tagHumor & SatireYes Master

Yes Master


I had just exited Lou's Bar, and was reaching for my gloves in the leather saddle bag, when I spotted her on the other side of the street, standing under a lamp post. She was staring at me like she was in need of something; maybe a meal for sex, or a ride somewhere. I wasn't sure. She couldn't have been more than twenty-five, six tops. She was petite little thing, maybe five-two, with a perfectly proportioned body. She reminded me of a Barbie doll adorned in leather. She had a suitcase in her hand.

"Something the matter?" I yelled over to her, a bit annoyed. She was giving me a hard on. After looking at her in that outfit, I'd have to go home and make it with Mary Palmender! I hadn't had any real pussy in over three weeks.

She just stood there and said nothing, so I climbed on my bike. She was a pipe dream, anyway. What the hell would someone that looked like her want with a forty-five year old, beer bellied, tattoo exhibit? Shit like that only happened in the movies.

I was about to kick it into low, but noticed her hurrying toward me, so I killed the motor. Probably looking for a ride to the bus stop.

"You lost? Need a ride somewhere?" As soon as she was near enough, I instantly felt sorry for her. Her eyes looked troubled, worried, forlorn, like a deserted puppy dog's.

"My master abandoned me."

"Your what?" Did I hear her right? No way. Somebody must've laced the bag of shit I bought the night before.

"My master."

Damn, I did hear her right. "What the hell are you talking about?" I was starting to think she was a couple bricks short of a load; probably escaped from the loony bin a few miles up the road.

"I am in search of a new master. One who will shelter me and feed me, and discipline me when I forget my place and contradict him; or fail to sate his every need, his every desire. A master who is powerful, and knows the importance of teaching his slave right from wrong, and is therefore worthy of her ownership. Do you wish to be my new master?"

Yeah, she was certifiable alright. "You need a place to stay? It's gonna get pretty cold out here tonight." So what if she was nuts? I had a strong hunch I wouldn't be wearing the skin off my hand when I got home.

I could see the 'Yes' in her big brown eyes and told her to hop on.


Once I got her inside my trailer, I looked around and realized the place was a dump. Funny it never occurred to me before. I started picking the dirty clothes off the floor, but she stopped me cold.

"A Master does not do menial chores." She began cleaning the place herself.

"There's an extra bedroom in the back." I told her. She looked at me, disappointed. Alone was the last thing she wanted.

"Oh! You, uh, want to sleep with me?" Yeah, someone laced the pot. I was hallucinating.

"Masters don't ask of their slaves." She informed me, lowering her eyes submissively to the floor. Evidently, telling her master his place in the hierarchy embarrassed her.

"Yeah okay, you take the side by the window. I'm not good at groping with my left hand."

"Yes master." She went back to her cleaning.

I grabbed a beer and clicked on the TV. Jerry Springer was on. Some three hundred pounder in spandex was trying to get at a skinny, braless skag, with a beaked nose, and a hairy wart on her left cheek. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. "You bleepidy-bleep, I'm gonna kick your bleeping ass! You ever touch my boyfriend again and I'll bleeping knife you!" I turned it off. Who wanted to look at that when Aphrodite, in skin tight leather, was bent over picking up dirty jeans off the floor?

She kept at it, and had the place looking halfway livable when she finally finished, an hour later.

"That was quick." I told her. Actually it was a miracle, but I didn't want to give her a big head.

She knelt before me and started untying my shoes. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Helping master to relax. Would master like his tired feet massaged?"

"No. Maybe later." I wasn't used to all the fuss. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Then she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and asked, as nonchalantly as you'd ask for a glass of water. "Would master like me to suck his cock?" My jaw fell open. Fucking A he would; Until it was in need of last rights!

But, I also wanted to pace myself, contemplate the possibilities; give my testicles a chance to swell to barbell status.

And what better way do that? "What do you say we do a joint first?"

I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and realized it was the master slave thing again. She was a stickler for detail.

"I mean... Get your ass over here and have some of this shit with me."

"Yes master."

After a couple of tokes, she turned toward me, and slipped a hand in my crotch.

"Does that please master?"

"I'll let you know in a few millennia, sweet thing..." She had me at attention quicker than it takes a politician to change his mind, and on the verge of blowing a big one in my Jockey shorts. I grabbed her hand and pulled it away.

"I didn't please my master?"

"You almost pleased master too much." I told her.

"Do you wish to discipline me now?"

"Sort of." Never did have any patience for contemplation. I undid my pants. It was time for her to do some master pleasing.

And, wouldn't you know it, some son of a bitch knocked on the door!

"Who is it?" I yelled.

"Jake! Can I come in?" He always knocked. It was one of his few good points.

"Does master want his cock sucked now?"

"You mean, in front of Jake?"

"Master is the master. His slave must obey, or be punished."

That didn't appeal to me in the least. When it came to sex, I liked my privacy. Beside, Jake might be thinking he'd be getting some. No way I was sharing this doll with him.

"No. The fucking guy's enough of a leech."

"Yes master."

"Come on in Jake."

"Mind if I grab a cold one?" He froze in his tracks when he spotted her, sitting so close to me I could feel the heat of her body through her leather pants.

"Sorry, I didn't know you had company."

"Yeah, grab a beer." I told him, hoping he'd turn around and leave with it. Fat chance. He was enjoying the eye candy too much.

"Would master like his slave to entertain his friend?" She whispered.

"What are you nuts?"

"I am sorry master. I have offended you. Perhaps master would like to discipline his slave in front of his friend, so she won't forget her place; that her duty is to her master only?"

I had a feeling that would turn her on, but Jake wouldn't be satisfied with just watching, not that I could blame him.

"If he sees me do that, I'll never get rid of him!"

"Discipline? How?" I almost missed that point. But like a faithful mascot it came running back to me, wagging its happy tail.

"I have a gift for you in my suitcase. A painful leather strap. I have other gifts too."

Wholly shit! She wanted me to beat her into submission. I had to get rid of Jake fast.

"As soon as he's gone." I assured her.

"Yes master."

Boy was she's going to get it!. I was going to beat her into a coma with seven inches of highly tempered fuck muscle; just as soon as I got through herringboning her sexy little ass.

Jake headed toward the easy chair. I cocked my head toward the door for him to leave. "Oh yeah, right. See you later."

I locked the door behind him and closed all the drapes, then headed to the junk drawer. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to find an eyebolt and screw it into a beam in the ceiling, in the center of the room. But it was worth it cause she was worth it.

She seemed pleased. "I've got some rope under the bed. Be right back." I was as nervous and excited as a kid about to pilfer a candy bar at McGregor's pharmacy.

When I returned she was standing beneath the eyebolt with her wrists together, stretched skyward, wearing nothing but a black thong. My dick was beginning to throb again.

All I wanted to do was drag her into the bedroom and use her for a pin cushion, but I had a feeling I'd regret it; that she'd leave and I'd never see her again. It was going to be either her way or the highway. I was starting to wonder who was really the master.

"You sure you wouldn't want to put your pants back on, for some protection?" I didn't want to hurt her.

"How is master supposed to properly discipline his slave if her flesh is protected?" She looked at the suitcase. "There are also other painful instruments in there, to assure my complete obedience. But first, tie me up so I won't shame you by running away in fear."

"Higher, so only my toes touch the floor. I'm sorry for telling master his business, and angering him into beating me even harder."

She didn't want me to hold back. I cinched her up good and tight, then tossed her suitcase on the coffee table and opened it, and rummaged around inside.

Some kind of weird clamps; probably for her nipples, or clit, or something. I had a better way of torturing those little suckers; with teeth, and lips, and tongue. There's more than one way to skin a cat, or heat a pussy to sizzling.

I would, however, be happy to shove the half foot long, dildo up her tight little asshole. That was a pain I'd feel quite comfortable inflicting, and had bit of previous hands on experience with.

There was a bunch of other weird shit in there too, but I couldn't figure out what it was for, in such a short time. I'd ponder their uses later. I was satisfied with what I had.

"Master won't use too much oil because master knows it will lessen the pain."

"And it was perceptive of you to notice that." I was starting to get into her game. "But don't tell master his place again, or the next time he'll shove a twelve inch telephone pole up your ass."

"I'm sorry master. It will never happen again. Perhaps master should intensify the discipline, teach me respect..."

"Telling master his business again?"

"I am sorry Master."

"Then shut up!" Her face was full of fear, but her eyes were lit up like the Forth of July, watching me grease the monkey. It was time to quit drooling over her body. I had work to do.

Regardless what she said, I lubed the rubber dick enough so it wouldn't do her physical harm. Besides, the damn thing was fatter than a motherfucker. It'd hurt dipped in a bucket of 90 weight gear oil.

I moved behind her and she lifted her legs off the floor to give me a clear shot home. I prayed the eyebolt held. If she fell from that distance it would hurt like hell, especially if the dildo was only halfway up her ass at the time.

I pressed the head of the rubber cock against her asshole firmly, and twisted it back and forth, like I was trying to work an awl through a piece of tough leather, and was soon rewarded for my effort; a near coronary. Man, that woman could scream!

"You alright?" I asked, running around to make sure she was okay. There were tears streaming down her face, dragging her black mascara along for the ride. She reminded me of clown I'd seen in some old horror movie. She wasn't faking it. She was in excruciating pain.

"Want me to take it out?" I was worried I'd really hurt her.

"A slave must learn her place. Shove it in all the way, until it disappears."

"Whatever you say, honey." Once I had it buried beyond belief, she lowered her legs and clamped them together tight, and muscled the exit closed, thus preventing Mr. Dildo a slippery retreat. She was a sucker for punishment.

"That's got to hurt something awful." I said, hoping she didn't detect the hint of humor in my voice. "You still want me to use the strap on you?"

"A slave must learn her place."

"Yeah, you said that already. Okay, here goes." I stepped behind her and laid one across the cheeks of her ass, but not too hard. I didn't want to hurt her any more than she already was. In hindsight, though, I think my bigger fear was that she'd lose control of her bodily functions and launch Sputnik II across my white shag rug.

She barely winced!

"Poor master. His arm is so weak he can not discipline his slave properly." She was scolding me, calling me a goddamned wimp, because I showed her mercy!

I didn't make that mistake the next time. I figured if it hurt bad enough, she'd let me know and; fuck the rug!

"Ow! Master is so strong, so forceful! Ow!"

Yeah, she liked it. She liked it a lot. It was like I was standing on a transporter pad one moment, and outside of Calamari's fish market the next. She was a powerful girl. I had to hurry up and wear her down. Any more strong stimulus like that and I'd be cleaning out my shorts.

Her pain level impressed me. My arm felt like it was about to fall off when she finally she cried uncle.

"Slave now knows her place." She whimpered, "Please master, no more pain, please! I'll obey."

Finally! All that awaited was ecstasy; or so I thought. I probably shouldn't even mention the dildo, and its eventual extrication, or the mechanics involved in removing it. But let me at least say this, my worries about her bodily functions were unfounded. The damn thing was super glued up there!

We must have made quite a picture; her bent over the back of my easy chair, and me with my mag flashlight and a set of cooking tongs. After nearly half an hour of probing, I finally got the damn thing out of her, and hobbled her to the couch, thinking I'd be getting nothing that night. She was in pretty bad shape.

But she was young, and healed quickly. Fifteen minutes later, to my astonishment, she asked me, "Does master want his cock sucked now?"

"You serious? I mean, aren't you in pain? Say, don't think I should take you to the emergency room to make sure there isn't any hemorrhaging up your asshole?"

"No master. I'll be fine. The pain is starting to go away."

"Bet you never worry about constipation." She didn't hear my words of wit. She was in pleasure mode. The only thing on her mind by then was; Sex, sex, and more sex.

"Does master want the joy of my mouth now?"

"Later you can suck me off, honey. Right now I'm partial to putting a few hard miles on the bedsprings."

"Yes master."


That was over a year ago. I've learned a lot since then; like how to inflict the most pain while causing the least amount of physical damage, and; never try to force ten pounds of shit into a five pound bag. And never, ever try to remove a dildo with a sharp instrument, especially when its beyond sight. Oh yeah, and always use the tongs with the rounded ends. They don't hurt as much. Thank God she was in a better state of mind than me. I could have killed her with that filleting knife.

"Master! Master! May his slave come now? Please Master!"

Yeah, she had to ask me permission to come. Cool huh? I fucked her a awhile longer without answering. I decided I'd wait until her discomfort level elevated itself to a certifiable torture status before giving her the okay.

"Yeah, go for it baby." What can I say, I'm a softy.

She closed her eyes and her body began to shudder deliciously. "Oh, thank you master! Ooooooooooooh... Ooooooooooooh... Thank you... Master... Thank you..."

Man, that girl could come! It's amazing what a little leather and mental torture can do for the libido.

Sure, she eats all my goddamned food, and takes up all my precious time, but somebody has to take care of her. She's as nutty as a fruit cake!

"You missed a goddamned spot on my hog! Get your ass inside and find me my rope and strap."

"Yes master."

It's a tough job being her master, but somebody has to do it.

"And grab the dildo while you're at it! I'm in an especially pissy mood today... The little one!"

"Yes Master."

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