All Comments on 'Zairie Gets Spanked'

Slow down and think more realistic

I agree with the other comment, this is very very rushed. What you’ve written could easily be expanded into several chapters. So Zairie is clearly sexually submissive but why would she submit so readily to her neighbour? Why hasn’t she told her husband about any of it? Is her submission sexual, cultural or even fear based? More details would help and give it much needed realism. You would probably benefit from an editor/ proof reader.

Thanks for sharing.

The story has potential but it’s ridiculously rushed, it reads more like a checklist of kink than a narrative. It’s so rushed that it’s nonsensical and utterly unrealistic. Presumably she’s in a D/s relationship with her husband?

The synopsis makes the neighbour sound like a Good Samaritan but it’s blatantly obvious that he didn’t feel sorry for her embarrassment, he just wanted to use her himself. It’s a completely unrealistic story why would this woman submit to the neighbour at all? He just comes across as an absolute jerk, is she naturally submissive, or following orders from her husband to allow herself to be used or perhaps she’s completely terrified of this abusive neighbour?

This is a very very short story and there’s just not enough information for the reader to relate to either party or to any of the painfully unrealistic sexual scenes. Try expanding on the thoughts and conversations of those involved. as well as describing the people, places, and vignettes.

Tess (uk)

Tess (uk)