tagReviews & EssaysZombie Strippers

Zombie Strippers

bySean Renaud©

Initial Impressions: I should start by warning you that my opinion on this subject is rather biased. I enjoy cheap B movies that are only worthy to be shown on the Sci-Fi (I refuse to call it SyFy) channel. I love Godzilla flicks and cheap monster mashes and really who doesn't love zombies. I'm posting on Literotica which should be a good indication of my feelings about naked women. So I might be a little kinder than this film actually deserves.

Since the cast is actually an important factor I'm going to take a moment out to point out the top two players in this film. The first is the main man of horror himself, debatably the most recognized face in all of horror. With eight films as the man who kills teens in their dreams we've got Robert Englund undoubtedly better known as Freddy Krueger. While he might be a household name in the horror industry we've got another household name here. Jenna Jameson. For me she is the x-factor. I'm not asking her for an Oscar worthy appearance, I'm asking her to not screw up a zombie flick and this is from a guy who thinks one of the worst parts of the American Godzilla movie was that their lips matched the words coming out. So can she hold it together?

Movie Review: Zombie Strippers doesn't waste any time laying on that thick level of schlock that makes these movies work. George Bush is in the middle of his fourth term in office and zombies weren't some kind of mistake when looking for a cure for cancer. Someone was trying to create super soldiers that would get up after being shot. That's right the zombies here were on purpose. Sadly they escape containment and our crack team of special forces goes in and cleans house. Considering the movie is entertaining this was a bit of a high point. It turns out that slow moving zombies don't last very long against well trained military. Even if the well trained military forgot to issue body armor to its attractive females, instead keeping up the sci-fi tradition of women don't need armor, they need cleavage. Only one of the men is injured in the attack and he manages to escape into of all things a local strip club. (Did I mention that George Bush outlawed strip clubs and now they are underground the like the speakeasies of the twenties?)

Jenna Jameson is the first of the strippers to become infected and becomes our first zombie stripper. Calling her a zombie is a bit of a misnomer though, because this virus was based off of the X chromosome it works better on women, basically they keep their full intelligence, they still eat flesh to live but unlike guys they don't turn into zombies. (Though to be fair with that much T&A prancing around it's hard to tell if the guys are zombies because they have been infected or simply because they are men.)

It doesn't take long for Jenna to start converting other strippers into zombies and the bodies just start piling up. The owner (played by Robert Englund) isn't really that concerned with the body count, he's just happy that he's making more money than he can count. It should be obvious to anybody what the eventual result is when he starts locking the male zombies up in cages and closets throughout the club instead of finding other ways to get rid of the bodies.

Just as we've been lead to believe by years of television women just can't stand to see each other succeed. This eventually leads one of Jenna's rival strippers to intentionally get herself infected with the virus so she can have a brawl with Jenna Jameson. Trust me when I tell you that you've never seen a fight quite like this before. While they might have been working on a budget and couldn't quite get the guys from the Matrix to come down and help there is something special about projectile billiard balls fired from a woman's pussy that just sticks with you.

The movie ends with the special forces finally catching up with the infection and once again cleaning house and basically making it look easy.

Final Thoughts: Zombie Strippers actually exceeded my expectations. It had a fun cast with decent dialogue. The special effects (especially the make up) were outstanding for a budget straight to DVD film and it never made the mistake of taking itself even remotely seriously. If you have no qualms about a shameless blood, guts and tits film you should like this. Just don't go expecting Dawn of the Dead, expect Shaun of the Dead, without the great cast but with tits to make up for it. Let's be honest. Tits make everything better.

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bySean Renaud© 4 comments/ 15024 views/ 0 favorites

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