All Comments on 'Bound'

I'm not a fan of the "you" format. I'm a hetero woman so being told my cock did such and such just jars me right out of the story. I don't have a cock, don't want one and don't want to bury anything in your mouth. MIght be a good idea to change it to "he" and "his". The switching of tenses doesn't help either. The writing is not bad at all, but could use a little editing.

In a way I agree with anonymous about the format. Whilst you have a flare for detail, I think it would have read better if the "you" was replaced.

Otherwise it's a nice read.

I liked the story knowing it is your fantasy and that's how you describe it. You start by saying you want to please me more than anything else. By describing the whip that's on the table with the toys, you would tell the readers I have a dark side that just might enjoy punishing you if you don't perform to my satisfaction.

Then, you go on to describe everything about you and nothing about how my arousal grows as I take over your being and use you for my pleasure. After all, my pleasure IS your pleasure. As I get harder and more excited in your throat you know your submission to me is pleasing. I will use you because it excites both of us. Part of my excitement then is going to be pushing you to your oral limits so you should tell your audience how I enjoy making you gag on my erection as I thrust and hold down your throat. After all, it's all about you bringing out the barbarian in me that wants to use you without any concern for your well being. If it amuses me to choke you on my stiff dick, that's what I will do. Remember, there's a whip on the table that beckons to you. The whip will make you suffer if you fall short. Seeing you writhe in pain while tied to the door as the stinging leather rat tail punishes your nervous system will make up for your lack of talent as a slave. In all, you will do your job whether it's because you're good at it or because you get punished for your lack.

Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them.

The reason I used the "you" format was that the story was requested by my boyfriend. He encouraged me to publish it on our blog and, since I want to make a go of writing for profit eventually, I thought I'd put it up here to get some feedback.

I hope I get a lot more!!

I didn't consider how jarring the format would be for women to read and I'm glad you mentioned it. From now on I'll make sure it's in a reader-friendly format.

I also really appreciate the feedback on giving the other person's perspective. I will be sure to include that in future stories.