MrHackerMan

"Mr. Hackerman is in. He's penetrated our network." I smirk as I hear those words in my headphones. They're right. Earlier this morning I hacked the CIA. Seems they just found out.

Oh shit. I just realized I forgot to hack the NSA.

I head back to my apartment and look around frantically. I spot a girl. She'll do.

"Hey!" I shout. She turns towards me. "Come to my place." She consents enthusiastically. The ladies love MrHackerMan. Obviously we take the stairs. You can't trust modern elevators; too easily hacked.

She assumes the doggy-style position on my bed and I get behind her. I pull my keyboard out from behind the bed and place it on her back. That's right. I'm using her as furniture. Turns out condoms cost less than a desk. Speaking of which, I strap one on over my enormous dick. It's tight but I'll manage.

I insert my dick into her. "Mr. Hackerman is in," I proclaim.

I pull my sunglasses out from my shirt pocket and place them over my regular glasses. I look damn cool. I begin to hack the NSA while pounding this girl. She orgasms repeatedly. After an hour of love-making, I orgasm at the same moment as I successfully hack the NSA.

I pull out, the bloated condom hanging off my giant cock.

When the girl regains the ability to speak, the first thing she says is, "Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?"

Bitch thinks I use Wi-Fi. No way I'm letting signals escape my network through the air. I hand her a shielded Cat 6 Ethernet cable connected to an Ethernet-to-USB-C adapter which she plugs into her phone.

I lie back in bed, satisfied. I hear her tapping furiously on her phone. Suddenly she reaches out and snatches the sunglasses off of my head. She puts them onto her own face.

"Miss Hackerman is in"

Oh fuck.