tagRomanceMy Funny Valentine

My Funny Valentine


Andrea Lew sat alone at the table in their favorite restaurant, impatiently tapping her fingernails. She noticed the quizzical looks the server gave her, so smiled demurely and shrugged her shoulders, but inside she simmered. Had Jonas forgotten their Valentine date? During the past forty-five minutes, she had tried calling him on his cell, his office and his home, with no luck. Sipping her glass of champagne, her eyes scanned the entrance for the umpteenth time that evening while she turned her wrist over to look at her watch.

What the hell is keeping him? She wondered.

"Miss Lew?"

Looking up, she saw her server and her eyes quickly flicked over to her nametag, which said 'Julie'. She wondered how Julie knew her name. "Look, I'm sorry," Andrea apologized. "My Significant Odd One must have either forgotten our date, or his cell phone is dead. If someone else needs this table then I'll be happy to leave."

"Oh no, no! Please stay, Miss Lew..."


"Ma'am?" Julie asked, looking a little confused.

Andrea laughed; she couldn't help it, seeing the cute expression on her face. She figured Julie to be in her late teens to early twenties. "I meant... please call me Andrea, not Miss Lew or Ma'am. Especially not ma'am. That makes me sound ancient," she smiled.

"Will do... Andrea," Julie smiled back, before remembering why she was there in the first place. "Oh yes! You have a phone call. You can use the phone at the bar. And please don't worry about your table. It'll be here when you get back."

"Thank you, Julie," she stood up and asked. "Do you happen to know who it is?"

"No, I'm sorry," the younger woman apologized. "I don't."

"That's all right. Thanks anyway," she nodded, walking towards the bar.



Jonas' low, sexy voice never failed to make the butterflies in her tummy flutter with excitement. Even so, she was still peeved at him. "Hmmm let me guess. Cell phone battery died, you forgot about our date, or got stuck in a meeting?" She asked in a cool, even tone, arching an eyebrow.

"Andi, I'd never forget a date with you. You know I'd show up come hell or high water..."

"So which one's keeping you, hell or high water?" She was sure he could hear the tone of exaggerated patience in her voice.

"Well, if you must know, the president of our company asked me to stay behind after the last meeting of the day. He then asked me to drop my pants. I guess he liked what he saw because he asked me if he could give me a blowjob."

"Hmmm," she replied, nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders. "So, did he like doing you?" She couldn't help the smile that crept over her features, knowing it was a facetious remark.

"Of course. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his place for a little private party. I said naah, I have a gorgeous girl waiting for me and I'm late enough as it is," he flippantly replied.

"Liar," she rolled her eyes and tried to stifle her laughter. She saw the bartender grinning at her, before going back to wiping the bar counter.

"Ummm no, Andi baby. I'd never lie about how gorgeous you are, especially how you look tonight, or how much your smile makes my heart skip a beat whenever I see it, knowing it's meant for me," Jonas paused for awhile before chuckling. "And I see you're wearing my favorite dress of yours, that red-colored number that just makes my mouth water. Mmmm I might just have to rip it off you and take you right at the bar, with everyone watching."

"Wait, how did..." Andrea whirled around and scanned the busy restaurant, which was almost full with other couples celebrating Valentine's Day. "Jon, where are you?" His amused chuckle sounded in her ear, which made her narrow her eyes. "Jon?"

"Look to your right baby."

Andrea did as he said, but all she could see were people sitting comfortably in the lounge, conversing with each other. The song that came wafting out of the speakers of the lounge was Frank Sinatra's 'My Funny Valentine'. She also saw a clown with a cell phone to his ear standing in the middle of the dance floor, holding onto a bunch of balloons which spelled out Jonas' pet name for her—A,N,D,I.

"See the clown?"

"You've got to be kidding me," she said, staring incredulously at the clown. "You have got to be freaking kidding me," she repeated, hanging up the phone so she could walk to him. When she got closer, she peered carefully up at the face of the clown.

"Recognize me, Andi?" His face lit up in a grin. "If not, stick your hand down my baggy pants. I think you might feel something familiar there," he winked.

A quiet giggle started from Andrea's throat, before her whole body started shaking with laughter. "Omigod you're insane." She presented that as an irrefutable statement of fact.

"Why of course I'm insane," he waggled his eyebrows then squeezed the big red plastic nose so it honked. "Insane about you, that is." Handing her the balloons, he grinned, "Now Andi, don't I even get a kiss?"

Glancing around behind them, she saw a small crowd gathering, and the amused expressions on the faces of the people observing them. "Jon," she whispered. "There are people around. And they're watching us."

"Well, you do realize we're in public, don't you? That sort of thing is bound to happen," he grinned. "Kiss me anyway, Andi. It's Valentine's Day, I love you, I'm in this clown suit, and just because."

Reaching up, Andrea wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "Yes it's Valentine's Day, yes I love you right back, yes I noticed you're in a clown suit and you know what?"


"We're going to get you professional help," she nodded sagely, and placed her lips near his ears. "Right after I fuck your brains out and make you cream my pussy," she winked, brazenly sliding her hand down the front of his baggy pants. "Mmmm," she murmured, finding him already hard. "If I squeeze it a little... will it honk for me?"

Swallowing hard, he reminded her with a low growl, "Andi, there are people watching us."

Andrea shrugged her shoulders, her eyes wide with mock innocence. "We are in public, baby. That sort of thing is bound to happen. And weren't you the one who said you wanted to rip my dress off and take me right at the bar?"

Jonas laughed then tilted his head to the side so he could kiss her. "Actually, I have a better idea. And if you'll follow me to the elevator, I have another surprise waiting for you."

"Another surprise?" she asked. "You mean besides you showing up in a clown suit?"

"Asian women," he jokingly rolled his eyes. "So little sense of humor."

"I do too have a sense of humor," she countered, sticking out her tongue. "I'm allowing myself to be seen with you in your charming getup, aren't I?"

"See? Not much of a sense of humor. If you did have enough of one, you'd be asking where I got my outfit from, and dragging me along with you so you can jump into one yourself!"

"Actually, I was hoping to get you out of yours," she smiled mischievously, before letting out a surprised yelp when Jonas pulled her into the empty elevator, and prevented anyone else from entering.

"Sorry, but this performance is reserved for my honey, and her alone," he quipped, smacking the elevator button with one finger of his gloved hand, and waving goodbye with his other. "Only she gets to see my big top."

"That's it, he's lost it," she said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Totally."


When the elevator door opened at the top floor, Jonas took Andrea's hand again so they could run up the final flight of stairs to the roof. "Almost there, baby."

"What are you up to, Jon? Besides the pole tenting your big top, that is," she said cheekily; as he threw open the door to the roof, where a loud, constant noise and a rush of wind greeted them. Her eyes widened when she saw what it was. "A helicopter?"

Jonas laughed when he saw her expression, which was a mixture of utter surprise and delight. "Nothing gets past you, does it, Andi?"

"But how..."

"Get in quick, be careful," he smacked her rear to hurry her up. When she boarded the helicopter, he got in and sat next to her, before slamming the door shut. "Hey George!" he greeted the pilot. "I would like you to meet my fiancée, Andrea. Andi, meet George, who so kindly agreed to give us a ride around the city, before he has to rush off for his date with his wife."

"Hi George!" Andrea shook his hand. "I suppose this clown pulled you in on this wacky plan of his."

"Hey Andi!" George grinned. "He did, and I must say, seeing him in his outfit makes it all worthwhile. And meeting the woman he's doing it for of course!"

"Mmm-hmm yeah that's all very nice and good, but can we take off now, George buddy?" Jonas asked, smacking him with his slapstick.

"Jonas Henderson! Did you just hit him?" Andrea chided him, grabbing the slapstick from his hand and smacking him with it.

"See? It's harmless. It just makes a loud noise so you really thought I was smacking him," Jonas winked.

"Hey, quit clowning around back there and put your seatbelts on," George warned. "We're taking off right now!"

"Our clothes?" Andrea quipped with a giggle.

"No, that comes later, baby," Jonas reached under her dress and gave her crotch a little squeeze. "Seatbelts first."

"You're not suggesting we..." She arched an eyebrow, looking around the cabin. "Here?" She had to admit to herself that it was an intriguing idea.

"Why no, not suggesting it at all. What would make you think such a thing? Never mind that you caused the tenting in my big top, so I now have a circus going on under my baggy pants!" He gave her a woeful puppy dog look, enhanced no doubt by his clown makeup.

Andrea turned away to look out the window and smothered her laughter as the helicopter lifted off the ground and steadily rose over the city. Threading her fingers through his, she exclaimed, "Oh Jon, I love this! How the hell did you manage to pull this off?"

Jonas smiled lovingly at her. "Let's just say I called in a few favors, which I'll be returning. I wanted to make our first Valentine back together a memorable one."

Touching his face tenderly, she kissed his cheek with a sigh. "I can't believe you did this, but I'm glad you did. This is really cool, baby. As a matter of fact," she whispered huskily as she unhooked her seatbelt, threw one thigh over his lap, looked over to make sure that George was busy at the controls, and then turned her body so she was now straddling his thighs. "I think we should take a closer look at the pole that's causing the tenting problem, don't you think?"

Chuckling, Jonas pulled his big red nose off and kissed her back with a whispered warning. "You know I'll never turn you down, but George can look around anytime and see what we're doing, Andi."

"So... we'll invite him for a threesome later, or a foursome, with his wife," she giggled, unhooking his seatbelt and his suspenders. She ran her hand down to his crotch and wrapped it around his thick, hard, dark brown erection. "Or are you telling me that African-American men have no sense of adventure?"

"Like hell we don't. We date crazy, freaky Asian women like you, don't we?" He replied, yanking his gloves off so he could thread his fingers through her long, silky black hair, pulling her face close to his for a deep kiss. His hands slowly slid down her body, until they caressed the bare flesh of her thighs. They continued on, making their way up her dress, to her lacy panties, where he felt it already moist from her arousal.

"Rip it off," she rocked slowly back and forth on his lap. "Damn, I've never made love to a clown in a helicopter before. This should be interesting."


A quick, hard tug and he pulled her panties off. Bringing it close to his face, he breathed in her scent deeply, and stuffed it into his pocket. He slid his finger to her core and teased her clit until he heard her shaky sigh, and her body trembling, while she stroked his cock, their lips locked together in a long, hot kiss. "Get on top of me, baby. I want to feel myself buried to the balls inside you." Taking a hold of her waist to steady her, he let out a long, steady groan when he felt himself penetrating her.

"Like this, sexy?" She teased, deliberately taking her time to inch down his cock. Instead of going down all the way, she slid up and down shallowly on the part that was already inside her. She heard his tortured grunts, and then let out a surprised gasp when he pulled her down hard, to bury himself all the way.

"Quit teasing, and fuck me," he growled, smacking her buttocks. "Or do I have to rip your dress off?"

"Oooh... playing rough, are we?" She laughed. "I was getting there. Kind of funny to see a clown into rough sex though."

"You like it when I'm rough, Andi, don't deny it," he smiled, kneading her butt cheeks hard. "And it's also you in that damned dress, and the fact that we're high above the city. You're making me crazy, baby."

"I did say you're insane earlier, didn't I?" She giggled, and then moaned when she started riding him. "God baby... I love your cock."

"And I love your pussy, love the way it grips my cock. You're beautiful, Andi." He pushed the neckline of her dress down and exposed her full, luscious breasts to his view. "Hot and enticing," he murmured, nipping at the tips, licking and sucking them.

"Is George watching us?" Andrea mischievously asked.

Jonas looked around her and chuckled, "He's trying not to."

"Good," she breathed in his ear. "If he's up for it, maybe I can take care of him later."

"Sure," he winked. "If he wants to, but only if I can take care of him too."

"Shaddap!" She laughed, "You're not even remotely bisexual."

"Hey, anything for a friend, you know?" He teased, moving his hips upwards to meet her downward strokes. "Mmmm yes... that's it baby, just like that."

Jonas felt her creamy juices dripping down his shaft, coating his balls with her hot, delicious goodness. The tingling sensation in his balls told him he didn't have far to go before orgasm. He reached in front of Andrea, where he fingered her little nub, and felt her immediately shudder in response.

"Mmmm oh god, yesss," she hissed softly, her eyes squeezed shut, her lips slightly apart. "Keep doing that, oh god, keep doing that."

Jonas continued playing with her clit, and his mouth returned to her breasts, which were bouncing tantalizingly in front of him. He heard her breathing harder, as she upped the tempo of her strokes. "Yes baby, come for me. Come."

A few heated moments later, he felt her pussy gripping his shaft and the intense shudders going through her body as she came, prompting him to explode inside her. "Oh god!" He groaned, burying his face in-between her peaks.


Andrea held him close to her in the aftermath. She could still feel his cock throbbing inside her and when he brushed against her sensitive clit, she experienced an aftershock. "Oh Jonas!" She sighed deeply, and then leaned against him.

"We should do definitely do this again," Jonas chuckled. "That was probably my most intense orgasm ever and from what I can tell, for you too."

"Mmmm," she smiled lazily. "It was."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Andi. I love you," he said, kissing her forehead.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Jon," she said, slowly sliding off him and onto her seat. "You know I love you too. I hope you don't mind but..." She lowered her voice, "I'm going to have to shag George another time. I kind of want to spend the rest of the evening with you."

Jonas laughed. "I don't mind. I'm sure George will understand too."

"So, are you kids enjoying your ride?" George called out from the front.

Andrea looked at Jonas, and they both burst out laughing. "Yeah, we did."

"You mean we are," Jonas corrected her with a grin. "We're still on our ride, baby."

"Oooh does this mean there's more to come?" She hugged him.

"Of course. Much more," he tickled her sides. "The night is still young."

"Oh good, I'm glad," she reached up and kissed his chin. "My funny Valentine."


Much thanks to neonurotic for his invaluable critique :)

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