tagHumor & SatireMy Big Fat Pornographic Wedding

My Big Fat Pornographic Wedding


(C) - GratefulFred

I still remember the day when my papa was giving me a lift to school with my buddy Jimmy.

“Jimmy, did you know that most words in English have a root in Pornish? Give me a word. Any word will do,” said papa who once again embarrassed me as usual.

“How about “Frosty the Snowman” Mr. Cockinpussypuss” Jimmy asked.

“Yes…Frosty is like Frigid, as in cold during sex while Snow is from the root “blow” which every "Man" loves to get from a hot Porno babe…so you see Jimmy…the English language owes much to the Pornish language” answered papa, all of which gave Jimmy and I a big laugh.

At school everyone saw me as the different kid. I was weak in physical sports, but far ahead of everyone in creative writing. I made good money as the school drug dealer and sexually I was breaking in virgins two at a time. Nonetheless, I was different - I was a member of a pornographic website. Even my Aunt Trixxxy would sometimes go down on the principal whenever I seemed to be getting myself in trouble or she was just in the mood.

After college graduation my pornographic extended family started to worry about me. Sure I was getting laid and all by those American non-porno industry chics, but it seems that I was destined so to speak to marry a good XXX rated pornographic girl, and thus have future generations of smutty kids. Sure there were offers, Brit “On her knees” Rears, Julia “Knob” Jerks, Catherine “Ate ah” Bones as well as others, but it just seemed to me that I couldn’t pick one even if I did have sex with all of them at one time or another.

But one time, while I was working at my uncle’s head shop, I saw her, and somehow I knew that she was the one. Her name was Katya and she lived out on some other website. I decided to seek out my uncle for some advice on how to scoop on her.

“Dude…that website she comes from really blows. No way the communes gonna go along with that” my uncle told me while taking a bong hit.

“I know that but I just got to have her” I responded, pleading with him to give me a bit of help.

“Your sister’s will be pissed off if she finds out, but I’ll tell ‘em all that you are writing some smut novel for some other website so they'll never know”.

“Thanks Uncle”, I said as I went to see Katya on her website, and even though I had to rewrite about every post and be careful not to get censored. Soon Katya likened up to me and we did our first cyber conversation over messenger while her daddy was out of town. Soon after we were having sex some 5 times per day and it was great.

Unfortunately, one of my aunts had set up some fake names and occasionally hops to different sites. She read my posts and she was disturbed. In little time flat I found myself confronted by the whole clan from our pornographic commune. They forbid me to bang a non-porno chic more then twice per day. When I told them that I loved Katya and planned to marry her they freaked out.

Posts upon posts titled to various degrees “Freddy Fucked up!” “Did he lose his cock?” and things like “Assimilation Crime” shot me down. It was the most difficult time in my life. Even when Katya's Dad came over with her to dinner, it seemed we were just worlds apart. We were normally smutty and they for the most part just plain talked boring ass shit like politics, the world and sports. But still I was in love with Katya and she with me, so nothing else really mattered.

Katya agreed to get convert to pornoism, and have sex with all the porno family members. Even when she had to eat the girls all out, she took it in stride and enjoyed herself fully. My aunts were all pleased. Her dad even had such a blast that he converted also to pornoism.

The wedding was wild and I still remember as if it was yesterday when the totally nude and always hot Reverend Emmanuel said, “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now fuck the bride”. Even with everyone watching I finished my load deep inside her in true pornoish form.

The End

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