tagHumor & SatireNursing an E.M.T.

Nursing an E.M.T.


I was working the 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. shift when it happened. My medic partner and I had just returned from a bullshit call where someone in the projects "fell out" then decided they didn't want transported, so we rolled an ALS unit for nothing. We settled in the recliners in the crew lounge to watch "South Park" figuring we'd likely get to see the entire episode and maybe even the next one before it was our turn to go out again. It was a week-night, and as usual, not a whole hellava lot going on after midnight in that little burg by the lake.

Then all hell broke loose... pagers beeping like crazy:

"EC-41... Shots fired at 12th and Peninsula. MPD en route; ALS backup needed for West Lake EMS."

"EC-37... Unresponsive male, 1201 E. 26th. Caller reported chest pains."

"EC-42... EMS assist for EFD. Structure fire, 700 block Peach Street."

"Hey! Keep it down! We're trying to watch South Park!" my partner teased as the other crews scrambled to get rolling, then settled back down in his recliner. Once again the lounge was quiet, but not for very long. About two minutes later:


"FUCK!" Jimmy yelled to the empty room.

"EC-48... Call the comm center on the land line."

So, I did.

"What's up?" I asked Julie, one of the 9-1-1 operators on the graveyard shift.

"You're not going to believe this," she began. "An 18 year-old guy overdosed on Viagra... he's been, well, you know, for about six hours now."

Part of me, well, a big part of me wanted to start howling with laughter, and I guess a little part of me did. When I told Jimmy our call assignment, he did howl with laughter. But, really, it is a serious thing.

"What the fuck is a kid doing with Viagra?" Jimmy snickered as we rolled out of the garage and acknowledged that we were en route. "Christ! What an idiot!"

"Well maybe at least his girlfriend had a good time," I said, as I flipped the switch for the bar lights.

So... we get to the address. But instead of finding a "girlfriend" it's the kid's mother who greets us at the door.

"What happened?" Jimmy asked, trying to get serious, and doing a good job of it, too.

"He was, uh..." the mother started to say.

"Goddammed idiot was jerking off!" the kid's father laughed from his spot in his own recliner... watching "South Park"... "And he got scared when it wouldn't go down!"

"George!" the mother snapped. "If you'd keep that stuff put away where I told you this wouldn't have happened!"

Well, to move this story along... yep, the kid was, well, you know. Elevated BP, cold sweats... basically scared shitless. We packaged him for transport and got rolling to Hamot, with his parents following. Jimmy made me do the report when we got there since he was just laughing too hard. I wanted to smack him! I mean, there's a reason they say "If erection lasts longer than 4 hours seek emergency medical assistance." This is serious stuff! And that was the end of our involvement in that.

The other three units still hadn't cleared, so we needed to get back in service as soon as possible. Before calling in, I figured it would be a good idea to restock our sheets and blankets, so while Jimmy dressed the stretcher and stowed it, I went down the hall to the linen closet. I didn't know that I wasn't alone in there until the light suddenly went out.

"What took you so long," Jan, my girlfriend at the time, and an ER nurse cooed. She grabbed me in a tight hug and in between deep wet kisses, heavy breathing and crotch groping, she managed to get me up... without the help of Viagra!

"Honey, no... we have to get back..." I panted.

I don't think she heard me, though. Before I knew it, her hand was inside my fly and my dick was out... and leaking pre-cum jizz. She stroked me with one hand and tickled my balls with the other. Suddenly, our pants fell to our ankles, then I picked her up and planted her ass on a counter top inside the small closet.

"Mmmmm," she moaned as she guided me inside her. "No E.D. in the ER tonight, Hon!"

And just when I was getting to the short strokes...

"EC-48... EC-48... are you in service yet? Additional unit needed, 700 block of Peach Street.

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byZZ_Todd© 4 comments/ 15619 views/ 2 favorites

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