Thorne Ch. 11bykalamazoo707©
Note: Once again I thank you all for your patience. I also wish to thank Jean and donalde for beta reading and to mostera1 who bounced ideas with me.
Barb continued to stare at the phone for several minutes before deciding against making her phone call. She wasn't in the mood to hear what a selfish bitch she was. A few minutes later, she was looking at the phone again. Suddenly she wanted to hear a friendly voice. She ran down the list of her so called friends and none of them jumped out at her as someone that she could really talk to. She already knew what most if not all of them would have said, "stay married, have the kid and spend his money." That would have been an option, but the fact that she would have to be physically with Thorne forever stopped her. That was why she didn't choose the option of living with him as he mate. The fact that she would be expected to take care of the baby was the other reason that made that choice unattractive.
She lay on the bed and closed her eyes. She wondered if there was any way that she could get out of having guards. There wasn't. Thorne took the issue of her safety seriously even though they weren't together per se. It brought home the fact that no matter what happened they were tied together. She weighed her options and decided that all she could do was learn to accept that she would never be truly alone as she wished. That decision made, she went back to thinking about her family.
It still galled her that things seemed to have happened so easily for Leon, Kevyn and Louise. When she thought about it, it had always been that way. Even Leon who had been a drug addict seemed to have led a charmed life.
"Why is that?" she asked the air. "Why do I have to struggle so much?"
"Why do you think that is?" the voice asked. "What is the fundamental difference between you and your siblings with the exception of your brother Gene? And he's even seen the light- I'm not talking about personality per se- I'm talking about character. We both agree that you are not like them and that isn't a bad thing- it's what you do with those differences that count. Think about the things that your parents tried to teach you. Were you even listening when they tried to teach the importance of sticking together as family? What did your father always tell you? At the end of the day, knowing that you have people that love you is what counts. The knowledge that your family loves you can get you through anything. Do you remember him saying that?"
Barb didn't reply. She had the feeling that she wasn't expected to.
Almost a week passed and Thorne still hadn't called his mother. He always found something else to do. He had two more days before his next appointment with Eustace and one more day before Noel was going to be leaving. Felix had managed to tie up his business affairs early and Noel was eager to be on his way.
The club remained closed, but was watched in case any stray hunters remained. Not going to the club was giving him more time to think than he liked. Finally, he decided to get the unpleasantness over with. Once again he found a reason to procrastinate. He called to check in on Olivia and the others. It wasn't a long conversation and was over in less than two minutes.
"Fuck," he swore and dialed his mother's cell phone number. It rang four times before she answered it. He was almost positive that she was debating whether she wanted to talk to him or not. He guessed that like him, she wanted the unpleasantness to be done with.
"Mother, this is Thorne."
He heard the uncertainty in her voice when she replied.
"What's wrong? Is Noel alright?"
"Noel is fine," he replied ignoring the fact that she hadn't asked about him. It was only fair he supposed. He hadn't called her once during the issue with the hunters.
"Oh- then what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" Samantha asked. The slightly sarcastic tone of her voice suggested that she considered the call anything but a pleasure.
He had planned to talk to her on the phone but somehow it didn't feel right. Ignoring the sarcasm; Thorne continued.
"Are you at home or on one of your trips?" he asked.
"Home," Samantha replied after a brief hesitation. "Why do you ask?"
"We need to talk. I was going to do it over the phone, but I think that we need to speak face to face."
"I'm about to leave, can it wait?"
"When will you be back?" Thorne asked sensing the lie. "I only need an hour or two of your time."
"Well- can you come now?" Samantha asked. "I really was on my way out."
"I'll be there in a few minutes."
Before he left, he went to tell Noel where he was going. His announcement was met with surprise. Next he checked on Barb and let Adrianna know that he was leaving. He couldn't help but notice that she seemed much happier now that her mate was with her. He made a final check around the house and vanished to his mother's home.
There was a suitcase next to the door, but he knew that she had put it there to give the illusion that she was leaving. He decided not to confront her about the lie and to get straight to the point of his visit. Samantha sat on the couch watching him and knew that he knew that she really wasn't going anywhere. She relaxed slightly when he ignored the suitcase and sat in the arm chair across from her. Thorne took a moment to look at his mother. He could see why his father had been smitten with her. She was stunning with her green eyes, dark hair and clear porcelain skin. She was tall, willowy and graceful- the kind of woman that his father had always fancied. It came to him that Barb was as physically beautiful as his mother was but in a different way. And like his mother she was self-serving and cared little for what others thought and needed. He grimaced at the thought. He was like that too- he was more like them than he cared to think. It was something that he needed to work on. It would never completely change, but...
"What did you want to talk about?" Samantha asked uncomfortable with his assessing her.
"I wanted you to know that I am seeing a therapist," he said in a matter of fact tone of voice. "I know how father felt about them- I even felt the same way, but I have come to believe that sometimes they are necessary."
Samantha was speechless. Of all of her sons, Thorne was the last one that she would have suspected of going to a therapist. Noel she could see, but Thorne?
"What prompted this?" she asked genuinely interested.
"You," he replied. "All of my life, I've blamed you for the way that I am. While it's true that you are partially responsible- I bear some of the responsibility as well. I allowed how I felt about you to dictate my behavior toward a certain type of woman. That in turn led me to make decisions that will affect me and others for eternity.
"What are you talking about?" Samantha asked now curious.
"Do you really need for me to say it?" Thorne asked. "Fine, then I'll say it. You never loved father or us. You made a good show of it, but the bottom line is that you were more concerned about money and appearances than you were about four children who needed their mother. Yes I admit that we wanted for nothing in the physical sense, but you emotionally starved us. I don't hate you, but I sure as hell don't like or respect you..."
"Then why are you here?" Samantha asked. "Why don't you continue to do what you've been doing- ignoring me?"
"Because there is now more than just me involved," Thorne replied. "And I'm not talking about Noel although god knows he is a big part of this."
He gave her the condensed version of his meeting Barb and the resulting pregnancy.
"She isn't the only one that I have treated wrongly," Thorne said, "but she is the only one who I impregnated."
"A grandson?" Samantha whispered in disbelief. "You have a mate?"
"Yes and it is because of my son that I am here. I am making you aware of him and to let you know that I will not stop you from being a part of his life if you wish. But- we need to reach some kind of understanding as to what our relationship is. We need to find a way to get along if only for his sake."
Samantha stood up and walked around the room for several minutes. "What about your mate? Will you stay with her?"
"Are you asking if I love her?" Thorne asked.
"No I don't love her," Thorne replied, "and I won't pretend that I do. We are together only because of decisions that we both made."
"But... a child needs his mother...."
Thorne laughed, but it was a laugh without humor. "Really? We seemed to have been raised without you. I don't remember you attending many of our school or social functions. One of the servants usually went in your place. At any rate, she loves me no more than I love her. After the child is born she plans to move away. As I said, she will have access to him just as you will. She and I will also have to work on a way to get along for the sake of the baby."
Samantha was shocked. Thorne a father and mate? Of all of her son's he was the one that maintained that he wanted neither of those things. She knew that he wasn't lying when he said that he didn't love the woman, but the child was a different matter altogether- he loved this child. Once again she was reminded that Thorne's emotions-when he had them ran deep. She was curious about the woman and asked about her.
"Her name is Barbara Yancy Simpson," Thorne replied. "She moved from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to find a rich husband. She started actively hunting here in California when her sisters wouldn't set her up with one of the Sinclaire males. What else do you need to know about her?"
Samantha was silent. She knew exactly what Thorne was thinking.
"Is she beautiful?" Samantha finally asked.
"She is," Thorne conceded.
"And there is no way in which you can remain together? Your father and I...."
"Lived a lie," Thorne interrupted. "The difference between me and him is that he loved you and you took advantage of that love. You had children because the fates decreed it, but if not for that; none of us would have been born. Do you deny this?"
Samantha blanched. Here she had thought it was Noel that could see into her, it was Thorne. It explained why he had always been so cold to her. Noel saw what she was, but it didn't matter. She had hated the wrong son. Now she could admit it. She hated Noel because she thought that he knew the real her.
"No, I don't deny it," Samantha replied. "I never wanted children, but how do you say it? Karma is a bitch. The fates gave me what I wanted but at a price- the four of you. Since we're being honest, what else do you think you know?"
"Do you really want to have this conversation?" Thorne asked coldly.
"Why not?" Samantha asked her tone just as cold. "Isn't the point of your little visit to clear the air for the sake of your son? So let's hear it. What do you think you know?"
"You are an ungrateful, unfaithful bitch," Thorne hissed. "Do you really think that your house staff cared enough about you to keep your secrets? Your treating them like shit didn't help. You didn't want father any more than you wanted us. And before you try to tell me that the staff lied or that it was just gossip, I saw you not once but twice! Would you like me to tell you who I saw you with? No? I'll tell you anyway."
"What?" Thorne shot back. His green eyes blazed with anger as he looked at the woman he was supposed to love. "Don't you want to hear any more? Too fucking bad! I'm going to tell you anyway. I was ten years old when I found out that you were being unfaithful. Father was out of town on a business trip. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. He came to our room just before he left to say good rest. He wasn't a cruel man then. He was even tolerant of Noel and his leanings toward art. He promised to bring us a treat from wherever it was he was going. I remember laying there unable to sleep because as excited as I was about the treat; I didn't want father to go.
The idea that something bad was going to happen to him crossed my mind and I needed you to reassure me that all would be well. I waited until I thought that it was dark enough to go to your room. I wanted to read with you because it would calm me. I knew that you would probably say no, but I decided to try anyway. I went through the secret passage that we had had found one night while playing- it led directly to your room..."
"I heard you laughing and then I heard a male's voice. At first I thought that it was father that he didn't have to go away after all. I was so --happy and relieved. Father was safe-my fears were groundless. When the male spoke again, I realized that it wasn't father. It was Jonathan Willows from across the way. At first I thought that I was mistaken- why would he be in your bedroom? I watched as he knelt between your legs and did things to you that weren't for a child to see. I watched you writhing on the bed like a paid slut..."
"You shouldn't have...." Samantha broke in weakly.
"I shouldn't have what?" Thorne roared, "Sought the comfort of my mother? Is that what you were going to say? Were you going to tell me that I shouldn't have left my bed? That I was too old to have such fears? The second time," he said his voice quieter, "was in the garden. You thought that we were gone for the evening, but I didn't go. I wanted to stay home and read. I saw you with your legs splayed open and giving yourself to someone who wasn't your husband! I didn't know that particular male, but it wouldn't have mattered if I had. I now understood what you were and are."
The color had drained from Samantha's face. She had no idea that her indiscretions had been witnessed by any of her sons. She hadn't been concerned with the household gossip- who would have believed them, but Thorne hadn't been one to tell tales. Even when he could have lied he never did. What she wanted to know was why he hadn't said anything.
"What good would it have done?" he asked. "You had father wrapped so tightly around your fingers that he wouldn't have believed me. From that very first time I saw you cheating on father, I decided that I hated women like you and my so called mate is a version of you."
There was a pregnant pause as mother and son looked at each other. Samantha was the first to break the silence.
"But yet you're here telling me about your mate and child. I don't understand."
"I didn't want you to find out about him from someone else," Thorne replied. "I also didn't want to deny him the opportunity to know his grandmother. As I said, if you want to be a part of his life; then you and I must come to some kind of understanding as to our relationship is. It will never be a normal relationship- it never was. I called you mother because I had to, I will still call you mother because that is what you are if only in the physical sense. I don't want you to say later that I didn't give you the opportunity to interact with your grandchild. I also don't want to teach him the things that I've done. I want to be able to teach him to respect all women no matter what they are. Right now- I can't do that."
"What is it that you want from me?" Samantha asked. "Do you want me to apologize and beg for forgiveness because you are having a child?
"I don't want or need your apologies," Thorne replied. "It's much too late for that. The question is how involved do you want to be in the life of your grandchild? The issue of respecting you is my issue and you need not concern yourself with it."
Samantha found it ironic that she had been thinking about grandchildren not long before Thorne's call. She supposed that she could look at it as an opportunity to do something right as she could no longer tell herself that she hadn't done her children harm. She had done them irreparable harm without realizing it. She now understood why Thorne had never been impressed with the lavish gifts that she equated with love. She looked at Thorne who was watching her with anger and dislike. Hatred was only a breath away. She realized that he had actually been more sensitive than Noel had been and that he was telling the truth when he said that he really didn't consider her his mother. Who had he considered a mother? She wondered.
"What do you need from me?" she asked again.
"Nothing," Thorne said. "I need nothing from you for myself. I only need the answer to the question I asked. If you choose not to be involved in the life of my son, then there is nothing else to say. I will continue my sessions with Eustace Matthews and move on."
"Will I meet your mate?"
"Why would you want to do that?" Thorne asked.
"I should meet the mother of my grandchild at least once don't you think?" Samantha asked.
"Again, why would you want to do that?" Thorne repeated.
"Because... I want to meet my grandson," Samantha replied. "Thorne, I know that I wasn't a good mother; but I did love you and the others..."
"Then why did you hate Noel so much? What did he do to earn your hatred? Even though he knew how you felt about him; he was concerned for you. He loves you even now although he knows that you didn't and don't love him."
"Noel," Samantha said after a long silence, "reminded me of your father in a way that you or your brothers didn't. Your father knew of the indiscretions, but looked the other way because as you know; appearances were important to him- especially where the Sinclaires' were concerned. That's why there were no repercussions for my indiscretions. But I felt that whenever Noel looked at me, he was silently judging me like your father did. It felt as if he could see every lie I told and every vow that I broke. Maybe he did and didn't realize it, but it was you who saw me as I truly was. It was you that was never impressed with the expensive gifts and trips to wherever you wanted to go. I'm only just realizing that my hatred was for the wrong child."
"He knew," Thorne murmured. "He knew that it was me that you should have hated, but he said nothing. He took your hatred upon himself just as he took the abuse that father heaped upon him once you began your affairs. I suggested that he also see Eustace Matthews or someone else of his choosing. He needs it just as much as I do. So tell me mother, how does it feel to know that you've fucked up at least two of your sons?" Thorne asked bitterly.
"So all of this is my fault?" Samantha asked angrily.
"Noel? Yes," Thorne replied, "although I will take some of the responsibility. It's as you told me before, on some level I knew what was happening and chose not to see it. You on the other hand, witnessed it and did nothing. You could have called me, but you didn't..."
"And I suppose that you would have come running?" Samantha asked sarcastically. "You left as soon as you could and never looked back. You abandoned your brothers. You were only here that night of the fight by coincidence. You stayed for as long as you did afterwards out of duty and for the sake of appearances. Why didn't you take Noel with you when you left?"
Thorne hesitated in answering. It was a valid question. Why hadn't he taken Noel with him? Then he knew- Noel wouldn't have gone. After the fight with the Sinclaires, he had been almost obsessive about Samantha's safety. But that didn't explain why he didn't at least make the offer.
"Yes I would have come," Thorne said. "And yes, I left as soon as I could because I could no longer watch the lie that you and father lived. That is why I cannot and will not stay with a woman that I don't love and who doesn't love me even though there is a child involved. Humans do it all of the time don't they? As far as why I stayed after father and the others died, I will admit that it was for the reasons that you stated. It was one of the few times that I cared about appearances. If it hadn't been for Noel, I would have left sooner than I did. I will also admit that I was at a point in my life where I didn't want to be bothered with anyone and unfortunately that included Noel. I wish that I had done things differently- there are many things that I wish that I could do differently."