Buffy: Unexpected Ch. 4byFictionFem©
Here is part IV of Buffy: Unexpected. More dialogue then steam, and less steam than dysfunctional sex, I don't expect this to be the most popular of the chapters J However, I have a story to tell, such as it is, so I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you, again, to everyone that responded to the first 3 parts. Positive or negative, its nice to know you guys are taking the time to read my "work." Once again, you can e-mail me. Thank you all, and enjoy part 4 of "Unexpected"
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Plan C was not working. It had started out well, as she had quickly decided on a title and the main character. The other characters and plot just seemed to magically flow into her head and she had even made it halfway through the first chapter. It was at that point she realized her mistake. In her attempt to write the next Great American Novel, she had been unabashedly plagiarizing a Daniel Steele story she had read her first year in high school!
Damn! She knew it was too good to be true. However, if writing was not her forte, what was? Buffy had decided she needed a hobby to help her forget about you-know-who. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be working. Buffy was quickly running out of possibilities of things to do on her list that she had excitedly created yesterday morning when she had pledged to herself to stop thinking sexual thoughts about her 18-year old sister. As bad as the idea of becoming a writer had been, Buffy could only laugh at what was left untried. For one thing, Buffy wasn't even sure they even HAD rodeos anywhere near Sunnydale. Nor was she certain what it meant to become a Jehovah's Witness and why that idea had made sense only 24-hours earlier!
Damn, damn, damn! What was she going to do? It's not like she can just pretend like nothing is wrong. The desire for Dawn is getting stronger everyday. Buffy was starting to become afraid of what she might do. These were not feelings that Buffy was used to. It's not like Buffy's will power was legendary anyways. She had not been able to stay away from Angel after his mystical return from the dead, and Spike…. Well, Spike was Spike and Buffy thought of her involvement (or lack thereof) with him as the one positive side affect of her desire for Dawn.
Buffy was on the verge of tears she was so frustrated. Maybe she could talk to Willow. Sure, she could never tell the reformed witch exactly what was wrong, but perhaps skating around the truth might produce some good advice. It certainly could not hurt!
Buffy can home early from work, requesting the rest of night off after she faked an illness. She was too eager to see what Willow would tell her to finish working. Buffy was also more than a little nervous that she would accidentally say too much and Willow would learn her dark secret.
And that is how Buffy saw her infatuation for Dawn, a dark secret. It was a constant source of shame for Buffy and she worried about the inevitable rejection that would probably follow from her friends if they should ever learn how perverted their comrade was. All Buffy wanted was for these feelings to go away, allowing her to return to a normal life. OK, maybe normal is more of a stretch than proclaiming Drucilla mentally stable, but Buffy wanted things back the way they were nonetheless. Maybe she could get Willow to do a spell or something.
"Hey Will." Buffy said as she entered the house. She was happy to see that Willow was indeed home and sitting alone on the couch."
"Hey Buffy. You're home early."
"Yeah, well, I have a few things I need to do."
"I kinda need to talk to you about something actually. Something important."
"Oh?" Willow asked, a little concerned about where the conversation was heading. When Buffy started conversations like this, they generally did not end well.
"Is Dawn around?"
"Yes, she's in her room. Doing home work."
"No really, where's Dawn?"
Willow laughed. "I'm serious!"
"Can we go to your room and talk?"
"Sure." Willow stammered a little. Now she was sure she wasn't going to like this conversation.
The two went up to Willow's room. On the way there she glanced at Dawn's closed door, and felt the normal urge to go in and…
"You coming in?" Willow asked as Buffy had paused in her doorframe.
"Yep." Buffy said, coming back to reality.
"Buffy, I think I know what this is about."
"You do?" Buffy said, quite certain that Willow couldn't possibly know what this was about!
"Well, when someone obsesses about a girl all day it's rather difficult for the people she lives with not to notice!"
Buffy was speechless. She couldn't believe that her secret was out, just like that. Sweat was starting to form on her forehead. She tried to think back to some of the lessons Giles had given her about focusing in a crisis situation. But that was for fighting a room for of vampire. You know, the easy stuff! She couldn't recall any Yoga lessens for coming out of this particular closet.
"You aren't angry with me?" Buffy finally said.
"Angry with you? How could I be angry with you?"
"It's just that, I've done my best to ignore it."
"I wish you had just talked to me about it. You know you can talk to me about anything. In truth, it's a hard torch to carry alone. Know what I mean?"
"Oh yeah! But I was really scared of what you would say."
"I can understand that. But I'm dealing with it."
"Well, that's the only way I can ever move forward is to face it head on, right?"
"Don't you think you're taking this a little too personally?"
"How can I not? You fall for someone and you mess it up and all you want to do is get that someone back cause you know it's all your fault."
"Get Tara back?" Buffy stammered, starting to really get confused now.
"It's like all you can think about is this one person. And she's so close you can reach out and touch her. But you know that you shouldn't, because it's not what you think she wants. Or worse, not what she needs right now. But you can't help it because you know deep down that if you just touched her, just took her in your arms, the world would be a perfect place. Cause you would have what you've always wanted, and you know you could make her happy. Know what I mean?"
"Well, I mean, substitute a guy in for the girl of course for you. Is this what it was like with Angel?"
"Tall, gorgeous guy. Had a thing for you when he wasn't trying to kill your friends. Remember?"
"Um… yeah." Buffy usually could keep up with Willow's rapid-fire conversation style, but she was definitely being thrown for a loop here.
"I figured as much. So I know what to do to stop obsessing over her."
"You do?" Buffy said, definitely eager to hear what Willow's solution could possibly be.
"I need to find someone new, of course!"
"Oh, so just fall in love with someone else, no problem."
"Well, actually, I was talking more about someone knew to be, you know, intimate with."
"Well, think about it. It's been months since I've had S-E-X! Don't you think that has something to do with it? How would you feel if ever time you thought of the person you wanted to be with all you could see was a widescreen, digital movie of your last time in bed together in Dolby Digital Surround Sound. The memories are so vivid and they are so recent!"
Buffy couldn't help but think of her last time "with" Dawn. How she had captured the girl's scream in her mouth as her hand had brought her sister to orgasm.
Willow noticed Buffy deep in thought and mistakenly figured that she had hurt her friend's feelings. "Oh no, sorry Buffy. I forget that you haven't been with someone since Riley. Not that that is a bad thing! I mean, what with the whole him leaving thing, and the dying, and the coming back…"
"No, it's ok."
"I'm just saying sometimes you become so focused on one person you forget about all of the things you had before that person. And maybe the most important thing you can do in a situation like this is NOT to forget those people."
"So you think I, err…, you should have sex with an ex-lover?!?"
"Oh sure, I'll just go find all my past conquests. Let's see. There was Oz. And then there was that guy, what was his name? Oh yeah, Oz. But yeah, I think if I'm ever going to move on I've got to deal with some of my… frustrations."
Buffy was truly flabbergasted. She had rarely heard Willow even talk about sex. However, some of the things she was saying made a little sense. Perhaps Buffy should seek out someone else too. Perhaps all she needed was someone to remind her that the world did not start and stop with Dawn.
"So, what do you think?" Willow asked Buffy.
"I think you need to do whatever gets you through this hard time. No matter how much you don't want to sleep with him."
"You know, him, her. Whomever. You just have to force yourself to try something new with a different person, even if that's not what you think you want." Buffy said, starting to get behind Willow's idea. "It makes perfect sense!"
Buffy was trying to remember why this made perfect sense only an hour earlier. She had made here way to the door to Spike's place and was about to knock. As desperate as she was to rid herself of these awful urges, Buffy still hesitated. No longer did the idea of sex with Spike hold any appeal to her. She remembered liking it. But the memory was not clear, like a faded recollection from her childhood. Still, what kind of sister would she be to Dawn if she didn't even try?
When her feelings for Dawn first emerged Buffy cut off all contact with Spike. He had tried to contact her of course. He could not understand what had happened. Not that Buffy blamed him. She was pretty surprised herself! He proclaimed his love for her as he had done so many times in the past, even as he argued that she needed and loved him too. However, Buffy was quite sure she didn't need him. As time went he started to get discouraged. Approximately a month ago he had broken off all contact with her and the rest of the Scoobies. As far as Buffy knew, no one had seen him since.
Buffy was about to knock when Spike opened the door. As stunned to see her as she was he, the two sat there with an awkward silence.
"Buffy?" Spike finally spoke. "What are you doing here?"
"I…." Buffy tried to finish. Her courage left her. All she could think of was that she didn't want to be here and she didn't want this man. She did the only thing she could think to do. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Chosen One, the scourge to all demon kind, ran.
Buffy sat in bed thinking about her (brief) encounter with Spike and how guilty she felt that for all her professed love for Dawn she wasn't even able to make that simple sacrifice. While Buffy didn't know where her feelings for Dawn came from, nor did she know if they would leave as suddenly as they came, she knew that her feelings were wrong. Everything that she had been taught in life told her they were wrong.
Dawn was just blossoming sexually. As far as Buffy knew she hadn't even shown a real interest in guys yet, at least nothing more than a passing comment. She had certainly never seen signs that Dawn was interested in women.
Worse, Dawn was Buffy's sister. After losing everyone that was important to her, how could Dawn cope with the idea that her one remaining family member was trying to have sex with her? What if Dawn didn't return Buffy's affections as expected? Could Dawn even live in the same house as Buffy? Or would the tension be so strong that Dawn would have to leave?
Dawn was an innocent, and Buffy was the adult that she trusted more than anyone else in her life. The fact that Buffy was considering violating that trust to get what she wanted was depraved. It made Buffy feel sick to her stomach.
It took Buffy several hours to get to sleep. She awoke late at night with a sense that someone was in the room. The person was still, maybe not even breathing, but she knew for certain that there was someone near the end of the bed. Buffy looked at the clock. 3 AM. Whoever it was, the person thought she was asleep. Buffy could use that to her advantage. She locked onto the intruder's location and prepared to pounce, her muscles tensing in preparation.
"You look positively ready to kill someone." The intruder spoke.
Spike! Buffy was momentarily surprised the vampire could tell her intentions despite the poor lighting and her best efforts to remain still. Of course, she probably should not have been. Spike was a fighter that had survived over a 100 years. You don't make it that long without being extremely skilled or extremely lucky. As long as Buffy had known Spike he had never come across as having a great deal of luck on his side.
"What do you want, Spike?"
"I was going to ask you the same question. You do recall coming to my place this evening, right?"
"I was lost."
"I think you wanted to see me. Maybe you missed me. Tired of denying that we belong together were you?"
Buffy there and then made the decision that she would have sex with Spike. Willow was right. Buffy realized that until she stopped thinking about being with Dawn every second of the day she would never get over her obsession for her.
"Make love to me." Buffy said, as casually as if she was saying "hello" to an old friend.
"You heard me. You say you want me. Well here I am."
Spike did not need to hear anymore. While he questions Buffy's motives, and even her desire for him, he had been without her for too long. He longed for her in the same way Buffy longed to be with Dawn.
Spike climbed over Buffy who was still under the covers. He covered her lips with his own and kissed her as tenderly as he'd ever kissed any woman in his life, before or after his turning. His heart beat powerfully. Buffy could feel it through his clothes, through the covers, and through her nightgown.
For Buffy, everything seemed mechanical now, even the kissing. Where once having sex with Spike had been about pure lust, now it was a clinical act. She was making conscious decisions on how to kiss him, where to put her lips, how to control her tongue and what to do with her arms.
Actually, Buffy ended up just lying there and letting Spike take control. While she was determined to have sex with Spike, she could not actually make herself fully participate. This did not go unnoticed by Spike. He wanted Buffy, the woman, and was less interested in using her body for his own pleasures. He wanted her to enjoy it. Spike made the decision that she WAS going to enjoy this and he would take his time in the process. During their time apart Spike had wrongly concluded that their rough sex life had scared her away. He was going to show her now that he could be ever bit the lover he knew Angelus had been.
Spike pulled back the top half of the covers revealing Buffy's clothed upper half. He began to kiss her exposed neck. Buffy had to stop herself from cringing when his cold lips touched her neck. She was not sure how long he remained there, kissing and sucking on various parts of her neck. It seemed like forever.
Spike's right hand had found its way under her nightgown and was gently messaging one of her breasts. He then began to pull her nightgown over her head with Buffy lifting her arms to help him. Soon his mouth was where his hand had just been and he sucked on her breasts.
While Buffy was not in any physical discomfort, she felt no pleasure either. Almost the opposite really. A strange feeling of… Buffy didn't know what… was beginning to brew in her stomach. Buffy didn't know how to describe this feeling; only that she had felt a similar aching when she though about how wrong her feelings for Dawn are. For lack of a better description, Buffy thought this feeling was a sort of physical manifestation of guilt and knowing that what you were doing (or thinking in Dawn's case) was wrong.
For all of Buffy's efforts to the contrary, Spike knew that Buffy was not enjoying his attempts to please her. Maybe her soft moans would fool someone else, but not him. He knew her every mannerism, her every movement. Her sharp intakes of air when he touched her spoke volumes to the vampire. He could not smell her in the air. And she just lay there!
Anger grew in Spike once again. What was she playing at? What was he doing wrong now? For lack of a better option Spike pull back the covers quickly and exposed the rest of the Slayer's body. Buffy cringed at this sudden movement, slightly scared at Spike's growing impatience with her. This reaction by Buffy was not lost on Spike either.
The covers removed, the only thing that separated Buffy from Spike was her thin undergarment. At the sight of Buffy's body Spike momentary forgot about pleasing her. Even in the dark he could see every curve, observe her perfect skin. Spike had almost forgotten how beautiful her body was. All he wanted to do now was enjoy this perfection lying before him.
Spike brushed his hand up along the center of Buffy's panty, purposefully causing a slight contact with her clit. In the past even this miniscule contact would have driven Buffy wild. Now she just thought about how much longer he would be before he was done. Spike went to great lengths to tease the girl below her, stroking her upper thighs and all parts above and below her core.
When he finally removed her final piece of clothing, Spike hoped that her desire for him had finally returned. He trailed his tongue from her navel, down through her pubic hair and finally along her vaginal lips. To his dismay, Buffy was completely dry. As Spike worked his tongue up and down her pussy the only moisture that began to form came solely from his own mouth.
Buffy cringed again when she felt Spike's tongue enter her. Spike looked up to see the Slayer staring blankly at the ceiling, as if deep in thought and oblivious to the outside world. His eyes betrayed the storm of emotions brewing inside him. Buffy didn't want him like this, the dark warrior concluded. He wasn't worthy of making love to. All she saw was the monster. Well, if it was the monster she wanted, then dammit, that's what she is going to get!
Buffy gasped as she felt her small frame being lifted roughly off the bed. Spike had her by her forearms and had brought her with him off the bed. He swung her around and trapped her against the wall on the opposite side of the room as the head of her bed. With speed that rivaled her own, Spike drove his full length into her. Buffy hadn't even realized he had freed his penis from his pants.
The pain of the initial penetration was matched again and again as Spike pistoned in-and-out of her. Her vagina was as dry as her eyes were now wet. She soon was uttering a soft "ow" each time he thrust forward. If Spike knew or cared that he was hurting her, he did not let on.
Buffy initially welcomed the pain, thinking it in some way a just punishment for her illicit desires. However, Slayer senses picked up a noise in the hall and Buffy noticed light coming in under her bedroom door. Dawn. She wouldn't let Dawn see or hear her with Spike. The thought was unbearable.
"Stop." Buffy said to Spike. When the vampire didn't respond she repeated it. "Spike, I said stop!"
Not stopping his assault, Buffy decided to remind him just who the stronger of the two really was. Though leverage was difficult as he had her small frame suspended several inches off the floor, Buffy's arms pushed forward with everything she had into Spike's chest. Spike went flying backwards. He looked up, his face a mixture of both shock and anger.
"What sort of sick joke is this?"
"Get out or I'll make you get out."
Spike was unprepared to challenge the Slayer anymore. He went to her window, but turned and reminded her that this wasn't over yet. Buffy did not respond. She closed the window quickly behind the departed Spike, and then checked the hall. The light had been left on but who ever had been in the hall was no longer there. Buffy turned off the light and went back to her room. As the full weight of the night's activities finally hit her she curled up into bed and cried herself to sleep.