A Gray Area Ch. 06

"You're drunk," Caden said again for the second time .She looked at Jon with something close to disgust and disbelief. He sat on the bed in front of her, his eyes unfocused and his breath reeking of alcohol. He shook his head, denying her statement that she had said, in actuality, a minute before.

"I'm not," he said, his words slurred. "I had like one shot and a beer. That's it."

"Is that it or is that all you remember?" When he opened his mouth to speak she cut him off quickly with an "exactly."

She curled back under the covers and delivered a swift kick to Jon's arm, signifying that he should move so she could stretch her legs. "I don't even know why I let you come up here," C.K. reasoned to herself. "I don't know what you're doing," she glanced at the red numbers on her alarm clock. "It's only eleven at night. Aren't the parties just starting?" She felt the weight on the bed were Jon had been shift to the back of her, and his warmth seeped through the blanket to spread through her body. "You are my party, kitten." Caden felt Jon's hand slide under the blanket to her stomach then down, Dow—

"Stop," she said firmly. She didn't turn to face him. He didn't have to see her face to know she was serious. "Not tonight, Jon. Not tonight, and not tomorrow night and not ever again. This has to stop,"

"Why?" he brought his head up from the pillow behind her.

"Because I'm sick of this." She sat up and turned to him. Her gray eyes glowed silver in the moonlight. Her short hair was askew in every direction but he couldn't help but think of how cute it was. She pushed him away from her.

"Yesterday I went up to you while you were with your 'people' and tried to have a conversation with you, and you pushed me aside like I was a bee or something. And what now? Now you want to come in my room hoping to get some? Who the hell do you think I am?"

Jon shushed her. She was being loud and would wake her mom if she kept with her tone. Waking Candice Kristoff Winter would be a disaster. The woman was out of her mind with grief from the death of her husband. To her, Jon was an angel sent by God. He was the perfect gentleman in every aspect of the word. To find him upstairs with her daughter would only make his God-sent persona come crumbling down.

"I didn't push you aside like a bee. I was busy, kitten. You know that," he nuzzled his face into her hip. "I would never ignore you." Caden pushed his head off of her. She let out a small sound of disgust before sliding out of bed and opening her balcony doors. "I'm sick of only getting your attention whenever your dick is hard or your equilibrium is off." She shrugged and looked down at the ground, doing her best to hide the tears that were pushing hard against the back of her eyes.

He wasn't going to do this to her.

Not tonight.

She wouldn't let him see what he did to her.

"My dad died, Jon. He died and the first person I went to was you because I knew I could trust you, but look at you. I told you how I felt." She had to let it go. It was choking her and she looked up at him, the tears and sobs now flowing freely, like a river from an evil, emotional, childish place inside her. "I told you how I felt. How much I cared for you. How much I sympathized for you and your family and I wasn't lying when I said I loved you." Caden wiped a tear from her face then ran a hand through her hair. "But you still don't care. And that's why I'm ending this. Sorry to rain on your 'lets-play-with-Caden's-feelings' parade but it has to stop. In front of your friends, I'm nothing to you. I'm a random girl that you're looking to get lucky with. But behind closed doors and in dark rooms, I'm everything you ever wanted in a girl. Tell me how does that work?"

Jon had long since sat up in the bed. He didn't seem drunk anymore and for a little while Caden wondered if he ever was. His hazel eyes looked intent and focused as he stared at her. He looked at her with something close admiration. Something that reminded her of an emotion never returned to her from him.

Love. He looked at her with love. But instead of opening his mouth to say something he simply rose from the bed and walked to the balcony. "You can take the stairs down. You're drunk and I don't want a dead body below my window." Jon looked at her momentarily then grabbed the railing in front of him and launched himself off. She waited until she heard the soft thud before closing her doors and breaking out into tears. Her body slid down the glass as her shoulders racked up and down with silent tears from bottled in emotions. That had been the hardest thing she knew she would ever do.

'Fuck childbirth,' she thought to herself. 'This is way more painful.'

__~*~__

Her phone was ringing.

It had been ringing for a good hour and it seemed that all through her dream she had heard it ring.

Caden flung a lazy hand on to the dresser, knocking off a few items before gripping the phone and flipping it open. "This better be worth it," she murmured into the receiver. She could feel the remnants of a good night sleep on her cheek every time her mouth moved. "Is that really how you answer a phone, Caden?" C.K.'s mothers reprimanding voice made the young girl sit up at attention in the bed.

"Mom,"

"The one and only,"

Caden cleared the sleep from her voice before speaking again. "Hey, what time is it?" She wiped the saliva from her cheek. Silently she hoped Jason had seen it. Normally she was a beautiful sleeper but last night had been hell and Jason had come home with a stick up his ass. She hoped he had bent to give her a kiss and accidentally kissed morning breath infested saliva.

"It's going to be twelve in a minute, baby. Why aren't you up?" Caden sighed. She wasn't sure if she had an answer to that question.

Or at least an answer that would satisfy her mom.

"Rough night, Ma. What did you need?" She yawned drowning out half of the things her mom said after. "Did you hear me, Caden?"

"No, sorry. I yawned." Her mother scoffed and C.K. imagined the older women rolling her eyes at her daughters' nonchalant attitude. "I said your sister got arrested again. Since your back, I figured you could be the one to talk some sense into her."

Caden smiled. Deity had been arrested again. She wasn't in least bit surprised. Cadens younger half sister was the product of Caden's mother's last marriage, which ended after seventeen years with the death of Cadens step father. Caden had never known her real father so grew up calling her step dad her real dad.

Although sisters, Caden and Deity were nothing alike. Unlike Caden, Deity skin was a lighter color, like overly milked coffee and unlike Caden's gray eyes her half sisters eyes were a deep dark brown. While Caden was the more mature and quieter sister, Deity was the mean and demanding one. But despite their differences they seemed to always get along fine.

"And what am I supposed to say to her?" Caden lay back on the bed with a heavy thump. She curled back under the covers, bringing the white comforter over her head to block out the suns rays. "Tell her that she is ruining her life. She is such a smart girl, Caden, you know that. Tell her that."

"Ma, you think she doesn't know that already? She knows she is smart and that's why she does what she does. To push her limits. See how smart she really is."

"Caden, please. Just come and talk to her. She is lonely. She is under house arrest till next month so you can visit her everyday." Caden could already tell she was getting sucked into something she didn't want to be sucked into. She loved her sister but she wasn't going to waste her time going to the house making pointless self seeking conversation with someone that wasn't going to listen. "What about the boy she was seeing. Ray? Or Gay-" she laughed at herself. "-What was his name?"

Her mother sighed. Caden hoped that the woman was getting the hint that she really didn't want to go over there. "Yes, Ray, and they broke up. He found another hot stuff to beat up on." It was not hard to hear the remorse pouring from her tone. Deity had dated Ray for a year and it had never crossed her once that the bruises Deity was constantly getting were from fights with her boyfriend, not fights at school. For weeks Candice had been torn up, feeling as though she didn't give her youngest daughter enough attention. The fact that this was Deity's second time getting arrested didn't make her feel any better.

That got her. Caden gave in with a sigh. "Alright, Ma. Gimme an hour to get myself together and get some breakfast and then I'll be over there, okay?" Candice almost squealed with delight. "If you want, baby, I'll cook and you can come and eat here." The thought of her mom cooking made Caden cringe and almost retch. The woman couldn't cook to save a life. Before Caden's step dad died, the family had a maid and she did most of the work but that changed once the funds stopped coming in.

"It's alright, Ma. I'll stop by the café by a croissant and some hot cocoa and be right over."

"Alright, Dear. Thank You."

"Sure. Bye."

She hung up, not waiting for a reply. "How do I get sucked into these things?" She yelled, to the empty condo.

'Because you're gullible,' her mind answered. She threw back the comforter and slid out of bed stripping at the same time. Her head felt light and she could tell that later in the day she would have a headache.

A bad one.

Last night had been hell. She had gotten a ride from Collin, who she found out had everything to do with her run in with Jon that night. Once she got home, Jason didn't get home till three. Caden had been up but not in the slightest mood to argue. He had been drunk. Beyond drunk. Wasted. And he had fallen right into bed.

He wasn't worth the argument.

Stepping out the shower and finger combing her hair, She threw on a pair of tight ripped jeans and a tank top. She found her green flip-slops and slipped those on too. She didn't want it to look like she made distinct effort to get dressed just to go home. As she said, she stopped at the café and picked up breakfast then took a cab back across town to the Winter Mansion (which her and Deity had proudly named when they were kids.)

The house had always been big. Now that Caden was older and wiser it didn't seem as magical as it had before but it was still excessively large. Bigger than what most people needed for a home. The outside gate was rusted and dark with age. The mansion it self was ridiculous with twelve rooms not including the dining room, television room, and game room.

'We really never needed this much space,' Caden thought to herself. The front door had been open she gladly let herself in. her mom was already standing in the foyer waiting, a large smile plastered to her beautifully aged face. "Caden," she walked to her and delivered a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Thank you so much." The short haired girl nodded slowly, faking a smile. She listened to the older women speak for a little while before excusing herself to find her sister.

It wasn't that she hated her mom.

She could never.

It was that her mom had changed.

She was no longer the wise, beautiful forty year old she had once been. Now she was cold and distant. The pain of loneliness radiated off of her in waves and Caden couldn't stand to be around her for long periods of time. The woman was depressed. To a degree, it hurt Caden that her returning to California hadn't been an anti depressant for her mother.

Their talk was brief. Weather. Work. Jason. Photographs and computers. A one to two sentence chit chat about the more unimportant things in life.

So C.K. found herself upstairs. Heading towards a door that had a huge abstract painting attached to it. She smiled. Art ran through her family's blood. Even Deity. Caden couldn't help but wonder if her sister's art was a lot deeper than paintbrush strokes on a canvas. Something that everyone, even she, was missing.

She knocked once then opened, not waiting for an answer. Her sister sat on her elongated windowsill pillows piled around her. The mid day light streamed around her making the young girl look almost heavenly. Caden couldn't help but feel jealous. Deity was beautiful in every aspect of the word.

"Hey," Deity said, not looking away from whatever it was that held her attraction outside.

"Hey kid," she replied. "How ya holding up?" Carefully the short haired girl made her way to the pillow mess. She took a seat next to her sister then looked outside. "I'm surviving," Deity finally looked at her, a huge smile on her face. She seemed as if she didn't have a car in the world.

Once again Caden was jealous.

"This sucks though. As big as this house is, I sure as hell don't want to spend another month in it."

Caden laughed. "What did you do?" She asked the question slowly, afraid to offend the younger girl.

"Fucking nothing." She answered quickly. "Fucking O'Cyrus arrested me for no reason. He always fucking does that shit."

"Watch your mouth."

"Sorry, but seriously. He always catches me. Always! Never anyone else. It's always him. And he never gives me a break. I could be doing nothing but dancing with a guy at a party and he will come out of nowhere and pull me off the dance floor and ask me what I'm doing at an eighteen and older party. What kind of shi—stuff is that?"

"O'Cyrus arrested you? Again?" Caden held back a smile that threatened to come through. "O'Cyrus; Jon's cousin, right?"

"Yeah," Deity folded her arms and leaned against the wall behind her. She folded her legs under her, giving Caden enough room to fold her legs Indian style. "I don't know what his deal is, but he loves getting me in trouble."

"I don't think he likes getting you in trouble. I think he's looking out for you. He always, always bails you out of juvi, am I right?"

"No, you're not right. He is a dick from another dimension."

"I think he's cute. He's a cute dick" Caden laughed at herself while her sister gave her an annoyed look.

'He is not cute,"

"Oh, stop. Look past the hard police exterior. He is built but not like WWE built and he even has a couple of those little gray hairs coming in. He definitely got all the looks in the family."

"He's getting old,"

Caden scoffed. "He is not. Stop it. He is only like twenty-seven. The gray hairs are from stress."

Deity shrugged. "Whatever." Caden looked at her firmly but didn't push the matter any more. She knew Shane O'Cyrus was only looking out for Deity. He cared about her more than she knew, probably more than she would ever know. She had talked to him about Deity on more than one occasion. Especially when she had been dating Ray. Shane had tried to intervene on that relationship but failed. 'He treats her like trash and she lets him,' he had said. 'She can do better. She's beautiful there's no reason why she's with an asshole like that.' Caden had simply replied, 'Yeah, she is beautiful but girl's like her, girls that know they've got what men want, don't normally get the guys that are gonna give them what they need. Not a lot of guys are willing to work that hard.'

'I am,' he had said.

The memory sent chills down Caden's spine and she smiled. He had been so serious about her, and although Shane did what was best for her, Deity was still getting the wrong message.

"What's up with you and Columbian Ken doll?" Deity asked. She let her head lull back against the wall and she briefly closed her eyes.

Caden smiled. "Columbian Ken doll, that's a new one."

"Everyone else calls him Captain America. Despite the fact that he is Columbian. I just wanted to be original." Deity shrugged.

"Columbian Ken—Jason...is Jason."

"So he's a dick?"

"What is up with you and that word? And no, he isn't a dick. He's just....difficult."

"Hmm, no. I really think that dick fits him perfectly. I'm difficult."

"What makes him such a dick?"

Deity seemed to almost jump at this opportunity. She rearranged her position so she was sitting extra close to her sister. "Well, let's start out when he came over to meet Ma. Every twenty seconds I heard 'Cay baby, don't do that,' or 'Cay baby, don't say that.'" Caden laughed at her sister's impression of her boyfriend. "Oh, and it doesn't even end there. At Dinner! He kept telling you 'Caden don't fold your napkin like that,' and 'Cay baby use a fork.' What the fuck?" Deity was yelling and laughing now and Caden shushed her.

"Just admit it! They guy is just about the biggest jerk in the world. He is like a dictator to you."

"No he isn't. He really is sweet. I swear."

"I heard you let him pick up Malibu Barbie and take her with you guys to Beatrice's place."

Solemnly Caden nodded. When she looked back on it, she felt like an idiot. She had let her boyfriend pick up another girl, a prettier girl none the less, and take her to a party with them.

"Have you seen Jon since you been back?"

Caden felt a tinge of annoyance at the flutter in her stomach at hearing that name. She didn't want to answer but knew she had to. "Yeah, actually had two run-in disasters with him yesterday."

Deity lifted her head from the back wall, looking shocked. "Two? How did those turn out?"

"Both ended in a headache. I don't want to be his friend, D. I don't wanna talk to him. I don't want see him." She was tempted to say that she didn't mind being his secret lover though.

"I just don't get why you hate him so much." Deity said, with a shrug. "If you heard the things he says about you. You would feel differently."

"Doubt it."

"People change, C.K. Jon is defiantly one of those changed people. If I were you I would give him a shot. Dump dick head Jason, who is a dick head by the way, and go with someone you know isn't just in it for the sex."

"Don't say that," Caden groaned. "Jason is not in this relationship for the sex. He loves me and I love him." As the words came out, She wasn't quite sure if she knew what she was doing or if she meant any of it. But she tucked those thoughts away. They would be analyzed later.

Deity had said something but Caden had zoned out, coming back too late. "Look," Caden stood. "I'm gonna head out. I've been here for to long. The memories are starting to get to me. I'll probably come by tomorrow, alright?"

Deity nodded, she gave a quick hug then turned her attention back outside.

"Tell O'Cyrus I said hi," Caden said quickly before closing the door. She heard her sister curse from inside the room.

"Bye, Ma," Caden yelled as she walked through the front door. She didn't want to go looking for Candice, knowing that if she was found, Caden wouldn't leave for a long time.

She yawned while walking down the street. She didn't bother calling a cab. It wasn't a long walk and she needed the exercise.

And the time to think.

She had said she loved him.

When was the last time he said that to her?

It had been a while. Of course he was nice to her. Always...Sometimes. But he rarely ever said those three small words to her. Things had changed so much from New York to California.

For the second time since being back, Caden was regretting her move.

__~*~__

She had been thinking when he came in. He had seen the half dazed look she gave the stove- and had been giving the stove for the last twenty minutes, so he walked right passed her without so much as a kiss or a 'hey baby.' She didn't know what she was thinking of, ironically. Thoughts were going passed her like a person disobeying the speed limit in her mind.

Jason. Jon. Deity. Candice. Dinner. Life. All of them were connected in some ridiculous and pathetic way but only one thought weighed the heaviest on her.

Jon. Go figure.

She had dreamt about him the night before. Not really a dream, though, more a memory. A time back when she was completely enamored by him. When she couldn't keep her eyes off him and when she didn't care that she made a fool of herself in front of him. She had been to damn naïve to see that he didn't care about her.