All Comments on 'Amy's Urges Ch. 03'

It's REALLY distracting to have a story go from third to first person and back again in 2 paragraphs!! Plus, spelling DOES matter--- Sam is NOT the same as 'same'! The story reads like you had multiple drafts, one done in first person and one in third, and you ended up mashing them together.... Plus, the characters make no sense.... Amy's all excited about her evening in the beginning then when she gets there, the story reads like she has no real clue how the evening will go. Sorry..... NOT a good one.

Thanks for the feedback. I am still new to writing, I did miss a few things as I went back the final time for editing, I will make sure to pay much more attention to detail my next story through. As far as the different perspectives, I apologize didn't catch that. I write for short periods of times and come back too it off and on and for some reason seems I went into first person at times.

Promise to do better in the future ^. ^

While I largely agree with the criticism below, please don't let that discourage you. You will improve. Apart from that I really like the story and your fetishistic leanings. Particularly the descriptions of Amy's fat ass, heavy sagging tits and attentions lavished upon them.

The criticism can be heeded and appropriate changes made however, you hit this section out of the ball park. Very hot particularly Amy and Ally's interaction with Amy confessing to Ally and Ally taking full charge and forcing her mom to her knees so Amy could worship Ally's "big" ass. I've said it before, please don't get discouraged and keep this wonderful story going. The best part is the interaction with Ally dominating Amy which is so sexy for some reason. You could write many more chapters involving Amy and Ally; plus in time having the second oldest discover her mom's submissiveness and taking advantage of Amy sexually. Making Amy her pet along with Ally. You've really got a hot, sexy, story going here that you can easily develop into a story series. The possibilities are endless however, Sam's involvement should be kept to a minimum unless you bring out that Sam is a submissive also and is dominated by Ally.

The possibilities are endless, keep this one going and develop other stories along this line i.e. mother/daughter sex with daughter dominating. Gave you a 5 for these chapters.

I think it's a great story. Over time you will be a natural in writing. I love the mother daughter . The mother submitting to daughter excellent. I do have one naughty question Will the other daughters be submitting or take part in the controlling mother???????????

Great story, loved it from beginning to end!