All Comments on 'Gone too Long Ch. 03'

Overall a good story. The ending felt rushed and lacked details. The ending could have been expanded in to at least another page or even another chapter.

I feel you you ended this story to fast what's with flowers who sent them if it wasn't Brad why was Brad saying it should have been me there was something there that could have been explored. Like I said I love this and the other two also just maybe was hoping for one chapter

Not sure what your aim here was but in the end it feels like a lot of opportunities were missed and a lot of the story left out almost as if you were in a tremendous hurry to just be done with this story and move on. In doing so you actually created new paradoxes that you left unanswered, put in some dialogue that doesn't exactly make sense without the missing broader picture, teased us for more but dealt with it in just half a sentence and tried tying up faux loose ends in a small paragraph at the end. You did mention the lack of an editor but there are some major mistakes that shouldn't not have happened even so.

However I did enjoy the series for what it was and I sincerely hope you one day revisit it with love and care it deserves. Despite my enjoyment I can't give it anything more than 3* as things stand now.

So many loose ends and possible stories that could be expanded on from this story. The flowers, his experiences in the military, the Creepy stalker. The ending just seemed rushed and the epilogue felt almost like an afterthought

An editor would be a big help with this story. Good plot, characters need more development and more meat needs to be hung on the skeleton. What I see here is a skeleton with some meat but definitely too little. This gives the impression of a rushed story which is normally not a good read. Your saving grace is the story has a good plot and the characters have potential.

The other commenters make some good points. I will skip past those to the stuff i liked.

The connection between Meg and Brad was lovely and sincere. The sort of violence they grew up around, it made sense they grew to have these feelings for each other. The sex was delicious, I really enjoyed it.

I also loved that you built a world around the sex. I am one of those people who enjoys a story with more than just a hot romp. You have a gift for it, just develop it and have fun with your characters.

You write good dialog.

The choices your characters make are plausible.

Overall, I enjoyed this series. Keep writing and have fun!

A.

But, I feel you ended it too soon. There are questions left unanswered, like the flowers. Who sent them? Why were they sent? I still see more stories coming from this couple.

i think it could continue on another chapter. i agree - who sent the flowers? what about their kids? it just ended too soon for me. like you wanted to stop. i thought it a great first effort, and hope you write more.

Obviously the writer became bored or couldn't be bothered on advancing this story further despite opening up many other sub-plots.

One of THE lamest endings I've had the misfortune of reading here. An epilogue that might as well have said 'once upon a time....the end'.

Editing problems aside, this story was progressing rather nicely. Why did you just end it like that?

I honestly expected a cliff hanger at the end. Who sent the flowers? Maybe mom faked her own death to get away from Joe, and now she's coming back.

Yeah, it did end pretty quickly there, though I'm kinda ok with it. I figured the subplots would have been added conflict in the story and I really wasn't interested in that. Heh.

I figured the sherrif sent her the flowers and was going to investigate the new guy living with her, or the roses were from the creeper that got off in her last case. Either way, I'll take the happily ever after ending! ;)

To be honest, I was going to keep writing in chapter 3 and even do a chapter 4, but the criticisms were getting to me. I am a new writer. I have the premise in my mind and the characters in my mind. Sometimes I have difficulty putting it in writing. I just wanted to end the story, and finish my career as a writer.

though it could've been better...I agree with the other comments about kinda rushed ending there but it's your story so I respect a good writer anyway...hopefully you could change your mind about quitting since you just got started with your erotic writing career here... still gonna do a BOLO for your future stories if the writers bug bite again...

A bit of a shame if you're really downing tools just because of a few comments from Literotica.com's brave 'anonymous' fu*ktards. Surely you must have expected to receive a few criticisms, productive or otherwise? It's only your first attempt for crying out loud. Nobody of sound mind was expecting perfection and you will have gotten sound advice or useful pointers en route.

I do hope your ego isn't that fragile and that when you've taken stock properly, you carry on and pen your stories.

the people when little brad grew up were the STUPIDEST people in the country! no one recognized him EXCEPT a girl he had a crush on. good thing he didn't have a crush on anyone else, huh. apparently the only smart person was trust worthy joe...

Hi,

This is a really good story. Thanks for writing and posting! I echo the comments others have made: this story has lots of promise, and so do you as a writer.

I will also echo the comments that an editor will help you a lot. Editing in our heads isn't as helpful as it might seem. There's nothing hugely wrong with your writing, but little things that will help the reader and help your writing flow: for example "should of" is "should have."

Ignore the folks who complain anonymously, and heed the words from people like irishmike73: that's GREAT feedback.

Of course, if you're done writing because you're done, we would understand. But to quit because some asshole says he doesn't like your story, well, in my opinion that would be a waste! There will ALWAYS be someone who doesn't like a particular story: fuck them. Even the BEST stories on literotica.com don't have 5 stars!!

I hope if the reason you want to quit is because of comments by assholes and morons, and that this comment helps to convince you that you can go on, and ignore them. Please consider continuing this story! If you want help editing, I'd be happy to help you out. Another pair of eyes might help. I have no idea how literotica.com lets people send messages to each other, but we could figure something out with throwaway email accounts.

Thanks for writing and posting, I really enjoyed this story!

Best regards,

-tb

good story, maybe a little long, but very good

Yep a good story with a happy ending, an ending I like

Scores 5/5 and into my favourites.

Yay ! I love happy endings.

[17.09.22]

Excellent series!

Great build up (albeit tragic) to a wonderful resolution.

11/10!!!!!

Nice, but who sent the flowers.......?

So yeah, Joe is a Grade-A psychopath. So sad when people like that are allowed to run free and obliterate people's lives. Sure he got put away in the end, but the massive damage was already done. Sad.

That whole backstory is so damn tragic. The story feels more like tragedy with an incest angle rather than the other way around. But I like it either way :)

I think the flowers thing was either a mistake on the author's part and forgot to tie up that loose end, or they really were from Brad and he just didn't want to confess his feelings directly yet.

As for the epilogue, it was way too short as others have stated. Essentially it was "and they lived happily ever after" with just a few details added. It would have been nice to expand upon her pregnancies, their life raising the children, and so on.