Zeroing in on the Problem

APRIL FOOLS 2022

Hayward Justin: "Once upon a time, once beneath the stars, the universe was ours. Love was all we knew and all I knew was you."

= = = =

Wednesday afternoon is my day to pick up the kids from school. It's like those lines at Disneyland. Just when you think you're getting close to the school they wind you around another building. Inching forward I eventually made it to the front of the line and found Dustin and Sara waiting. Now that they're thirteen and fourteen I'm not allowed to show any affection. 'Ewww gross dad! What if my friends see you doing that?'

Yes, they've reached that age where I'm the chauffeur, ATM, and food bank.

I pick up on Wednesdays because Hannah has her weekly project review. She manages a development team at the interior design company where she's employed. They do high-end office space and mansions. As part of a national organization they make certain that every project is different. Nothing worse than seeing what you paid handsomely for show up in someone else's corporate public relations release.

Needless to say I was surprised to see Hannah's sedan in the driveway. Perhaps she left something behind that she needed? Why else wouldn't she have pulled into the garage?

After parking in my side of the garage the kids piled out and attacked the refrigerator.

"Hey, go easy guys. Leave room for dinner!"

Setting my briefcase down I entered the living room to find Hannah curled up on the couch with a blanket over her. It was a warm day and the house certainly wasn't chilly.

"Hey babe, what's going on?"

"Not feeling good. My stomach is doing flip-flops and I've got the runs."

"Ya think it's Covid?"

"No, I did one of those self-tests and it came back negative. Must be some kind of the flu."

"Okay, so why aren't you in bed?"

"I was, but had an accident. Would you be a sweetie and change the sheets?"

Two steps into the bedroom I knew what kind of accident she'd had. I went out into the garage and got a clamp to put on my nose, and latex gloves. At least all of our beds are equipped with waterproof mattress protectors. Old habit. When the kids were little they'd crawl into bed and sometimes have an accident. Now we're prepared but they only time they'll crawl into our bed is when they're sicker than a dog.

I wasn't about to fix dinner after that ordeal so I ordered pizza and took a shower after emptying a can of room freshener. Hope like hell that I don't get whatever Hannah is fighting.

+ + + +

After a week of looking and feeling for shit, Hannah made an appointment to see our family doctor. That was pretty much a waste of time. Predictable responses. 'Probably the flu', 'give it a little more time', 'see me in a week if it hasn't gone away'.

So, two weeks later Hannah went back to the doctor. She'd lost a few pounds as she doesn't want to eat in fear of blasting it out the other end. Energy drinks are her cuisine. The doctor ran some blood work but nothing was 'far enough outside of the ranges' to warrant any further action.

Over the next few weeks Hannah learned to live with it. She felt shitty (pun intended) and was wearing adult diapers and baggy slacks to hide that fact. It was up to me to pick up the groceries. No, I wasn't using a list. It was easier to pay full fare and have Hannah put in online orders.

While the kids and I wanted to do things on the weekend, Hannah never felt up to it. We did things without her.

Our love life suffered greatly. No big surprise there. Who wants to do the dirty when the chance of the bigger dirty lurks in the shadows? At least I got an occasional handjob. Whoopie-shit!

After two months Hannah saw a specialist. Of course the day before and day of her appointment she felt fine. They ran blood tests until our insurance deductible was met. Kiss that five grand goodbye. Some elevated levels of obscure enzymes were detected in her intestines. Made sense but no reason given for why. Perhaps Crohn's disease but the tests for that came back negative. She was given the oh-so-popular 'keep an eye on it'.

One night I jokingly asked "Do you think I'm making you sick?"

"How can you say that? You've been awesome picking up the slack since this started. I'm so tired of fighting this. I wish they'd find something, anything!"

Hannah's new life was that of a recluse. She worked from home a lot and rarely got out. Her weight dropped another twenty pounds. Every once in a while she'd feel better but it would only last until the weekend. The kids were so busy with their sport schedule that they really didn't notice how infrequently Hannah attended their games.

Time marched on. Hannah wasn't sick enough to miss work but she was slowly losing her 'team'. Management downgraded her position.

Months turned into years. Hannah would feel guilty about us not having sex so she would 'take one for the team' about once a week. It was better than nothing.

After Dustin turned sixteen he was hell on wheels. No longer did I need to worry about getting him and Sara to and from school. Now I had to worry about why they weren't home. At least Hannah was trying to help. She rarely felt one hundred percent but had learned to live with it.

For a while Hannah seemed to be over her intestinal problems, but that lasted only about six months. When it returned it was every bit as bad as it had been before. Hannah cried a lot.

Her life trudged along. Dustin graduated high-school and was off to college. Sara graduated early and was also out the door.

The day after Sara graduated from high school I cornered Hannah "We need to talk."

"Okay. What's up?"

"I filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences."

A stunned look turned to full blown rage.

"HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

"The kids are grown and it's time for me to move on."

"How can you walk out now? I know these last five years have been tough but I never stopped loving you. What have I done to deserve this?"

"Dennis Wilson."

Hannah's eyes got big. Try as she might she couldn't hold back the tears.

"You knew?"

"That's a stupid question. I've just been biding my time until the kids left for college. It was cheaper to keep you while they were living at home. Hope it was worth it."

"But Jon that was years ago. We've already moved past that. I'm sorry. I was wrong and shouldn't have done it."

"Cry me a river. Wrong or not, you did it and felt no remorse. Hell, you even got back in touch with him when you felt better. Fuck off!"

Once I moved out, Hannah perked up instantly. She was no longer suffering from her intestinal problems. I really was making her sick.

We sold the house and split the profit. With the kids older I thought I'd escape counseling but that wasn't the case. The outcome remained unchanged. I'd rather take my chances than stick with a known cheater.

+ + + +

Epilogue:

When I found out about Hannah having an affair with Dennis Wilson I was devastated. I'd stumbled upon Hannah's 'secret' email account. So I set it up on my phone so I could follow her activities. You spend your life dedicated to your partner and find out that you're not enough for her.

Hell bent on scorching the earth took a back seat as my attorney laid out how bleak of a future my lot in life would be. Penniless with Hannah able to move her lover into the house. The same house we'd bought together but the one I'd spent all my free time restoring. 'Cheaper to keep her'. 'Wait for the kids to leave home'. The attorney drilled into me that Hannah could file for divorce at any time and my lot in life would be that shitty.

The downside was enough for me to consider fleeing the country. So I did what I could to remain her husband. I stayed, with my kids becoming my life, counting down the days.

It was while searching the internet that I found an April Fool's joke. Mixing two over-the-counter liquid veterinary products would cause intestinal distress. So I bought, and kept in the garage, big bottles of each and got a pack of syringes from China. Using said syringes I injected the mixture into Hannah's coffee K-cups. She loves that Blueberry-Hazelnut blend. The kids didn't drink coffee and I hated that blend.

The first few days Hannah didn't complain at all so I really upped the mixture. That's why that first Wednesday was so tough on her. I obviously went overboard. Granted I used a bit too much early on but eventually found a happy medium. It was just enough to keep her feeling shitty but not so bad to send her back to the doctor. It was funny how her friends, having shared a cup of the tainted coffee, would then 'catch the flu'. Friendly fire.

Following Hannah's cheating emails I found her turning Dennis down repeatedly. No, not because she didn't want him, she just didn't feel up to it. He eventually gave up. After a few years I felt that Hannah's affair was dead and buried. That's when I cut back on the cure. Not completely though as I was still in revenge mode. But then Hannah reached out to him again. I increased the dosage and Hannah relapsed. A week later she was back to the specialist. The day before and day of her appointments I'd make sure that Hannah used untainted K-cups.

Although she claimed to be devastated and unprepared for my divorce filing, I was unmoved by her tears. Only after I gave her the five year old investigator's report did she understand how serious I was.

Dennis's wife received a copy and she named Hannah in her divorce petition. I made sure Hannah's friends and family all got copies which caused my phone to quit ringing. No longer was I the uncaring heartless bastard for leaving a persistently ill Hannah in her time of need. If they only knew.

Dennis got reamed in his divorce. Now he's eating ramen noodles and drinking water while his ex-wife entertains his replacement with his money. I find that to be sufficient revenge.

As much as I'd like Hannah to know how I did it, I fear that I might have crossed some legal lines. So I smirk, a lot.

Will I marry again? Probably not. Maybe. Who knows? I can't even enjoy a date without fearing the heartbreaking pain Hannah inflicted upon me. 'Time heals' is my last hope.