================ XML ==================== <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <page><head><title>Story of My Life Ch. 2 - Humor &amp; Satire - Literotica.com</title><description>The reality of growing up with a twist.</description><keywords>Story of My Life Ch. 2, Harley_Quinn_1999, military school, commanding officer, mess hall, spend time</keywords></head><body><pageurl escaped="http%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fstories%2Fshowstory.php%3Furl%3Dstory-of-my-life-ch-2">http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?url=story-of-my-life-ch-2</pageurl><languages><language name="en" current="1" flag="images/flags/gb.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//www.literotica.com/stories/">English</language><language name="es" current="0" flag="images/flags/es.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/es.png" status="1" link="//spanish.literotica.com/stories/">Spanish</language><language name="de" current="0" flag="images/flags/de.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/de.png" status="1" link="//german.literotica.com/stories/">German</language><language name="fr" current="0" flag="images/flags/fr.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/fr.png" status="1" link="//french.literotica.com/stories/">French</language><language name="nl" current="0" flag="images/flags/nl.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/nl.png" status="1" link="//dutch.literotica.com/stories/">Dutch</language><language name="it" current="0" flag="images/flags/it.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/it.png" status="1" link="//italian.literotica.com/stories/">Italian</language><language name="ro" current="0" flag="images/flags/ro.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/ro.png" status="1" link="//romanian.literotica.com/stories/">Romanian</language><language name="pt" current="0" flag="images/flags/pt.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/pt.png" status="1" link="//portuguese.literotica.com/stories/">Portuguese</language><language name="ot" current="0" flag="images/flags/ot.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//other.literotica.com/stories/">Other</language></languages><current-category id="34" sdesc="HS" type="story" cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor" cat-index-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/1-page" cat-top-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/top" cat-tags-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/tags" cat-comms-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/comments" top-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/top/Humor-Satire-34" series-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/series/Humor-Satire-34"><name>Humor &amp; Satire</name><description/></current-category><banners><banner position="top">&lt;div class=&quot;block_id-c3RvcnlwYWdlMzQtdG9wfDEzN3x0b3A=&quot;&gt;&lt;!-- Straight Men for Women --&gt; &lt;a href=&quot;http://vipcams.literotica.com/webcam/guys-cams&quot; style=&quot;display: block; text-align: center; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 110%;&quot;&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;/images/banners/cams500x120_romance.jpg&quot; width=&quot;500&quot; height=&quot;120&quot; border=&quot;1&quot; alt=&quot;Erotic Chat Cams&quot; /&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Erotic Fantasy Live Cams - Safe &amp; Sexy!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;span style=&quot;font-size: 75%;&quot;&gt;Explore your deepest fantasies with Literotica Cam models! 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Discreet, fast shipping from the Literotica Toy Store!&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt; &lt;!-- /Tenga --&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</banner><banner position="inhead" conttype="css"/><banner position="inhead" conttype="js"/><banner position="inbody" conttype="css"/><banner position="inbody" conttype="js"/></banners><story hot="1" editors-pick="0" id="57566" author="132381" category="34" new="0" winner="0" rate="4.70" allow_vote="1" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/story-of-my-life-ch-2" url4url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fs%2Fstory-of-my-life-ch-2" url4url_full="http:https%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fs%2Fstory-of-my-life-ch-2" enable_comments="0" nr_pages="1"><name>Story of My Life Ch. 2</name><description>The reality of growing up with a twist.</description><date>08/08/02</date><text page="1">Well when she woke up we went out and had coffee. She was having morning sickness and needless to say, I wasn't really feeling like eating. We discussed our options and she said that she wanted to have the baby, which was fine with me. I mean after all, I grew up going to catholic school as well as military school, so abortion really wasn't an option for me either. So at that point I had a decision to make: Was I going to do the right thing and handle my responsibilities like an adult, or was I going to run away from them like I always had? &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Well she brought the kids over to my place and as soon as I met them I fell in love. I didn't want them to feel the same pain that they had felt all their life. I didn't want to be just another guy that drifted in and out of their life, when her little boy called me &quot;daddy&quot; with his first word a few months later, I knew that no matter what happened I would always be his father. I would do everything in my power to make sure that he would never be hurt, never have to cry. I wanted to be their father. I wanted to be the person that they would look up to. I wanted to try and make-up for all the things that my father had done to me. I had to make things right.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Well that settled it for me. I had to do what was right. Now this left me with some new options. HOW was I going to do this? How was I going to take care of my new family? I could barely support myself let alone two kids and one on the way as well as Rachel. So I made what was one of the hardest choices of my life. I had grown up in a military family. I had went to military school and so I would have thought that I would have had my fill of that sort of thing. But at that moment I knew that this would let me be able to provide for my family monetarily and as a protector. So when I looked at it that way.... well hey, Uncle Sam wanted me.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; So here I am on my way to thirteen weeks of hell on earth. Now the only thing that kept me going was the thought of those kids and Rachel and the fact that I had to take care of them. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; We finally got there at 2 am and I was just looking forward to getting some sleep without the constant smell of B.O. coming from the guy that sat down next to me on the ride down. I crawled into bed just to be woken up only a few hours later to a revelry that sounded like a elephant being strangled to death. I wonder how much trouble I would get into for beating a bugler with his own trumpet and shoving it where the sun don't shine? &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; So I'm running around like a chicken with my head chopped off trying to get dressed and in presentation out in front of the barracks. This is my first day here and I don't want to give my commanding officer a reason to hate me already. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; First things first PT... ohhhhh goodie! If my superiors didn't hate me before, they did now. Some skinny little punk that they could tell right away wasn't going to be able to be broken, and any Drill Sergeant you'll ask that is what they consider to be the first lesson that they have to get across. They break you down to nothing just so they can build you up to what you need to be in the heat of the moment. But since I already know this, I'm determined to let them know that I understand what is expected of me and that I already have reached that point.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; So the next stop is the mess hall. And if those still moving lumps of &quot;food&quot; on everybody else's trays are any indication then this has got to be the best case of truth in advertising ever. Now this is one time in my life that I can look back at my childhood and be grateful for. I learned at a very young age the saying: &quot;Eat it now, you can taste it later&quot;. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Now this was the point that I realized that this wasn't the little summer camp that I had been in like military school. I mean the group of fresh meat that I had come in with looked completely out of place. For one thing everybody else that was with me had their jaws on the floor as they looked across the room at the tired faces. Kids who were only 18 or 19 years old suddenly looked like they had aged thirty years in the matter of a few weeks. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Now out of the whole group that I was with, I was the only one with ANY military experience. So I was just kinda thrust into the position of being a leader, taking care of a whole group of kids now. And you got to remember that I'm doing good just to take care of myself at this point, let alone a whole bunch of people that I've just met. But you have to play the hand you're dealt, and this is mine. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; So the next stop on this little tour of hell is the dispensary. &quot;Ladies and gentlemen, to your left... you'll see green and plenty of it. Because that's all we wear here. Now no matter how long I've known about what the military was about I have never understood the concept behind camoflauge. I mean if you see 20 or 30 guys bald guys walking down the road carrying enough firepower to arm a small third world army; do they really blend in any better just because they're all dressed in green?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Green, green, green... EVERYTHING is green. Your pants, your jacket, your socks, your underwear, your shirt (and yes I said &quot;shirt&quot;, I'm sorry but a blouse is what a woman wears, not some trained killing machine carrying a semi-automatic weapon, but in the words of Dennis Miller: &quot;That's just my opinion. I could be wrong.). And it all comes exactly the same way: one size fits nobody. And god forbid you don't wear shoes that aren't size 36! I swear, if you were to follow those guys when they go to buy those boots, you'd see them at Bozo's house every time he had a yard sale. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Now we get to be stripped of the last vestage of humanity we have. It's time to get out the turtle wax boys and girls. You know I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this was decided by a group of grand-high-poobahs in the first meeting of &quot;the hair club for men&quot;. I can see it now. We're just sitting back and watching Hitler decimate millions of jews and it's like&quot; Ok, no big deal. But wait a minute... does that mean that he'll have the only army in the world with those spiffy hair-do's? Well now we HAVE to go kick his ass!&quot; &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; So I lost my locks, my hair that I had been growing since I was 12 years old. My hair, that I looked at as an outward extention of my honor, just to be able to take care of my kids, because to do what was right by them was a greater honor than any other. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Now back to the mess hall... &quot;Master may I please have more gruel, sir?&quot; It moved. I swear to God I saw that lump move. Oh sweet Jesus it's looking at me. It's looking at me! You know you'd think with all these guns around here somebody would kill the food before they give it to you, but then again everything you do here is for a reason. I guess this is just a starter class for close quarters hand-to-hand combat.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Well now we come to the point where everybody calls up their mommy's and daddy's and tells them how they're here safe and sound. Well needless to say, I didn't really give a rat's ass if my parents even knew if I existed or not any more. So I called Rachel. I told her that I was doing fine, and asked how the kids were, and how she was feeling. And that was when I noticed a little nervous laugh that she had. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Rachel? What's wrong? Is everything all right? Are you ok? Is the baby ok?&quot; I started panicking. I could almost feel myself about to hyperventilate. I could do all the push-ups in the world and not pass out, but let me think that something was wrong with someone that I truly cared about, and that I couldn't be there as well... now I'd just fall apart.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well do you remember when I told you that I was going to the doctor's today? No, no, there aren't any complications... well, not exactly. The doctor ran another test on me, and it came back negative.&quot; Her voice was suddenly a LOT more nervous. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't think for one minute that she had lied to me. Hell I had even seen the test she had taken with my own eyes. But she was scared that now I would leave her.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I didn't know what I was feeling. Mad, that I had went through all this for nothing. Scared, that now that she didn't have anything that tied her to me, that she would have no reason to be with me. Hurt, that I wasn't going to be a father now. But in just that instant, she could feel everything within me. And she spoke just those simple words that I didn't know I had needed to hear all my life. &quot;It's ok. Everything will be all right. We'll be waiting right here when you get back. The kids love you, and I love you.&quot; Well that was it. I was bawling like a 4-year-old that had just skinned his knee. Here I am the roughest, toughest, SOB that had ever stepped foot onto this base, and I'm crying my eyes out. Tears streaming down my face. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; My commanding officer walked over to tell me that time was up but before he could get a single word out, he looked down at me, and this look just washed over his face. Confusion, saddness, frustration that he could do nothing to help, and a subtle little nod, that let me know that there was a respect there that no ammount of push-ups could have ever gotten. He looked at me and let me know that this was something that would never be spoken of ever again, but that it was also something that he would remember till his dying day. I nodded and let him know that I would be getting off the phone now. I told Rachel that I loved her and I said good bye to the kids. I said that I loved them all and would call again real soon.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Well, here I am now. 12 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, and 38 minutes. But that's ok because now I have something to focus on. I can spend this time thinking and learning. Training and disciplining my mind and body. I want to be the best soilder that I can be. Why? To protect my country? Yes. To provide for my family? Yes. To give my children a father that they can be proud of? Yes. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; But.... there is one more thing. I want to learn how to be a good soilder, so that I can spend this time concentrating on every excruciating, sadistic, creul, evil, vindictive, painful way that there is to torture a man. And just so you know... at a little home pregnancy test factory in Cleveland, Ohio there is a inspector number 41 that I'm going to be paying a little visit to. </text><pager paramname="page" current-page="1" action="https://www.literotica.com/s/story-of-my-life-ch-2"><text>1 Pages</text><page page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/story-of-my-life-ch-2</link><text>1</text><title>Story of My Life Ch. 2 - Humor &amp; Satire</title></page><options><option page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/story-of-my-life-ch-2</link><text>1</text></option></options></pager></story><author id="132381" allowfeedback="1"><name>Harley_Quinn_1999</name></author><story-stats comments="0" views="10927" favs="0"/><relatedstories id="57566"><story id="153057" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/earth-and-beyond-ch-01" category_id="38" rating="80" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" rate="4.23" author="390633" author-username="gghalo" order-number="1" comment-cnt="2"><name>Earth &amp;amp; Beyond Ch. 01</name><description>One war, three worlds, every possibility.</description></story><story id="42156" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/friends-finally-become-lovers" category_id="2" rating="0" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" rate="4.16" author="89372" author-username="BatsandGlamour" order-number="2" comment-cnt="2"><name>Friends Finally Become Lovers</name><description>He waited 20 years; she couldn't wait a minute.</description></story><story id="77134" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/the-elevator-11" category_id="2" rating="91" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" rate="4.32" author="51927" author-username="mudlnthru" order-number="3"><name>The Elevator</name><description>A fantasy is realized.</description></story><story id="51645" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/radar-love" category_id="27" rating="0" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" rate="3.55" author="123382" author-username="JonJon237" order-number="4"><name>Radar Love</name><description> The hot underside of the 4077th.</description></story><story id="7761" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/the-paul-and-jenny-stories-pt-11" category_id="39" rating="90" writers-pick="1" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" rate="4.25" author="14461" author-username="PAUL C" order-number="5" comment-cnt="1"><name>The Paul &amp;amp; Jenny Stories Pt. 11</name><description>Couple finds love during the Great War.</description></story></relatedstories><seriesstories pages="1"><seriesstories-page page="1"><story id="57561" category_id="34" rating="70" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="0" comment-cnt="0" author="132381" author-username="Harley_Quinn_1999" rate="4.42" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/story-of-my-life-ch-1"><name>Story of My Life ... 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<xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/common_story_webtv/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/addtofavs_ie6_v15/voting_ie6/relatedstories_ie6/series_ie6/reccomments_ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/addtofavs_ie7_v15/voting_ie7/series_ie7/reccomments_ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie8/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> </xsl:if> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-print/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="print"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <!-- please, update short version above --> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/cmn.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-pager.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_webtv.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-s-story-list.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie6_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/relatedstories_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie7_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie8.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery-1.4.2.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/cmn.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.tools.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.scrollTo-min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.cookie.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/autoresize.jquery.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/user.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/classes/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/invoc/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/addtofavs-jq_v15.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/votes-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/reccomments-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/b-pager.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/report.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-print.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="print"/> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <link media="screen" rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/colorbox.css?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/jquery.colorbox.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/story-colorbox.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/body"> <body class="t-storypage font-set-1 c{current-category/@id} btoprel"> <xsl:call-template name="emergency-underbody"/> <div id="fb-root"/> <div id="w" class="top-b"> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-top" style="width:100% !important;"> <ins data-revive-zoneid="40" data-revive-id="8ae265101a05bd53e45d50e5004a0297"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - End ****************** --> <div id="root" class="ss2 story-{story/@id}"> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- <xsl:call-template name="rltr-common-sidebar" /> --> <xsl:if test="1 = 0"> <!-- disabled --> <div class="b-box b-user"> <div class="b-box-header"> <div class="b-user-avatar"> <a href="#"><img height="35" width="35" src="/imagesv2/avatar-mini-2.png"><xsl:attribute name="alt"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute></img></a> </div> <!-- <b></b> is IE7 hack element --> <div class="b-user-name"><a href="#"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a><b/></div> </div><!-- b-box-header --> <div class="b-box-body"> <p class="b-message-anonimous"> <small>Submit Your Story Now For <span style="color: red;">Free</span>:</small><br/> <a class="loginlink" href="/members/main.php">Login</a><span style="color: gray;"> or </span><a class="signuplink" href="/stories/signup.php">Sign Up</a> </p> <br/> <p> <a href="#">Edit Profile</a><xsl:text> </xsl:text><a class="logout-link" href="#">Logout</a> </p> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-user --> </xsl:if> </div> <xsl:call-template name="header-logo"/> <div id="main" class="story"> <div id="content"> <div class="b-breadcrumbs"> <span class="ico"><a href="{$site-root}/index.php"><img src="/imagesv2/icons/i-home.gif" alt="tag"/></a></span> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="splited-index-special-h1"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <a href="/s/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <a href="/p/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <a href="/i/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <a href="{current-category/@cat-url}"><xsl:value-of select="current-category/name"/></a> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page &gt; 1"> <a href="{story/@url}"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></a> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:value-of select="$page"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </div> <div class="b-story-header"> <h1><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></h1> <!-- "-y", "x-r15" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r22"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span> </div> <!-- "-x", "x-r15" and div added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-story-body-x x-r15"><div> <p><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/text"/></p> </div></div> <!-- **************** pager ***************** --> <div class="b-story-stats-block"> <!--<xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages">--> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <p class="b-report-problem"><a class="b-report-problem-story" href="{$site-root}/report_story.php?id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow">Report Story</a></p> </xsl:if> <!--</xsl:if>--> <!-- "-y", "x-r50" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r50"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text> <xsl:apply-templates select="story-stats"/> </div> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- ******************* share ******************** --> <xsl:call-template name="share-love"/> <!-- ******************* related stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <!--<xsl:call-template name="format1"/>--> <xsl:apply-templates select="relatedstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* series stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* tags ******************** --> <xsl:if test="tags"> <xsl:apply-templates select="tags"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* bug report ******************** --> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Report a Bug</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <a href="/stories/quest/bugs.php?id=3&amp;url={story/@url4url}"><strong>Submit bug report</strong></a> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </div><!-- b-sidebar --> <div id="sbar-l-wrp"> <xsl:if test="story/pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="story/pager"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$preview = &quot;preview&quot;"> <div id="preview-back"> <p>If you want to make changes or to publish story click "<strong>Go Back to Edit or Publish</strong>" button.</p> <form method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="return" value="{$preview-backurl}"/> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="dummy"/> <input type="submit" class="i-button" name="edit" value="Go Back to Edit or Publish"/> </form> </div> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* vote ******************** --> <xsl:if test="story[@allow_vote = 1] and $page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:call-template name="vote"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** Add to favs buttons ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-favorites c"> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Story <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this story!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Poem <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this poem!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}"> Favorite Illustrations <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this illustration!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> </div> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** comments ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:if test="(author/@allowfeedback = 1) or (story/@enable_comments = 1)"> <div id="tabs" class="b-tabs"> <dl> <xsl:if test="story/@enable_comments = 1"> <dt class="selected"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Recent Comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></dt> <dd class="selected"> <div class="dd"><div class="b-tabs-content"> <xsl:apply-templates select="recent-comments/comments"/> </div></div> </dd> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-comment-form"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="author/@allowfeedback = 1"> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-feedback-form"/> </xsl:if> </dl> </div><!-- b-tabs --> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </div><!-- #sbar-l-wrp --> </div><!-- #content --> </div><!-- #main --> </div><!-- #root --> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-bottom"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone18" data-zone-id="18"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - End ****************** --> </div><!-- #w --> <div id="b-footer"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone42" data-zone-id="42"/> <xsl:call-template name="tags-footer"> <xsl:with-param name="mode"><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;">stories</xsl:if><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poems&quot;">poem</xsl:if></xsl:with-param> </xsl:call-template> </div><!-- #b-footer --> <xsl:call-template name="iphone-message"/> <xsl:call-template name="rltr-login-in-div"/> <script async="async" src="//poetry.literotica.com/www/delivery/asyncjs.php"/> <xsl:call-template name="r1-banner-init"/> </body> </xsl:template> <!-- **************** vote template ****************** --> <xsl:template name="vote"> <xsl:comment> // VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> <div id="voting"> <form action="{$site-root-dynamic}/vote.php" method="post" id="voteform"> <div> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="page" value="{$page}"/> <input type="hidden" name="pagehint" value="{$page}"/> <p id="votemsg"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">showstory-please-rate</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>:</p> <fieldset id="votefset"> <label for="v1">1</label> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="1" id="v1"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="2" id="v2"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="3" id="v3"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="4" id="v4"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="5" id="v5"/> <label for="v5">5 <span>(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">best</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">best mark</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</span></label> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="Submit" id="submitbut"> <xsl:attribute name="value"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Submit Vote</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute> </input> </div> </form> <div id="votingform"><p id="v_caption">Please Rate This Submission:</p><ul id="v_list"><li><strong id="lv1" title="I Hated It!">1</strong></li><li><strong id="lv2" title="I Didn't Like It Much.">2</strong></li><li><strong id="lv3" title="Liked It - Keep On Writing.">3</strong></li><li><strong id="lv4" title="Really Liked It - Good Read!">4</strong></li><li><strong id="lv5" title="Loved It - One Of The Best!!">5</strong></li></ul><div id="loading"><img src="/imagesv2/voting/animation.gif" width="13" height="13" alt="Please wait"/></div></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> loadForm(<xsl:value-of select="story/@id"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>); //</xsl:comment> </script> <xsl:comment> // END OF VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** tags template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="tags"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"> <h3>Tags For This Story<!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Story Tags For This Submission:</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">story-page-bottom</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>--></h3> </div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-story-tag-list"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="tag"> <li><a href="{$site-root-tagsportal}/{name-encoded}"><xsl:value-of select="name"/></a><xsl:if test="position() &lt; last()"> – </xsl:if></li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** related template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="relatedstories"> <xsl:if test="story"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Similar stories</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "rt-65" added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list rt-65"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="b-s-story-list-link"><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> by <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={@author}&amp;page=submissions" class="b-s-story-list-user"><xsl:value-of select="@author-username"/></a> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;">  <span class="b-s-story-rating"> <xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0">  <span class="b-s-story-comment"> <xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** series template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="seriesstories"> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> var series_page_count = <xsl:value-of select="@pages"/>; // </xsl:comment> </script> <div id="b-series" class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Also in this series</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "t-4ut" and div with comment added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list t-4ut"><div><xsl:comment> // </xsl:comment></div> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories-page"/> <!--<div class="b-pager">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-prev"></span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-next"></span>--> <!-- <div class="b-pager-pages">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-page">1</span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-active">2</span>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</div>--> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> <!--<xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 1">--> <!-- <div class="pager">--> <!-- Page:--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="prev"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('left');</xsl:attribute>&lt;&lt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:for-each select="seriesstories-page">--> <!-- <span>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesChangePage('<xsl:value-of select="@page" />');</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="id">series_pager_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page = 1">--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="class">current visible</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 1 and @page &lt; 6"><xsl:attribute name="class">visible</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 5"><xsl:attribute name="class">hidden</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:value-of select="@page" />--> <!-- </span>--> <!-- </xsl:for-each>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="next"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('right');</xsl:attribute>&gt;&gt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</xsl:if>--> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="seriesstories-page"> <div class="frame"> <!--<xsl:attribute name="id">series_page_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page = 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">show</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page != 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">hide</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <!-- "i-18k" and comment added to kill Android App --> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="ser_link i-18k"><xsl:comment> t </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> <xsl:text> </xsl:text> <span class="b-s-story-stats-block"> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-rating"><xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-comment"><xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </span> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** 1format1 template ******************* --> <xsl:template name="format1"> <div class="b-1f1 slow-animation active-on-visible sen-05 template-5"> <p class="a-right small ad-name">advertisment</p> <div class="b-1f1-top"/> <div class="b-1f1-body"> <div class="b-1f1-ba"> <div class="b-1f1-ba-t"><em class="b-1f1-ba-tl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-tr"/></div> <strong>related to this story:</strong><br/> <div class="big banner-text"> <a href="#">Pipedream Products Nipple</a><br/> <a href="#">Chain Clips Sex Toy Kit</a> </div> <div class="b-1f1-ba-b"><em class="b-1f1-ba-bl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-br"/></div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-v-bar"> <p class="indent message"/> <div class="b-1f1-v"> <a href="#" class="button b-no"><span>No</span></a> <ul class="voting-bar"> <li class="vb-1"><a href="#"><span>1</span></a></li> <li class="vb-2"><a href="#"><span>2</span></a></li> <li class="vb-3"><a href="#"><span>3</span></a></li> <li class="vb-4"><a href="#"><span>4</span></a></li> <li class="vb-5"><a href="#"><span>5</span></a></li> </ul> <a href="#" class="button b-yes"><span>Yes</span></a> <p class="small tcenter voting-bar-rating">4.5</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-bottom"/> </div> <div id="format1-banners"> <div id="format1-banner-1"><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a><br/><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-2"><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a><br/><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-3"><a href="#">Dave moved his hands...</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-4"><a href="#">Very big ti...</a></div> </div> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="membername"> <xsl:param name="uid"/> <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={$uid}"><xsl:value-of select="//member[@id = $uid]" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="no-comments"> <p class="morereccomments"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this illustra</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <span class="loadmorecomments"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Show more comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></span> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <a href="{$site-root}/storyfeedbackboard.php?id={@story}&amp;pagehint=6"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">comments-read-all-comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> (<xsl:value-of select="@total"/>)</a></xsl:if> </p> </xsl:template> <!-- special pager-new.xsl override method to always show pager --> <xsl:template match="pager"> <div class="b-pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="previous"/> <xsl:apply-templates select="next"/> <div class="b-pager-pages"> <xsl:if test="text"> <!-- "-t", "r-d45" and comment added to kill Android App --> <span class="b-pager-caption-t r-d45"><xsl:comment> x </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="text"/>:</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:apply-templates select="page"/> <xsl:if test="//pager/next"> <xsl:apply-templates select="options"/> </xsl:if> <!-- <xsl:if test="not (//pager/next)"> <span class="fblike"><fb:like layout="button_count" show_faces="false" colorscheme="light"></fb:like></span> </xsl:if> --> </div> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_hcount" displayText="Tweet"></span>--> <!-- <span class="st_email_button" displayText="Email"></span>--> </div><!-- b-pager --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="story-stats"> <span class="b-story-stats"><xsl:value-of select="@comments"/> comments<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@views"/> views<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@favs"/> favorites</span> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="share-love"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Share the love</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-share-love"> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_sharethis_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> <span class="st_facebook_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> --> <!-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag --> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"/> <div id="gplus"><div class="g-plusone" data-size="medium"/></div> <div id="tw-share"><a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-text="{story/name}" data-url="{story/@url}">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"/></div> <div class="secline"> <div id="add-this"><a href="https://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/share.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Share"/></a></div> <div id="add-email"><a href="https://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/email/offer?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/email.gif" width="56" height="18" alt="Email"/></a></div> </div> </div><!-- b-share-love --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="i18n"> <xsl:param name="key"/> <xsl:param name="hint"/> <xsl:param name="param1"/> <xsl:param name="param2"/> <xsl:param name="param3"/> <xsl:param name="param4"/> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Page&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Page</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Recent Comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Recent<br/> Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;showstory-please-rate&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please Rate This Submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;best&quot; and $hint=&quot;best mark&quot;">best</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Vote&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Vote</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;There are no recent comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">There are no recent comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;n older comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> older comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this poem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this illustra&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this illustration</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;or-conjunction&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">or</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Show more comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Show more comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-all-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;literotica-copyright&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark.<br/> No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Home&quot; and $hint=&quot;http://www.literotica.com/&quot;">Home</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Stories&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Stories</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Webcams&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Webcams</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forum&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forum</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Adult Store&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Adult Store</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Bug&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Bug</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Next&quot; and $hint=&quot;next page&quot;">Next</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Previous&quot; and $hint=&quot;previous page&quot;">Previous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Go-button&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Go</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-n-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-click-to-leave-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to leave your own comment on this submission!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-be-first-to-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Story!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Poem!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Poem!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Illustra!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Illustration!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;more...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">more...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send-br-Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send<br/> Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-pri-ano-feedbk-to-author&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send private <strong>anonymous feedback</strong> to the author</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-post-public-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to post a public comment instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title your feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title your feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your feedback to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback to</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;ifyouwouldlikearesponse&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Please type in the security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please type in the security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;listen-secret-code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You may also <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>listen to a recording of the characters<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Feedback sent successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Feedback sent successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send Your Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send Your Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-privacy-note&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Note: Literotica values your privacy. No email addresses or names are ever saved from this feature. Once the mail is sent, all information is purged completely from the system.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Thanks!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Thanks!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-sent-to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback was successfully sent to: <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-for-more&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to check for more submissions by <xsl:value-of select="$param3" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-emailstory-return-to-the-story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to return to the story.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-to-recommend&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to recommend this story to a friend.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Add-a-br-Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Add a<br/> Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;thisis-preview-if-it-looks-good-click&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">This is a preview of how your comment will appear. If it looks good, please<br/>click the</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;below to post the comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">below to post the comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Edit comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Edit comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Posting...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Posting...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Comment posted successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Comment posted successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to view it&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to view it</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;post-public-comment-on-submission&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post a <strong>public comment</strong> on this submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-send-private-feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title of your comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title of your comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your public comment about&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your public comment about</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Post comment as (click to select)&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post comment as (click to select)</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;You are logged in as&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You are logged in as</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;As user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">As user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Username&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Username</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Password&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Password</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;makecomments-edit-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Edit Your Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;makecomments-submit-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">SUBMIT Your Comment!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Login&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Login</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Sign Up&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Sign Up</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Terms Of Services&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Terms Of Services</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Problem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Problem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forgot your password?&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forgot your password?</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Change picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Change picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your current user picture, all sizes&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your current user avatar, all sizes</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Default size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Default size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Default (75x75) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Default (75x75) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Medium size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Medium size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Medium (48x48) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Medium (48x48) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Small size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Small size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Small (24x24) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Small (24x24) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Tiny size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Tiny size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Tiny (16x16) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Tiny (16x16) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;You have a picture waiting&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Select new user picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Select new user avatar</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Upload and save&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Upload and save</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Upload successful&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Upload successful</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;User picture uploaded&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Close-avatar-dialog&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Close</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;change-picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">change picture</xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise>I18N: "<xsl:value-of select="$key"/>","<xsl:value-of select="$hint"/>" NOT FOUND</xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> </xsl:stylesheet> =========================================