All Comments on 'I Will Never Be Loved Ch. 02'

The flow of your writing is fine. When you mess up your tenses and don't change misspelled words, it makes for a rough read. There are editors on this site. Btw, "thirdly, there are many chapters to this story." is what you should have typed.

Incredibly unlikable. Maybe I missed something in my reading, but doesn't she just have to stay with them until she leaves for school? How is that ruining her life and making all her plans fall apart? She's still going to school, maybe she's written angsty and dramatic because she's a teenager. I understand her not wanting him to call her pet names, but thinking of correcting him to let him know she's not beautiful, seriously?!?

Maybe you could be a little descriptive with your characters. The cowboy is super general and could look like anything, and all we know about Danielle is that she's overweight and considers herself lighter than darker.

I don't usually leave comments but I wanted you to know how much I am enjoying your story. The flow of it is really nice and the plot is something different then what you normally see here which is great!! Great job!! By the way don't let the so called self proclaimed "critics" distract you, do your thing!

Danielle is going through some things which is understandable but she need to stop feeling sorry for herself. Everything seem to be good so far. If she want to be independent and survive on her own she need to refocus that anger into more positive thoughts. It is too tiring and she will be lonely keeping to herself and being mad at the world.

this story is interesting, and I will follow it. That being said a good grammer check program and spell check will improve it from a 4 to a 5

Sl2, don't let the petty criticisms get you down. To quote the great composer Sibelius "No one builds monuments to critics!" And then he'd smack the asshole over the head with a heavy beer stein. A fine Finn indeed!

As for the childish delusions of the académiquists to dictate your writing...spellcheck and other word replacing functions are coded by homophone-phobic, illiterate programmers. Frankly & Ernestly I enjoy the intellectual effort of punny errors and comedic word play abusing the language.

As for how you post your stories, is your choice. Myself, I have come to the conclusion that I prefer to take the extra time and post a story in it's entirety. That has become my preference.

I look forward to your future stories and please remember, you have a staunch supporter and defender in your corner.

If I didn't like the story, I would have stopped reading it a long time ago. I made a few suggestions and that makes me a bad person? Great writers, have editors.

One thing: mulatto is a very outdated, racist term. People nowadays say: "mixed race". No mixed race person would refer to themselves as mulatto. Otherwise, nice job, but you shouldn't get so defensive about criticism. As a fellow writer, I can tell you that it only makes you better to listen with an open mind. the story may be good but since none of us are perfect, there's always room for improvement. Best of luck.

If some do not like your writing style. ...then they should read something else.

I am looking forward to reading this story. This is a great start. I love BBW and them finding true love. I am sure there will be some obstacles along the way but great start. What other website did you publish this on!

I really like this, gave this chapters 5 stars. I think Dannielle should give her Aunty a chance. I know that she's now moved to the country from the city and that this whole

change has ruined her big plans, but she just has to believe that this move can be good for her. Also her Aunty isn't coming across as a mean cow she seems pretty cool and she's trying her best. Anyway can't wait to read more love that there will be another 30 plus chapters lol so I reckon we'll see Dannielle grow and get it on with Mr. Cowboy Luke haha :-)

I don't believe that anyone is trying to change your writing style, but there are grammatical and spelling errors that take away from the reader's ability to stay immersed in your story.

Also, while I understand you have completed this story on another site, maybe consider packaging your submissions to this site with 2 of those chapters at a time. People on this site are typically used to slightly longer installments and it puts this audience off when they're given only small bites of your story at a time.

Please consider taking advantage of the editor program. Honest critiquing can only help you grow as a writer. I understand that you're pretty young and it can feel like an attack in the beginning, but even the best writers have faced some pretty tough critiques. They only serve to strengthen your pieces.

Last thing, I would recommend putting your "author's note" at the beginning and letting people upfront know that there's no sex in your chapters. It chases off the people only looking for sex.

Best of luck in all of your writing endeavors.

Reads like a wattpad story not to mention age of the MC. :) You'll find differences in the audience here, but typically a more loyal fan base with a greater attention span. I think you should definitely post two chapters combined since longer chapters are expected here, and post an A/N at the beginning to let folks know there's a slow build up to any sex. Slow burners are very accepted here, you just have to let folks know in advance. Yes there's some typos/errors, but honestly I didn't find an obnoxious level of them. However the audience here is generally less forgiving of that and it will impact your ratings. Overall good start, and interested to read more.

I agree with the other poster. As a mixed person, I'd never use mulatto. It's old and is just a little insulting. Otherwise, I like where you're going. Edit your work first before you submit. Their is possesive; there is a place.If you're dyslexic, get a friendly editor to help.

Don't stop writing. Every story is a start.