't get the political commentary but it couldn't have been too bad or I would have picked up on it. So really well done. 5 stars from me.

Loved it! Well done. I not a writer by any stretch of the imagination but prefer stories where the main character does his own narration. It let us readers get more involved with the character and his development through the story. Having a 3rd party narration is like listening to a lecture by someone who was not involved in the situation. Just a point of preference from an avid reader of all tropes

Great story!!!!!!!

Here's 5 stars for a BTB; hopefully it will help offset the people who love cheaters and hate honest men (or women).

Dan is going to jail for 6 months for stealing the money out of the shared accounts for his investigations His ex wife got 70% of the money for his illegal actions When he threw papers at the judge and cussed him out the dimwit got a additional 5 years in prison and the ex-wife got use of the house. Unfortunately he died in prison so she kept living there No one mourned his demise

The story is just fine. My difficulty is with the names Kendall Keys, Cory Calloway and Kendall Kenner. I'd have been OK with one alliterative name, maybe two, but three?

Nah brah.

While it was well told, that seemed like a rather uneventful ending considering the fireworks that led us to that point. Questions like did she take the ring, what happened to her job, what happened to lover boys job and marriage and what actually happened with her and her parents? Was she actually THAT delusional or was she mentally ill? So many questions. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't like to fill in my own details, I'd rather read them.

As an avid viewer of Fox News, I subtracted enough points to arrived at my assigned score. You get 2* for somewhat decented writing

Tangleweed.....very well said. I agree completely. In fact it's why I went to 3 stars instead of the 5 I was ready to give....you should write stories....

Very good story showing a supporting narrative to the death of two marriages.

As for the wife, looking objectively at what had happened in her marriage, that is the bit of fiction that stretches my credulity the greatest. Who knows, women may ponder to themselves or amongst close female friends(sic). Yet openly stating what happened to a soon-to-be ex spouse, I don't think so. Possibly years later, but certainly not at the time.

The comments on MSNBC and Fox brought nothing to this tale, and will have I think removed some good grace from a proportion of those reading.

great story and great writing. Pity there was no stars or it would have been 5 star. As an Australian, it always amuses me the way Americans are so divided in politics that comments about these stories centre on whether the writer is being reasonable. The stories are fiction, so lighten the fuck up.

Lol! I think Tangledweed said it very well! Hey look, I get it. I’ve written a story that involved the militia. I didn’t get political about it, just took truth to a fictional level. I still had commenters give me a ration. That’s cool. They believed what Mr. Google tells them about militias, and I’m a member of four states militia. The actual so-called ‘unregulated’ states militia.

Same thing with a story about the mafia. From 14-24 I worked at a country club run by 90% Sicilian mafia. Both stories scored high because I stuck to what I knew to be true, first-hand, and kept the fluff out.

The trick is, don’t push one side or the other. Keep political affiliation out of the story. The truth is when it comes to politics and the media, fox and MSNBC are simply two sides of the same coin. And brother, if you think you’re getting any accurate news from either of them, you are sadly mistaken. Don’t believe me? Look at their ratings. It’s even worse at CNN. SpongeBob reruns do better in their time slot! 980k views for an entire day, in a country of 345M (again, Google says it’s 321M, that’s a lie) BTW, those numbers include an extrapolation of ‘customers’ in places like coffee shops and major airports. Sigh. A big ‘guess.’

Your writing and your style is quite good, and I liked the story even with the unnecessary political jabs. Just a word to the wise, if you don’t have first-hand knowledge, don’t include it in your story, or your reader base will start to look upon you like someone who believes what Joy Behar says on “The View.”

Cookingwithgas

A good story but one that wasn’t consistent. It was like reading two similar stories from 2 different authors. In one the adulterous wife is calm, intelligent, narcissistic but capable of self examination. The second version has her violent, deluded, entitled, hateful, spiteful and insane. Clinically insane.

Both were good but they shouldn’t have been put together like a music mashup. The 2 stories were too different.

Loved the last line, tied it all together

A compelling portrait of a sociopath - or is it psychopath? I can never keep those two straight - even when I reread their definitions. Whichever it is, she definitely falls on the nurture side of the nature/nurture cause and effect argument. What a piece of shit family. Well rendered character you’ve created in Kendall. Thanks for a fun and entertaining read.

Is the dad Leroy Keys (or Keyes) who played for Purdue back in the late 60's and early 70's? Oh, the story was pretty good too!

Smart of him to record her getting violent. Abuse towards men is not taken seriously enough. Had he not record he would've been screwed. I don't understand why her parent's were so angry at him? It was their daughter that created this mess. They failed as parent's. They didn't raise the whore right.. she's a pathological liar, a cheater and a abuser.. they should be so proud they raised a trash ass daughter who sells pussy for a promotion

I would not normally have commented on a tale that I gave an Excellent Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating. But then I read the 15 comments (at the time).

THIS WILL PROBABLY BE A VERY LONG RANT. YOU MAY CHOOSE TO STOP READING NOW.

First let me state I am one of those Fox News watcher and I love watching Hallmark movies with my wife. I believe that in the LW category there should be three types of ending. RAAC, BTB and Life Well Lived (LWL). There can be combinations of these.

I am a middle of the road conservative. I believe that these tales are just that tales from someone who writes/produces them for their own reasons. I choose to read tales/products here because there are some very talented authors. They produce some very interesting images in their productions. Comments being allowed by an author is a ballsey move.

The fact that we are able to show what we as consumers of their products think is neat in my estimation. I have a personal opinion on anonymous commenters. I will keep that to myself.

As for the content of the comments, I think they are fair game. Just as are mine are fair game for those who don’t like them. This may or may not be allowed by the author. Many I have learned delete the banter back and forth. That make a great deal of sense and I am OK if my comments are deleted. This is the authors area not mine.

Each of us are allowed our opinions. That has always been true on this site. We are allowed to post our opinions to those tales that an author has allowed. The freedom to do that is controlled by the author. I am fine with that because many of our comments can get a little nasty.

This site as I have found has a great deal of international authors and as American’s by in large we do not have international relationship experiences, we tend to view the products here from a perspective of only one or two points of view. I am not declaring this to be wrong just different than the international community.

We must remember that these comments are always just POVs on a tale by the commenter. It is that reason I am ranting so much. If an author is liberal, conservative or middle of the roader who wants to weigh all sides of an issue prior to coming to a conclusion. It shouldn’t matter in the reading, reflection or commenting on the product. This is my opinion on the tangledweed comment. What I feel the production of comments should do is reflect on the imagery that the tale produced for the individual commenter. Tangledweed did this very well in their opinion. BTW I believe they were correct in what they wrote.

Some of the comments on this product are from some authors I consider pretty good at producing great imagery in their tales on this site. That in my opinion gives their comments a little more weight. Again, just an opinion on my part. Two of them, Bebop3 and LT56, had good reviews of this tale. Others whom are just like me consumers on this site also had very good review of this tale as well.

This is the end of my rant. It may or may not make sense. I am known for rattling on about nothing, that is why I don’t produce products for consumption here. My rabbit holes would more than likely run on and on with little value added to others enjoyment.

Thanks to OFFKILTER123 for creating this product for us. I look forward to consuming your future products.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

You started the story with, 'This is a quick one that I am posting with no third-party editing.' I have read stories that have been edited by the best and self edited stories, finding flaws in both kinds. I have also read stories that were the same as above that were very well written. Not this time.

>As a salaried employee, Kendall's income was not increased by the additional hours so whether Kendall worked forty hours a week or sixty hours a week, her income stayed the same. With separate personal accounts, Dan had not known whether Kendall was earning a little or a lot with her overtime hours.

<As a salaried employee, there would be no overtime pay.

>This was the second marriage for both Dan and Kendall.

>Due to the morning glare, the octogenarian driving to her doctor did not see Kendall running down the street.

<Yes you later used the right name, but that was in the next sentence, that is why you reread your own story.

>She picked up her coffee cup and hurled it at Dan's head. If he had not ducked, the phone would have hit him dead center of his forehead.

<At least get the item right when in the same sentence. Yes it was her phone later, but we aren't talking about mind warping.

It's a pretty good story, except I really resented you knocking FOX News for being conservative but praising all things MSNBC. Obviously, ignorance is indeed bliss. Despite my distaste for the cheap political shots, it was a four-star story.

5*****! I liked that a lot! There is a family that needs lessons in anger management. I loved the burning bridges quote and I was surprised by the degree she was self-aware at the end. Good story!

Best call back line I've read on Literotica.

Good story but the political swipes were unnecessary, distracting, and hurt the flow of the story.

I think you need to volunteer to be a staff writer for the US president. Maybe you can create narrative where he doesn’t sound so confused because yours in this story was quite good! 4.1 *

Why did you feel the need to interject leftist crap into what was a halfway decent story. I'm sorry but anyone that thinks MSDNC is "intellectual", and needs to take jabs at FOX, shows a lack of intellect. Two stars. Would have been four without that political garbage. Try to restrain yourself in your next story.

Very good!

I agree with dragonmann72, An editor might have saved this. There were so many name and other errors that is was distracting. The editor also might have advised against the politics. The "you probably should take that" theme was fun and could have made for a much higher rated story if the writing was fixed. Get an editor and better luck next time.

"You probably should take that!" Cute -- ha, ha, real cute. 5*

Haven't read any of your other stories, but will. I agree with some of the other commentors on the political crap as being unnecessarily. Still 5*

The author ruined a five star story with meaningless leftist political references. There is always a time and place for everything but this is neither.

Good writing and good story except for a couple of cheap shots at Fox news. Like all good Liberals, u assume that those who watch Fox are intellectually inferior. Your cognitive dissonance is insulting and detracts from your good storytelling. Next time, just tell the story and leave your left progressive b.s. out of it. No doubt u will score much higher if u heed that advice.

Your swarms attacks on Fox News earned a negative review. Keep politics out of your story and you’ll get better reviews.

Signed

A Denton resident.

One reference to Fox News would have been acceptable, two, well too much.

Like others, the cheap political shot prevented this from 5 stars. I really don't care about the politics one way or another, but going out of your way to alienate a large percentage of your readers is frankly stupid and unnecessary. It cost you two stars.

Tangleweed, Offkilter isn’t outing himself as a hard core liberal. He’s probably just not a maga moron who sucks up the bile spewed out by a so called ‘news’ organisation that employs people like Pirro, Waters Haggity and Ingraham. Not an unbiased opinion between the lot of them. Just roll out the bullshit Murdoch wants you to hear. I’m not an American so I have no dog in your fight, but blatant hypocrisy like that is obvious to the rest of the world.

Just as I thought It looks like i will have to reread the over 2000 loving wives tales I have already read PLEASE ask Literotica to make a separate CUCKOLD section so I do NOT have to scroll thru all these 3 some and cuckold stories THEY SUCK (jaybee186)

She really needs anger management classes.

I enjoyed it.

We get it. You're a MSDNC watching liberal. Ok? We get it. Political pot shots are a boring and infantile trope. Great story, but 1*.

"LT56linebacker: Screw the anons, they are stupid anyway."

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With your anonymous nickname you are "anons" as well, so you can speak to yourself.

What a stupid dick you are. You had a good story going then you just had to do what lefties alway do. You had to make a political dig. By the way. Nobody on an network, especially Fox is as dumb as any Democrat.

She should just become an escort, that way she can get her sex and get paid

could have been a good story until you alienated 50% of readers with the Fox News comment. I guess you don't much care about the deplorables. Oh well! its a free country....

Same misogynistic crap churned out by most of the authors in this category. Nothing Loving about it. 1*

Before I wrote these comments I went back over the story just to see if there was anything I didn't care for. I found nothing. I really like the fact that there wasn't any descriptive sex between Kendall and her lover. We know what sex looks like, I get tired of reading of how many orgasms a lover has or gives. Or how much bodily fluid is on or leaking out of one's body.

I loved the description of Rollie Cruz, we've seen those type of lawyers on bus stop bench ads and late night TV shows. Dan planned her demise perfectly, in-laws were thrown in for good measure.

I look forward to reading more of your works in the future. 5 stars

Ideologue much

For anyone thinking that the Kendall character was over the top, let me assure you that she is not. My poor brother was married to her... the only part that didn't ring true was her admission st the end that she wasn't a good wife.... malignant narcissists are incapable of such truth. But still...great story.

Open your mind. The problem with the dividing America is ideologues such as yourself.

Liberals are all the same.

How foolish can you be to purposely piss in people's Corn Flakes? References to political views is suicide if you're a writer. Why would you do that knowing it will bring one bombs and condemnation?

Adam Smith said there's a great deal of ruin in a nation. He meant that It can withstand a lot of problems and survive. There is not, however, an unlimited amount of ruin a nation can withstand.

There's a great deal of ruin in the LW section. Authors can, and do, make all kinds of mistakes. And even thrive.

But purposefully pissing people off by being gratuitously mean, nasty and small is unlikely to be an optimal writing strategy. Especially for writers whose ability is limited.

MISS, what happen to her latest paramour? Did his wife kick him to the curb, take him for a financial ride? How are his two kids?

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Did Dan sue her company for violating the fraternizing policy or enabling their affair?

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What were the sentences of mom, dad, and Kendall for domestic assault/abuse/trespass? She did threaten his life (more than once), she did cause injuries with a weapon (cellphone) and her fists.

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3.9**** Hooyah, but no salutes to many misses...

5 Big Blazing Stars, I love stories about "entitled" sluts that are brought to ruin by their own cheating. Thanks, Buster2U

Good BTB story , I did get confused a bit in the middle “dream” part on what was happening. Therefore only 4*

I enjoyed the story, but would have been among those downgrading it in the ratings if I had any respect for Fox News.

A really good story that was well told. There was the odd error, but forewarned no editor and doesn't make a good story a poor one. Thank you. Lots of petty political drama in the comments, assume that's the Literheirarchy making a point or just readers forgetting it's a fictional story. I also have an opinion (as that's still allowed in a free world) ... the leading nations of the western world are currently headed by either raving lunatics or leaders on the verge of serious dementia ...the really worrying thing is that the alternatives just don't bear thinking about!. A true democracy will always get the government it deserves...

Great story, very entertaining.

To BaggyUK, one needs to remember that on this side of the pond, we are not a democracy, we are a constituted republic. To all of our wonderful politicians on both sides of the isle, if they don't know the difference then they should get out. Offkilter, I didn't worry about your comments about FOX, our constitution allows for that. If ever you want a beta reading, drop me a line.

YOUR STORY JUST SUCKED AND SO DO YOUR COMMUNIST POLITICS...UNO ESTRELLA!.

I enjoyed your story. Very entertaining, as are your other stories. 5stars for sure

Keep up the good work. I'll keep reading

Gotta luv a big ol slut

Well done....it's one of those stories that I wished had been longer....*5*

Good story, regrettable political ploy. Of course Fox Opinion folks lie to us, they’ve admitted it repeatedly. The actual News from Fox is usual accurate as is that of most major News groups. The Opinion folks at every network slant everything they say because it is OPINION not FACT. Sadly, that seems to be something a lot of folks fail to recognize.

I advise leaving the political nonsense out of your stories here, maybe do a blog instead. I always considered myself to be a little left of center, but the center keeps moving!

RG69

I rarely comment on a story, let alone twice. After reading some of Offkilter's other works, it appears that many of us may have been 'baited' by the Fox News jabs in the story. This author has a penchant for poking fun at politicians in general - both sides. That at least, earns my respect, because so many folks seem to miss the fact that politicians and the mass media that propagates their BS, all lie. The Story? 4.5/5*

It started off well, and you ramped up the tension nicely in the middle, only for it to limp home at the ending.

After all the crazy shit that Kendall and her parents did, I wanted to know what happened with the criminal charges.

There's no way Kendall would avoid prison after being recorded assaulting her husband, then violating a restraining order and making death threats against him. The police would've tagged criminal harassment onto the growing list of charges, as well as contempt of court. No judge would look at her favourably after that.

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This should have ended with Kendall meeting some very unpleasant inmates in prison, who had no qualms about hitting other women. A beautiful woman with an attitude would run into trouble very quickly.

As her life turned to absolute shit, this needed a much happier ending for Dan. He was good looking, in shape, a loyal husband, and quite wealthy with his chain of mechanic shops. A guy like that would have no problem at all finding a replacement for his cheating wife.

He lost his first wife and baby, then his father, then the second wife turned into a whore. You can't just shit on your protagonist relentlessly without giving him an uplifting ending.

In the first story I posted to this site I prefaced it by stating I would never turn off or delete comments from anyone. Some authors choose to cull through comments and delete anything that does not praise them as Hemingway reincarnated. I am the opposite. I believe that if you are going to believe the positive comments, you have to believe the negative. I receive a lot of comments calling me out for taking shots at Fox News and praising MSNBC. In what world is calling someone condescending considered praise? SMH. I could delete the stupid comments, but I choose not to. I believe the comments say more about the commenter than they do the author or the story.

I know my stories are downgraded because far right snowflakes are easily triggered and butthurt by words (hence the push to ban books). I also know that any shots I take at the loony left will sail right over their heads. Read my story The Politician’s Husband; I take shots at both sides. I despise extremism in any form. At this point in time I may take a few more shots at the right, but that’s because of Orange Jesus and not my political beliefs which, aside from being adamantly pro-choice, are center-right. If the left manages to elevate their own demagogue rather than a doddering old fool, then I’ll take more shots at the left. I try to be an equal opportunity offender. Like my bio says, Nothing is Sacred.

Story was really good. Why did you have to get political? Probably lost a good chunk of your audience on comments that were not necessary to the story line.

I wonder why he married her in the first place since she was divorced for infidelity!

5

Entertaining story. Would be interesting to have an extending version with Kendall's continuing train wreck through life. Also, no mention of her court date results. With the charges would guess that she spent some quality time locked up.

I like the story, and I tend to gloss over small errors. That said two comments caught my eye. One salary job I had paid overtime if scheduled and approved,, i.e. inventory on a Saturday., nothing for casual hours.

Why was paying for the PI theft? The lawyer might be questionable if used to pay for service after the divorce was filed, but community property says he can spend it all.

A very disjointed story. Three stars. The Kyle piece had no useful part in this story, or at least as it was presented. Like two authors who had a general idea but wrote separately.

JPB

“Seeing their daughter's distress, Kendall's parents began pounding on the door as well.”

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Just holy shit…no wonder Kendall was a selfish bitch.

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But WTF was the BS about being charged for “terroristic” stuff?

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Not bad. Not great.

.

3 ***

"Dan had not known whether Kendall was earning a little or a lot with her overtime hours." - You just said that as a salaried employee, her income stayed the same regardless of his hours.

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"told Dan that she had zero tolerance for cheaters." - Why is it always the ones with "zero tolerance" who end up cheating?

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"If he had not ducked, the phone would have hit him" - She threw a coffee cup! It was just in the previous sentence!!

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"Tears came to her eyes" - Why do cheating bitches cry? She obviously didn't give a shit about him.

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"It didn't mean anything," - That might have SOME traction if we didn't have all the other shit.

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"I never disrespected you. And there wasn't any abuse!" - Lies, lies!

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"I just wasn't a good wife. I don't know that I'll ever be a good wife. For anyone." - At last, some honesty.

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Thanks, tangledweed, I guess I'll have to raise my score to offset the trolls.

I appreciate Dragonmann pointing out some of the inconsistencies and errors any proofreader would have caught. Also, even the author reading his story out loud would have pinpointed most of those errors.

My rating remains the same.

JPB

I have to agree with dragonmann72, too many amateur mistakes. Like the lawyer meeting with Leroy, but talking to Larry.

It’s tough reading the paragraphs twice just to figure out what or who you’re talking about. Try putting just a little effort into your story telling.

Leave your political bias out of you sorry. It makes you look small.

This was going to be a longer post until I saw Dragonmann72's comment which pointed out all the errors I was going to mention!

/

Disappointed at the anon bashing by JH4Fun and LT56Linebacker, especially the latter who dismisses us all as idiots. I take great exception to being called an idiot by someone so preposterously egotistical that he refers to himself as 'The Bear' and expects us all to be impressed by that rather than just laughing at it.

Not all anons are haters and I for one thoroughly enjoyed this story, notwithstanding the aforementioned mistakes!

I am Confused and disappointed by this story. Maybe it’s just me but I found this-a difficult read. I didn’t take the time to go back but gave it 3 stars for content.

Now that is what I call revenge. I wonder if that level of cold, calculated anger is in all of us. I enjoyed the story with its small errors. Thank you

The dig at fox and acting like manbc is anything but crap was unneeded.

Also Kendall and her parents are caricatures.

Too one dimensional. As a European I am always shocked to learn from the comments or forums how divided America is. How long will this country be at the top of the world if it is already falling apart?

"her intelligence made her a better fit for MSNBC"...That's fucking hilarious 😂 😂😂😂!!!

Does anyone at MSNBC have an IQ bigger than their shoe size????

If a woman strikes a man, the story can be published here. If said man retaliates the story won't be published. Go figure......

I wonder how the women on Fox would feel if they talked with real legal counsel about your published, categorical aspersions?

I hate to go ‘ad hominem’ on anyone or anything…..but, msnbc,,,fucking REALLY?

AUTHOR IS A,TOTAL,F7CKWIT ASSHAT.

I enjoyed this a great deal. I've read your catalog, and I'm going to Favorite you. Thank you for submitting, I look forward to more.

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Be well!

Fuck the idiots who are butt hurt over the Fox News slight. We all know that conservatives are cunts.

Sounds like ScorpioJJ is a little crybaby cunt trumpite.

I enjoyed the story. I'd suggest that you leave the political shots out of your future stories. This just isn't the place for such things. BRB

The story is good. The hysterical mouth queefing from all the Trump humpers in the comments is even better. It's like a tiny peen support group in here. Lol.

Commenters bitching about dissing Fox is asinine...it's a story and you should know better. I gave this 5 stars.

Haha enjoyed the story. I like the way you build details in your stories. There were 2 mistakes on page one where Kendall was hit by the car, when it should have been Lizzie. And my favorite “ Kendall had become enraged. She picked up her coffee cup and hurled it at Dan's head. If he had not ducked, the phone would have hit him dead center of his forehead.” Coffee cup magically turns into a phone. LOL just thought it was funny like it was put there on purpose? For the nitpickers?

Did not really like the political stance, but then again Kendall is an entitled cheating slut liberal, that always got her way so I see what her outlook on Fox News would be. So it fits the story. Not to mention Kendall did not even know what Dan actually did. A mechanic or something? Also like the comment about Peugeot, they really did break down before leaving the dealership.

I appreciate your writing, because of the thought put into them. Thanks for sharing