All Comments on 'Unexpected Ch. 07'

Well, it seems alot has happened in one chapter, my brain is still trying to catch up. Perhaps a little warning would have been nice but i'm still glad the story is progressing even though it's really confusing now hahaha

I'm enjoying this story so far and am interested to see where things may go in the future.

That being said, the last two chapters seem to be adding more confusing plot points with little resolution. A big part of that is the fact that so far, these characters are missing any significant motivation to make their actions believable. Why did Callen, whose best friend and brother are both gay, hide his sexuality from Tracy? At what point did Callen and Jase begin their affair - we know that Jase flirted with Tracy after Callen and Sasha met, so where does Jase's "relationship" with Callen fit on the timeline? Why would Jase shut Tracy out when Tracy has ostensibly been nothing but a good friend to him? Why would Alex and Tracy not address the elephant in the room with regards to Sasha's statements? Why would Alex completely ghost Tracy, whom he claimed to care deeply about? What's Tracy been doing for the past year aside from raising Ace? Where's he been living? Why would Jase leave Benny with Tracy with absolutely no explanation of who the kid is or belongs to (especially considering Tracy's previous relationship with Alex), instead of taking Benny with him to pick up Cory?

I can't speak for other readers but I would've liked the answer to at least one of these questions instead of the lengthy information about Ace's backstory or the extended exchange regarding Father Paul (who we don't actually see in the chapter, thereby rendering that scene involving telling him about the accident and begging for his help superfluous). As I said before, I look forward to seeing how things develop in future chapters.

Nope, lost this reader, too much in one chapter, it was rushed for the amount of stuff that happens, its not fair on the reader to jump 12 months ahead without telling us why they all blame Trace and suddenly Cal is gay, Alex has a son old enough to tlk yet it's only been 12 months, so he wasted no time fucking a baby into a woman after claiming to be gay and love Trace. This started out good, but the story has gone way down hill.

I really appreciate that you have an editor that checks your stories. It's so annoying to read otherwise promising stories that are illegible for all the grammatical and other errors. At the same time I wish you won't leave us hanging with the cliffhanger for long. I'm intrigued to see what's next. Good job.

It feels like I missed a chapter.......a lot going on

This story has the bones of something interesting (that would explain why many of us keep coming back). We're hopeful that the pensive uncertainty and confusion will ease out and the meat of the story will come to light. However, the short chapters (made only more frustrating by the mind-whipping cliffhangers) and the bizarre interactions between the characters themselves that seem unmotivated and unusual leave me disappointed.

Sometimes the reader can't help but invest in a story he can insert himself in. The beginning had that; the tragedy and brotherly love spun a comfortable web that got wilder and less cohesive and sometimes even cruel. Maybe the genius is in that we're still here, feeling for Tracy and frustrated on his behalf but confused by everything.

I would really appreciate longer chapters (your duty is to your readers, not your editor) and some untangling would really help.

I don't know whether to be pissed on Tracy's behalf, seeing as how he was essentially iced out by everyone including his brother when all he tried to do was help and having everyone continue living their lives, making babies, falling in love and leaving him in that space. Nor do I know if i should be excited by Jace's affections towards Callum (the events surrounding their affair left a sour taste in my mouth).

I really hope this gets progressively more interesting and less messy.

Sorry for the lengthy message.

WTF. Seriously you went from such a great story to this? I'm not trying to be harsh but I was really really enjoying the story line and that cliff hanger last chapter had such great potential, but this chapter is horrible. There's too much missing you could've explained about that year and then drop a hell of a bomb shell with this chapter. None of them wanted to talk to Tracy but he leaves for a year but once Tracy leaves the rest all make good friends with each other? Why didn't any of them contact Tracy in that year? Ugh

Story lost its touch and now has no direction. I feel like nothing is carefully thought of anymore. Just fillers, touch and go

Brothers Callen and Tracy were so close to each other. How is it possible that Tracy had left him for a year? And for what reason? Why Callen has allowed it? It does not make sense.

This is the most fucked up story EVER!

I think that you are immature and are not able to write something meaningful.

WTF????? You are missing a chapter here. No decent editor would have allowed you to post this hot mess as a chapter. However, apparently your editor has you convinced that their job is a LOT harder and more time consuming than it actually is, so what can you expect fromthem?

(FYI I am also an editor)

You had a great story going, despite the ridiculously short chapters.

Ab

He must be very young and with low self-esteem.

Definitely he needs to improve the English.

A little bit of positive reinforcement here. Id rather want you to post a chapter once a month than putting out 2 chapters a week just to please us. Write at your own pace and get to know your characters a little bit better to give them life and personality. You were on the right track the first few chapters but u totally lost me on this one, sorry. I hope you bounce back from this and become a much better writer. Dont give up. :)

This story has degenerated into a messy day time drama. It had shown so much promise, don't know what the author was thinking, I feel so let down. None of these characters bear any resemblence to how they started out. Callen was such a supportive brother, Jase a good friend and Alex a lover. We are led to believe they just went on with their lives without reaching out to Tracy? Totally unbelieveable! (and how did Tracy find out about his brothers accident if there was no contact and he wasn't listed as next of kin). I was hard pressed to give it 2 stars.

First of all, why don't we give the author some lattitude to continue with the plot twist before we start slinging crap at her. Everyone is being pretty harsh and far from encouraging. Since when do people complain so venomously about short chapters?And give her some slack about her level of writing ffs!! She hasn't had the benefit of a full academic education and considering that, I'd say she's pretty damn brave to be posting stories here and she's doing pretty well too. I, for one, am really enjoying this story so far! So lay off and be encouraging, okay?

I am enjoying this story very much and look forward to more chapters. Don't take these negative comments to heart. If you read this you see that no chapter is missing as you have outlined the past year in Tracy's thoughts. Good job!

Is just that characters started in a way (I.E Callum) and from 1 chapter to the next one he's a new totally different character (and i don't mean that in the gay way [i mean yeah.. it does bugs me a little bit, but only the fact that he felt the need to hide that from Trace], but him would never leave Tracy alone, and leave for a year...? yeah sure!)

And the whole Alex thing... really?

I like the story. And yes, the short chapters are irksome, but I really like where this story is going. Also, don't take on the negative crap comments left here. There is utter utter rubbish on this site and yours is so far from it.

So keep going. Keep writing. Don't let these people get you down.

All the best.

Sergio Ben

I can see that the author thought they covered their bases, but clearly they did not.

A.) Brother that say "I love you" everytime they part, even briefly, don't just stop interacting without a hell of a lot more than a drunken bimbo's ranting,, makes nosense.

B.) Tracy's leaving showed him to be selfish, immature and bratty. First time his brother was obviously in a bad place and he just takes off! Unforgivably non-supportive of a brother who was devoted to him and his wellbeing.

C.) What did Tracy do all year?

Did he play Hockey?

Did he get a job?

Did he go to school?

Did he see his Mom?

Did he have a relationship? One nighters?

Did he think about anyone but himself?

Did he even tell Callum or anyone else he was running away?

Did he really want to pray for a brother he abandoned?

Or was he just looking to latch onto more nurturing?

Did Tracy plan on taking care of his dog if Jase didn't show up?

Was Callum driving?

Was anyone else injured?

How and When did the accident happen?

How did Tracy find out about it?

D.) Why was Callum crying?

What happened then?

What happened the next day?

Did anyone comfort Callum?

Or was he just left in his misery alone?

I liked the story very much before it ran off the rails.

Ab

Oh hell no, were is the rest.

Finally i see someone that agrees with me in the Brothers part xD

And yeah.. what Tracy did was selfish, seeing his brother like that and then just leaving is awful (but that shows how character are so not what they were on the first chapters and that was not too long ago),

In my opinion, if I were you I'd find a new editor, he is not helping you at all, he should have said that this chapter makes no sense after the last ended the way it did. An editor is more than just fixing spelling, grammar and punctuation. Continuity is a thing you have to look at in a story. Does the behavior of the characters in this chapter fit the characters you've built up it previous chapters? No they don't. For brothers who are supposedly devoted to each other they abandon each other. All other characters stopped talking to Trace, including his brother, no wonder he left. But still it doesn't fit.

There was also far too much going on in this chapter and it was rushed. Another thing your editor should have pointed out. Don't let him dictate how long your chapters should be. Short ones break the flow of a story, like others have said. I'd rather wait a month for a longer chapter than get these rushed chapters that make no sense at.

Dont lusten to neg. Nellies, they are still reading ut and so am i...GOOD JOB4

Yeah we do keep reading (at least i do) bc we want to see this autor (and others) improve in what they do, with people just going "gr8 chapter fam, thnx 4 the update mate" are nice? maybe... but they don't help the autor when stories take this weird turn that make readers confused with the story.

Maybe it looks "pushy"(?) for other readers but we're just trying to help get a story with a good start back on track, bc right now is just a mess

I feel bad for Trace-his so called family were assholes. Especially his brother. And that Jase is fake. Alex was out of order.

These have 2 be longer mate. Much longer-you've got talent but these are too short.

This comment pertains more to the previous chapter but why are all of the characters gay? This makes the story less realistic.

I have been enjoying this story but there seems to be something missing.

We have gone from Alex and Tracey being in love to Tracey having moved away for seemingly no reason...yes i know Sasha said stuff but at the end of chapter 6 all was good between everyone.

And a tear has passed but there is a toddler?

It *is* realistic for everyone to be gay. In real life, people tend to "clump up" with others who have similar life experiences. That holds doubly true if the common factor causes you to be assigned a minority status in the mainstream society.

Also, for gay people ...other gay people are our dating pool. Despite what you read in the GM section of Lit, most straight men are not secretly bi-curious and thirsting for some cock.

Those are the reasons the GLBT community exists, with our own bars, bookstores, resource centers and "gayborhoods".

Bit confused with what has happened who the hell is the child

I guess you really did know what you were doing using that name as the title of the series, huh?

really nothing you write is what readers expect. I hope this story ends well for every character.

Waste of time for me to read your unexpected story.

She'll explain what happened. It's called a 'cliffhanger'. I might add that nothing in real life is ever so neat as it is in many of the stories on Litero, and what Tracy did (after weeks of trying to find out from everyone and getting stonewalled) makes just as much sense IN REAL LIFE as anything else he would have done. If it was me and I suddenly learned that everyone in my life was lying to me, including the two most important people to me, and then, when I tried to get them to explain themselves, I found out they weren't even going to tell me anything, then I'd perhaps tell them all to get fucked for awhile too. Actually, something similar did happen to me and my first instinct was to leave them all behind and never contact anyone again, that's how much it hurt.

But if all anyone ever wants on here are predictable HEA stories that follow a formula, well then maybe this isn't the forum for writers to truly explore their craft.

1- This (the last 3 chapters or so) are not "Cliffhangers"... they're just messy and not planned at all.

2- Agree with the IRL stuff bc i'm also like that, but then again in that sutiation i would at least make sure my brother/sister is ok before i leave or tell them to fuck off xD

And 3- You say this is not "predictable" it is, very... the main character gay friend that wanted to date the main character (Jase) ends up with the main character "Straight" Best friend or Brother.

- Not having problems entering into a relationship (Alex & Tracy) means that right after they make it "official" they're going to find a problem and split up for a little while.

- Ofc the abused main character (Alex) and also him having a crush on his "savior" (Callen)

I get the feeling you're just making this up as you go along.

I have the same felling. It had good start but it seems now that the autor is just taking ideas from whatever and just adding them to the story without thinking how they would affect past chapter and future ones.

The autor needs to take time and think how they really want this story to go, don't go rushing things bc you feel you need to update for us (readers) also don't start adding weird stuff to make it "Exciting" and "New" bc it doesn't work.

@BNDMTL think of the story from chapter 1 till the last one or close, make small notes on how you want each chapter to go, that way you wont add to much to chapters and make them look like this.

of your story but not all of it. I agree with the editing, grammar, and the conversation interactions with the nurse and the Father (seemed out of place). Maybe i need to read the chapter again to fully understand it.

As a writer myself, I know people questioned a part of my chapter, but I told them I'd written it that way for a reason. Once they read the next chapter, they understood and agreed with me the way I had it made it better, and flowed easier.

Most people on here who don't write expect things to be written in a certain manner with everything wrapped up in a pretty bow... that's not life. People do things all the time that doesn't make sense to others. Tracy running away and having no contact is feasible if the hurt is deep enough, no matter how close the relationship maybe, even one as close as Tracy and Callen's.

As for Benny, did anyone stop to think that he might not actually be Alex's biological child. He could be a foster child, or nephew, or something else to him, but Benny calls him 'daddy'. Maybe he's the reason Alex went MIA and not because of the nastiness they call Sasha.

I think most of you are underestimating BNDMTL based off this chapter because it went in a direction you weren't expecting. I was thrown a bit too but as a writer I can appreciate the curveball, and look forward to the next one BNDMTL throws my way. There's a lot more to this story and I'm not gonna stop reading this story until the last chapter is posted.

your pissing me off with these short bits and bloody cliff hangers . get another one out fast my computer in going to the shop next week for repairs and i dont expect to see it for a while and i am getting a little pissed at waiting , i no you proberly he a life but i bloody dont lol.so bang a few more out fast loving in your story fucking fabulous xxxx british cock sucker lol

I like your story a lot. One bit of advice if you want to continue writing in installments: cliffhangers are all well and good (but do get tiresome if you throw in too many without advancing the plot as well). If you are going to skip a large period of time like this, then let your reader know without giving away too much. You could have added a sentence like "It would be a long time before I got any answers." at the end of your last chapter. Vague enough to keep your audience guessing, but without completely blindsiding them with your next chapter.

How I wished you didn't made Callen gay. 😔😔😔😔