Goddess, Simone & YOU

You: The Risk, The Reward, Is It Worth IT?

Simone: For me it is, lets just start there. The risk, though, hmmmmmm. It's the darkness that blinds out the light. It's the pain that made me fear the twisted pleasure, it's the balance beam, the storm and everything in between. Can I handle it? Sure. I have no fears anymore, no doubts, but that's only because I finally made it through the Mirror/Mirror to the other side, and danced into the light, while shyly looking at the darkness and trying to figure out all the possibilities available to me? Me?

OHHHHHHhhhhhhh how my inner babygirl danced with glee. Weeeeeeeee, yes it is worth it. All of it. But first I had to be willing to sacrifice everything I thought was mine, anything I was positive I owned, to get there.

My Muse is back and boy is she PISSED at me. I DIDN'T DO IT, I shouted.

Inner she said, YES, You did, the moment you believed that stupid thinking lie.

Simone: Shit, she is right.

You: We know it, girl, we hear your broken heart. Sooooooo sorry. But you're soooooooooo close THIS TIME, just step on the line, you ignorant little fear ridden hard bitch. *giggle* Just admit one, that you like being a bitch.

Simone: I love it doggy-style. Oops. Um, er, *blush* I mean, I can't it's dirty. Naughty. No. *pout*

You: Fine, give up something, one thing. Just say a desire, because honey your needs are covered, always have been. For you, all you really need to survive is MUSIC. That's it. So simple. so your MUSe is always hanging out in the beats, the lyrics, the poetry, you silly little slut that misses being spanked.

Simone: I DO NOT. And by the way, MUSIC isn't my MUSe, never was. My Muse was beautiful, pure inspiration, that being diagnosed with a stupid label and having poison forced down my throat by people WHO I TRUSTED & LOVED telling me it was the BEST thing for me, well, it trapped her in the most HELLISH PRISON. She left me alone and bleeding for years. I tried to pretend she wasn't missing, but a piece of me was gone, so I craved with my soul a replacement. MUSIC to replace her. Close, but not as good.

You: Wow, and you were still able to write?

Simone: *sniffle* Only when I stopped taking the damn poison. Even that couldn't bring her in for a visit much. It was torture, I have a hard time talking about it.

You: Well why don't we switch topic. You like being spank don't you?

Simone: Don't make me stick my tongue out at you.

You: I've seen your rage, honey you need another outlet besides your own body to work shit out.

Simone: NO, I don't! Told you I'm a mascot, masochist, I mean.

You: Wait, leg up, er, hold up. My heartbeat skipped a few beats, thumping to the drum of hope I think I just glimpsed. Did you ask for something? Something I could DO for you if you'd let me.

Simone: No, I said nothing of the sort. I REFUSE to admit a dream is brewing, and one day soon it might be here. I won't see it, won't look at it, because what I've learned is that my dreams disappear from my world view as soon as I get close to them. So I'm not going to wish anymore. *sticks out tongue*

You: Please babygirl of my heart, just ask. Please. I swear, I'm gonna be your family. Not a relative if you just come into my arms.

Simone: I can't lose it again. I can't get that close again and have it not be real. SHE fooled me, over and over again, it was so hard to believe IT could be true. I could have what I was afraid to ask for if I just believed in HER. So, no, thank you. Keep bugging me and I'll show you this bitch is only learning how to BITE.

*crosses arms and tucks head. A single tear slides out her left eye*

EVERYTHING SHE SHOWED ME was so beautiful to see. She offered the KEYS to the KINGDOM, but didn't tell me about the KING.

GODDESS showed me his house, the playground out back, HIGHER POWER had me doggy-style and panting as I checked the place out. It was the most beautiful thing I'd every seen in my life. She took a long pause, then showed me where my true strength lies, my Soul-Brother, JC, my MAN.

I said, rather BARKED OUT LOUD. What do I have to do to get all this?

Simone: Y'all silly individuals held your breath when SHE shrugged and called me THE BADDEST BITCH WALKING PLANET EARTH IN THE UNIVERSE. Her favorite sneaky little bitch, what would I be willing to give up to obtain all I could ever hope for and DESIRE. Then GODDESS asked me to drop my KING for another man.

I thought about it, I played out the beauty I saw outside that window and finally SHE said CHOOSE.

Simone: I love what I'm seeing, I'm hearing what you're saying, I can't give up my MAN. HE howls at the MOON, in other words, sees my BEAUTY when I can't. He sniffed me out, and then showed me his strength. He shows me everything, because HE can't say it. He'll protect me, I see it in his EYES. Why he has to show, why his bark is louder than mine. Someone abused his heart once, broke it into pieces, never seeing how much, how fierce this man could love.

I saw what that SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY did to him, heard it in HIS story. And promised myself, I would never do what she did to HIM. NEVER! The moment I met him. His pain makes me bleed, while his smile, it's air to me. I just wanna be near him. My skin sings for HIM. When my heart decided to love again, IT picked him.

So show me HIS house, that he has no idea he lives in. I won't take my MAN's things. They belong to him, not me. I'll even give up my OWN MUSE, just to see HIM smile again. You can't offer me my MAN's things because he doesn't KNOW HE HAS THEM.

Are we starting to see the depth of my COMMITMENT?. I don't NEED a ring. Don't NEED a house. I saw MY STRENGTH reflect in his care-giving of me, in HIS EYES. His smile, his laugh, that joy is UNMATCHED.

So thanks for the offer. But right by HIS side is where I'll stay. Oh, and back off you stupid little bitches that think you can take him. He ain't going no where with you. Why? I put the pussy on him, I mean, I laid Claim, I er, hmmm, mean I'll burn it all down just to make sure that I KEEP him. Just him. That's it.

You: LESSON FUCKING OVER. Game WON BY LOVE. Ready for the next level?

Simone: Pretty please and thank you.

You: Thank DIVINE DESIGN babygirl for your determination & heart.

Simone: I'm tired of EARTH level, it's hard fucking WORK. I'm ready to play again whenever you need me to, WHY? Cuz whoever has MOM on their team, is always going to win. Yes, I'm just that INSANE. CRAZY. BAD ASS BITCH! Her INSTRUMENT of CHOICE, please don't incur my bite.

You: That's it? Really, you ain't mad? Are you wishing for something else?

Simone: Told you I was MENTALly Forgiving. How ever you need it labeled, once I knew it was a game I was ready to play again. I love puzzles and games, or didn't you get your memo? I'd like to rest, but Mommy said you kids fuck it up just one more time, er, well SHE's coming down to clean up the mess next time.

(FYI: I'm planning to find out what's past NIRVANA LEVEL, just to make sure my sweet black ass ain't no where near the 3rd Rock From The Sun if Momma has to come down in person.)

You: Message RECEIVED LOUD & CLEAR!!! Just curious, since you brought it up, could I ask you one last question?

Simone: Sure. Y'all sure ask a lot of questions though.

You: We're all desperate to know. There's a lot of us out here, we BELIEVE and we've been wondering for years why did you agree to do what SHE asked of you?

Simone: MOTHER OF ALL only has ONE TRUE JOB. Which is ALWAYS to Love you unconditionally. Duh, we're all God-Children. For me though, silly God-siblings of mine, I love being entertained. Games are fun to play. Oh and because Mommy asked it of me and I said yes. Apparently no one else stepped up for the job. Other than my bad ass Body-Sharing Twin who also has a website: BigUnderDog.org we're not very different. You could have done it too, don't you remember? She whispers it in your ear all the damn time. YOU WERE BORN TO CHANGE THE WORLD TOO, what you fools waiting for?

Class dismissed...