All Comments on 'Chinese Takeout Ch. 04'

Chloe, you are painting a delightful story. The word pictures and the excitement and emotions of a young woman feeling swept off her feet has been superb.

Lue

Chloe, where to begin with the comments? This is just so enjoyable to read. Love the detail, love the way you're developing Jay-Lin and Keith's characters, as well as the others making appearances. Quebec. Olaf. Ginny. The Chua bitch. Just beautiful. Keith's Loft - I can picture it in my mind. Those photos on your Pinterest Board help as well. The sex!!! I think that's one of the best BJ scenes I've ever enjoyed and what a lead in. Mind-blowing. Loved this chapter and now I can't wait for the next chapter. This doesn't usually happen to me but I'm hooked on this story. Speaking for myself, and having read your comments here and there about self-publishing, when you get round to getting a book published, I'll be there buying it.

Giving this five stars and wishing I could give it six, Or ten. Well done.

I really can't say enough about your stories. I've been a voracious reader all my life. You keep me hoping that there will be just one more page to read, and when I get to the end, I can't wait for the next installment! Even without the sex, your story is wonderful. It's like you reached into my brain and figured out the girl who would be the most attractive to me. Thank you for sharing your hard work with us. You're wonderful.

Steve

All of the things the others said.

Plus...

Switching voices from character to character is very difficult to do, but you are doing it so very well.

Your writing style is changing/growing from Chapter 1 'til now: descriptions are richer, actions are so easy to picture...and the plot thickens....

Now, sadly, I have to wait for the next installment.

I like your characters, be careful to make it believeable... meeting the parents may be very tramatic and could be handled many ways... I like to think Keith could be as hero first before the parents find out also a lover or vice versa... excited to find out how you write it... noticed your spell check lost a few (off) obviously edited to (of)

Oh, the parental meeting will be traumatic and dramatic when it happens, but it's a couple of chapters away yet. Chapter 5 is all about Jay-Lin's Saturday with Round Out and there' s a lot to cover, including Jay-Lin's third ride on the back of Round Out's Harley and introducing Keith to her older sister Sally and her brother-in-law Brody. Then there's the nosy neighbors next door (the Purvis's), And a lot more....plus the sex of course. There's always the sex....

And for those comments and ratings, thankyou again everyone, I really appreciate that feedback in so many ways as it really lets me know how I'm doing. Really happy you're enjoying this - I know it's not quite the usual Literotica fare - more of a draft novel in installments with a low ratio of sex to story - I'll try to keep the chapters a bit shorter and coming faster moving forward. I did say "try" mind you.....

Thankyou again everyone ....... Chloe

Wonderful story that sucked me in - did as you suggested and went right from Chapter 1 all the way through after I started reading this. Now looking forward to reading all your other pieces. You've got a very real talent for this.

Thanks for posting this, Chloe, glad you're still writing. I've been waiting for this for the past four months, but I can see there's a lot here to enjoy, so I've got to get back to reading.

You must have such patience to develop this fabulous story so delicately and slowly. You certainly don't write "Wam-Bam" stuff and I love it!

Can't wait for the next chapter . . .

Impressive in more than one way, as usual. Thank you.

In particular, I love the white van thing. Hilarious! Just one example of your attention to detail, humor and the creation of context.

Loving the intercultural dynamics you capture in your writing. Brings back many fond memories of the early days of mine and my wife's relationship. ;-)

Enjoying your attention to detail in the fight-training too.

Keep em coming!

TT

Wow!++++

Chloe,

Great job, I'm loving the series you got a 5 from me for each section. The work you put into the characters and the detailed descriptions of their lives is awesome and please don't change that. The pace is perfect, I don't think it's too slow or too fast. I'm enjoying the training detail as well reminds me of a few instructors I know. I have experience in that field, as I am lucky enough to have multiple family members that are instructors for military and private sector.

I am glad that each chapter is of nice length, it gives the reader the time to slip into your world and really picture what's going on. Many writers on here write many one page chapters instead of fewer longer chapters or posting two chapters at a time. The readers just barely get to the point that they can envision what is going on and the writer ends the chapter. I am also working on a story myself and it will be posted on here at some point,it is becoming a huge story. I like to write the whole thing and then when done post it in chapters every day or two. I do it this way because as a reader I hate having to wait till the next installment. Reminds me of the old radio or television programs they used to have years ago. They let you hanging even more so then the current series on tv do each week.

I love the fact that you put Gewürztraminer in as one of the wines, I love it myself as well as a good Riesling. If you like fruity wines try Carlo Rossi's Muscato Sangria. As a chef I love when people put food into their stories and let us relive the moment they enjoyed the dishes prepared for them.

I'm also enjoying the detail of the MC life and I thank you and Round Out for writing this story and I'm also glad it's not a 1%er story. Lets just say I have tons and tons of experience at 1% and I'm glad your not glorifying it. Being in an MC is one thing but the other leads to no where.

I found your story yesterday and read all of it thus far between yesterday and today. Thanks again for writing this story and I do hope we don't have to wait long to get more.

Shawn

Thankyou everyone for reading this and for commenting. I'm so appreciative that you've all enjoyed it so much. When you're writing to entertain and for others to enjoy, it means so much when that comes to fruition and you write a story that everyone likes so much. So thanks again for reading, for commenting on this series and for rating it so highly. There's a lot more of "Chinese Takeout" to come and hopefully it'll just get better (and hotter) as I go ..... Chloe

I've been reading the comments at the end here. Everyone is noticing your character development, on all fronts. You have a lot of talent.

Longer chapters = better chapters. The training scene is mindblowingly good. Pro tip, plz dont describe the contents at the start of EACH chapter. If the sex scenes are in the long haul rather than sooner then one tip about that before 1st chapter would be enough. Spoilers at the start of each chapter are not always good since they .. spoil the plot. Surprises are better, even more since each chapter gets erotic scenes anyway.

PS Dont laugh but me beying from Poland EU made me think that all asian teens have more or less martial art basics in schools :)

5/5

The sex scene was definitely hot but my favorite part was when Olaf took JayLin on his delivery run. Very funny.

It's plain this series and you have many fans and I like your writing. This is probably a minority view among your fans but I think your stories would be better if you were able to edit them down in size. I'm not talking about giving no or little descriptions like some advocate or not developing your characters and getting into their head and letting the reader know their motivations and such. But to give every detail about training session, every course of dinner, etc can be a bit much.

I'm not sure how many words are in each chapter but it's been a week in story time and at this rate this story may rival some novels like War and Peace in length if we follow the characters for a few months. Again I like your writing and that's just my two cents so take it for what it's worth.

r5

Hi rutger and thx for that feedback. Wordiness is something I'm debating. On the one hand it's a weakness and on the other hand that's how I like to write and there's pros and cons either way. I'm kind of inclining towards the wordiness (try reading Laurel K Hamilton's Mereditg Gentry series, where one book covers 24 hours ....) but with a lot of editing and tightening up when I rewrite this. I read back and there's a lot of improvements to be made to pick up the pace and accelerate the plot and cut down on the repetition and boredom quotient. Really, I kind of treat this as a good first draft so those comments are really appreciated.

Different folks different strokes. Unlike rutger5, I really enjoy the more extensive descriptions.

I'm enjoying the wry humour and irony you use. Reading in the voice of a female Asian teenager is somewhat of a stretch for me - but I'm in there!

Ofloff -- just us it instead of of/off because I'm not sure you're not randomly guessing anyway.

I apologize, I couldn't resist. I have the same problem with its and it's, but I'm working on mine. A couple of times you meant to say 'off of' and wrote 'of off.' It would be funny if it weren't so jarring. Serious suggestion: When you're done writing, use search and look at every single occurrence and make sure you're getting it right. It will be a tedious and annoying hour, but well worth it.

So beyond the F fetish, I really like this story. As with most of your stories, I think you could pare it down a ways without losing anything. You have a lot of repetition. The he knew, she knew he knew, etc thing is cute once in a while, but you use it too much. The same thing with her becoming mindless a half dozen times in every orgasm. I get it, it was great, but consider dropping a lot of that repetition for "she came back to herself and smiled at him" or something.

Thank you, Chloe, for this story. Please, do not delete a word. I love your writing.

I cannot imagine the research you put into this story, the strip club, stocking the condom machines, the bikers, the handle (Baby Blue) etc. Actually I do imagine, but only late at night in the darkness of my room. Thank you.

Richard

plurals, NO apostrophes: there were two susans at the party.

possessives, always: susan´s lips were made for cock.

fix that, it's elementary (the apostrophe in ´it's´ is in the contraction for it is).

this is the gist of it (but not all).

that said, you write very well. you make me waste a lot of time!

thanks.

As ever Chloe, you write brilliantly. I love Chinese Takeout, probably my favourite stories on Literotica

I hope you and your family are well

Very best regards,

Steve xx

Really enjoying this series. I can’t read it fast enough. Just glad I don’t have to wait for the next chapter! You have a great gift for description and detail that brings the story to life. I will be following your work.

I know what Literotica is for and your sex scenes are … nice. But as a father of an 18 yo woman, I worry for your main character. She gets in a fight, lies about it, dumps her friends, all for a man twice her age whom she doesn’t know.

I know the power of love and lust. I’ve never had my parent come to the fore like this over a story. In part, it’s a tribute to your skill as a writer that I have feelings for her and her parents.