All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 03'

What is happening with Rachel is interesting but, so far, this story is not all that different from others of its type. Of course, this IS Literotica, but I do expect things to get better as more chapters come along. There are still so many questions that have to be answered...

Roger

I am a longtime reader and yet I actually look forward to finding updates to this story. I know you have a plan for it so I just hope you will continue to write. Thanks for taking the time!

I really like your continuation of the Feedback story with your own twist . I missed that one and went back for a read. Now I am looking forward to many more chapters from you.

I think it would be really hot if after he takes a more sexual role with Megan, that he gets Rachel involved in a threesome with her. Then start to get her friends from the agency, perhaps the agency itself and end up controlling all the girls. What next, the sky's the limit if done properly and discreetly.

Another great chapter in the story. The protagonist seems pretty immoral at heart. He has even called himself an asshole on more than one occasion. If you give an asshole ultimate power....

Lot's of speculation about what will happen with Rachel and Maggie or others. This story can go a million ways. Perhaps the machine has side effects that are unknown. The women become unstable and develop new personalities. Crazy, wild, sociopathic. As an example in mind, Rachel's programming begins to take over more and more, she ditches college and becomes a full time whore or stripper. She craves wild, rough sex, starts to rob and hurt customers (or even here normal boyfriend (s)) or even kill them when she thinks she can get away with it. Because of the multi-faceted life Rachel lives and her particular personality, you can do a ton of things with her character and really run with that part of the story.

And some kind of new personality traits-like Rachel's or something different inherent in her- start to develop Maggie. Side effects Ben couldn't know what would occur until too late, especially concerning his "love' Maggie. And speaking of her, based on the personality Ben displays and the actions he has taken in this story, I doubt his love for Maggie is the real love most normal people feel. I think it's more love he thinks he feels, as much as someone like him can feel at all. I think he just really loves himself, like any sociopath does.

As the story goes on, Ben ends up like a later day Dr. Frankenstein, creating things he can control but in reality are also out of his control. Things that get so out of control that he or his freedom eventually can be endangered. At that point, what would he do? What could he do? He would be in a hell of a fix with no easy solutions in site.

That could be one way the story could go. An interesting way in my view because that side of mind control really hasn't been explored, what is something unexpected, something bad, happens with the test subjects, instead of just the old, I can control girls, now I have a harem storyline.

Or maybe Ben starts to change their lives. Makes the girls work for him and not just be his whores. He never really seemed that in love with a job and I suspect he would love nothing more than to make a living by not working at all, lol. Or he begins to rent them out at very high prices. Not just for sex, but for anything. Assassins, thieves, body guards (after training for that kind of profession). After all, how much would the rich or a criminal pay for someone who will do that kind of work and if caught, never say a word about who they did it for? Who would take the blame, or even happily kill themselves if they were to be caught? People that programmed and controlled would be priceless for dirty jobs.

Just musing on the so many ways this story could go. I'm sure Firstborn has a plan. We will have to wait and see what his story, the only real one we will read here, turns out to be.

Yeah, good story. I wonder if firstborn will take a look at the characters away from Ben and switch to third person for that. I think it would be interesting. Rachel is hot and has build from being a gym freak. She's also confident, willful and fun and mischievous. So you know she is mad popular at school with tons of friends. She also gotta have a BG or GF or at least a fuck buddy. No girl with that all that going on is gonna be alone. She is very aggressive, would the programming intensify that or make those impulses darker, by accident or by Benjamin's design? So how would the programming and changes to her effect her real life at school with those she knows? Or will Benjamin try to slowly cut her off from her real life to make her his own?

And what about Maggie? I can get a real good read on Rachel by how she behaves and looks. Firstborn really did a great job in letting the reader get to her very well. But Maggie is more of a mystery to me. What is she really like away from Benjamin, in her real life? I honestly can't say yet. Maybe will get to see.

For these things to happen Firstborn would have to write a pretty damn long, in depth story. I hope he has the time and desire to go down that long road. I think It would be interesting and make for a real classic story especially with his writing skills and imagination.

So interested to see if he will end up wanting a harem after after getting a dose of Rachel. Maggie may be his crush but Rachel sure knows how to make a him happy.

Really enjoying this story. Love the pace and the tease of what's to come. I'm also looking forward to more character development but don't think you need to change from your 1st person perspective. The complications, conflagrations and conjugations are already being teased out. I am looking forward to the fireworks that undoubtedly will erupt between Maggie and Rachel and, perhaps, even the original development team.

Another great chapter in this series, I would love for them to be longer. Please keep them coming without a big delay between the chapters.

If you could make them like 4 or more pages that would be awesome. I am a writer myself and I know that to get 4 pages of text on here it is more like 5 or so pages of single spaced text without all the breaks. With the breaks like you and other writers seem to use it turns into a much larger work of writing.

I agree with the other poster that it would be great to see more of them even away for Ben. Its obvious that Maggie really has liked him for awhile but she needed certain characteristics to come forward in him that weren't. Would be interesting to see rachel away from him and to see how she is with "normal" clients.