All Comments on 'Mom Named Barbie Ch. 01'

try to go slowly to the intercourse, not very fast, the charecter should do habituated with some openness with each other, seducing each other, not to hurry to the intercourse, mom should be objecting sexual offence but with some real argument she should be agree to do some stuff, after habituating this, slowly they should cross the boderlines, go ahead.

after what mom did and the result in the death of dad, i feel its IMPOSSIBLE for reconcilliation between mom and son: It's rediculous any kind of relation could folow. i stopped reading after the first page.

The Cunt (Mother) has Self-Esteem & Insecurity issues, which results in her cheating on the only man (husband) who ever loved and cherished her, just so she can explore her promiscuity.. Her actions from her new identity has obvioulys impacted not only her Husband life but her son also. Thus resulting in the father falling into a deep depression to the point of Suicide.. (In reality this type of shit isn't as uncommon as it sounds)

I find it difficult to comprehend that the son would ever reconcile differences with his mother EVER!! She definately doesn't deserve her sons forgiveness.. Had he held out longer for her depression to set in much deeper, I'm certain she would've taken her own life also..

You could definitely use an editor though. A second pair of eyes to help catch things that you miss. It's easy to get so used to seeing what you wrote, that certain things don't stand out as much as they would for someone reading it for the first time. One thing in particular is the gratuitous use of semi-colons. Almost every time it is used incorrectly. It does not stand in for a comma. One good trick is to alternately pretend one side is missing. Does the sentence still make sense? Then the semi-colon was probably used correctly. If it no longer makes sense, then what you really want is a comma. That's pretty simplified, but it's a start.

You use it correctly here: " I don't want to embarrass you but I also want to make this night special for you; the twenty-first birthday is a significant occasion. "

However, it is used incorrectly here: " Yes, a little; but I understand. "

Incorrect here: " Jay was just getting into the core classes for his engineering major, this combined with the responsibilities of having his own home to take care of left him with little time for a social life; even though the offers from girls continued. "

One last incorrect example: " Jay did not realize what a twenty-first birthday actually meant; but Barbara knew and she wanted to make it memorable for him. "

That was something that broke the flow of reading for me, every time it popped up.

I do think the story looks like it will be a great read though!

In looking for the next chapter of the story I couldn’t help but notice that the first chapter is in the non-erotic section and the next 24 chapters are under the heading of incest/taboo. Since that fetish really isn’t my cup of tea I’ll just cut my losses here and move on to another story. I’ll let other readers have all the enjoyment of the rest of this story.

You got me going .... Its a nice story 😍

I hated the mother character from after the father died I stop reading after that hope it gets better I will read this chapter my father went through the same thing died a Broken Man I refused to let my mother come to the funeral we have not spoken for almost 40 years