All Comments on 'Stay Sweet Ch. 03'

Great job.

They worked hard to finally get together. imho too hard. He over thought Every possibility. Over voiced it. Over hedged every contingency.

At about page 4 he should have put his love, emotions, and life in play. No holding back in fear of her reaction.

The constant fear of acting became tedious.

The conclusion was not complete because of the absence of his parents.

In case you haven't picked up on it by now

I Hate Psychobabble

But it's not my story

A well written story with some interesting facets.

It was, for me, loaded with far too much angst and introspection.

The protagonists were both so far into themselves and their ids that they disappeared up their own arses.

There was a huge assumption that readers would know the meaning of all the acronyms and the whole juvenile computer game concept, let alone the references to outre TV and films.

Given that, I still ploughed through to the end, so it must have engaged me!

Hit the nail on the head.

4* for the effort

And I loved it for several reasons.

There is a strong component of drama and conflicting feelings. Humans make more mistakes than the rest of the animal species, but they also have the ability to express their feelings and forgive / be forgiven.

In my opinion, in this story what is expressed is that true love has more possibilities of triumph than the rest of the feelings.

5 * for you and thank you for sharing your work.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

Lovely story. Well presented.Thank you.

So glad to see this happy ending here. I'll admit that I started reading there before I went back to the first page, though. Again, I really, REALLY hate stories that spend time bringing the leads together only to split them up in the end, and I really liked Pete and Ji-yeong's relationship. They didn't really go through any of the silly, irksome bullshit that you'll see in so many other stories.

No stupid misunderstandings. No games. Lots of real talk and honesty.

One of the things that really sold them as a good couple-to-be was when Pete called her a bitch. To my shock, she didn't blow up like he meant it, and meant it in the worst possible way. Instead, they talked. They talked about it and moved on. In just about any other story, that would've killed everything they had. At least for a while, anyway. But she knew that he wasn't trying to hurt her. She remembered that he was a good man. A really fucking dumb man (I mean, seriously, dude?), but still a good man.

This needs to be more common in fiction: Romances where the leads have their shit together, or at least enough so to go on to become a legit happy, healthy couple.

Five stars, and added to the favorites. Looking forward to your next story!

But still, you surprised me. Loved the ending. Stay sweet.

But not particularly romantic. I think they fit better as friends; I can't explain why but there's just something missing for me viscerally. I think they probably get divorced once she's past the 'I still need a security blanket' phase in her life. But in that scenario they would obviously remain the best of friends.

He is a cuck in waiting. Just a matter of time before she cheats on him because she needs reassurance again and he will just stand there and take it.

I loved the ending. They truly love each other and she would never cheat on him.

lt's fiction ya Mooks, well written fiction at that. l bet you were checking your calendars to see if you could make the wedding. Maybe we should ask 9458 where they are registered? Get them a nice toaster....

It was pretty much perfect. Satisfying without being cheesy or overplayed, and the sex scenes were different and important each time. And relatable and current without being an obvious ploy. Good shit dude.

Agree with the other posters below. Wounded or not, she's left him too many times. She'll do it again.

Hard to believe the analysis of the characters and what will happen.. I enjoyed the story for what it is, a good balance of story and sex.

Great pacing, well developed characters and great pay off in the end! I look forward to more of your writing! You definitely have me clicking 'Favorite Author'.

Well, I did. I jumped in when this was first published, but I realized I actually had nothing to say, so I just left it. After reading some of these comments, though, I realize that I do.

And let me just say that the fact that I feel compelled to explain this means that on some level, I've probably failed as a writer. It's not something I mean to be dramatic or even depressed about; nobody throws bullseyes all the time, and that bullseye is harder to hit when you pretty much throw from the hip (read: submit a painstakingly crafted first draft without getting it beta-read) like I did. The best you can do when you miss is take stock and try to learn from it. You can consider this part of that process.

So here's the thing: the fact that some of you are speculating on whether or not Pete and Ji-yeong have a future together probably means I did well building them as characters. If I didn't, then you wouldn't have been invested enough to speculate to begin with. You would've just shrugged and moved on to something else, right?

However, the point isn't necessarily whether or not Pete and Ji-yeong have a future together. It's that they both felt very strongly about each other, and instead of acting on their feelings, *they kept worrying about everything that could go wrong.* This is the hard truth about love: it never ends well. You know what the best case scenario is? John and Alicia Nash, the couple at the center of A Beautiful Mind. After a long life, those two died fairly recently in a violent car crash...together. They never had to go through the pain of losing their partner, and all they had to do was get ejected out of a cab at high speed after it slammed into a guardrail. Short of suicide pacts that few will have the stomach for, every other couple is going to have to deal with loss, whether by acrimony or death.

That's the paradox of love. It never ends well, yet it can never work if you don't give yourself over to it. Pete—and to a lesser extent, Ji-yeong herself, though the first person POV made it harder to touch on that—can't do it because he's too afraid of her damage, afraid that he'll somehow add to it. Now, I wasn't thinking of this when I was writing the story, but on reflection, I like that it's a change of pace from the protagonist worrying too much about his own feelings. However, it was pointed out by an anonymous commenter that Ji-yeong had left him too many times, and while I'd argue that

• The first time was when she went to college out-of-state, like many teenagers do,

• The second time was when she met Chad, and

• The third time—the only time Pete was romantically viable—was after it became clear that Ji-yeong was using Pete as a sexual negative energy sponge and needed to learn to be by herself for a little while.

But you know what? Even if you don't refute the third time with "nobody learns to be by herself after eight months" and/or "random hookups =/= by herself" (I personally think the latter point if bullshit, but if I squint...), the point remains that Pete has always kinda...been there for Ji-yeong. It'd be pretty damn easy to take a guy like him for granted. Maybe this wouldn't have bothered my commenters so much if I had Pete recognize this and show SOME concern for his own well-being as opposed to his constant worry that he'll hurt Ji-yeong. I think that could've made him a stronger overall lead, and it would've brought out the main point of this story out a little more.

And that point is this: As healthy as it is to evaluate a potential romance and go into it with a clear head, there comes a point where you do too much of it. There comes a point where your feelings are so strong you have to give yourselves over to it, damn the logic. You'll probably have regrets either way: Pete's dad, for instance, wonders if begging his wife to stay back when they were dating stopped her from becoming more than she was. But if you don't make that leap, you could be missing out on something wonderful and fulfilling, and that's what Bernadette's speech was supposed to bring this home: It matters because she's part of the reason Pete's so gun-shy to begin with, but also because she found herself in an extremely unlikely romance with a transgendered man. The fact that she tells Pete not to shit himself when she first talks about him should show that he never thought of Bernadette as pansexual; since they were together for quite a while, it would follow that neither did she until Brian came into her life.

So the real victory isn’t merely that they're together, it's how it represents that the two of them are over their fears and are willing to trust-fall into each other. (On that note, I can see people wanting Pete to take a more active role in courting Ji-yeong like somebody seems to have suggested, but I like that it's Ji-yeong taking point and courting Pete in the end. I like the idea of a love story from the perspective of a guy being courted by a girl, and I like that the abuse survivor is taking control of what she wants instead of being convinced of who she needs.) This is a romance, and ideally I want you to think that they're going to go the distance; again, I probably could’ve done a better job of shoring that up by making Pete a stronger lead, or even separating the two of them for longer than eight months. But I frankly won't lose too much sleep (I said, posting this at 3 AM local time) if you think that they won't, as long as you realize that the important thing is that they let go of their fears and went all-in on each other, because that's the only way love works. What you think happens after that is completely up to you, and is most likely valid.

And that includes Ji-yeong ending up in bed with someone else down the road. Whether it's a full-on affair that destroys their relationship, or she makes him a classic cuckold by fucking someone else while he's in the room after he decides that he likes being humiliated by his hot badass wife. Either way, the end result will still leave Pete smarter and healthier than anyone who unironically uses the word "cuck" as an insult.

Thanks again for reading, everyone! Cheers!

Okay, I struggled with my comment title. Overall ‘balanced’ fits the series. It doesn’t get too high or too low, the emotion never swings to the extreme. Somehow, even when Pete could go into a funk or be overwhelmed by jealousy, he keeps an even keel. Ji-Yeong likewise avoids the deep depression even after abuse and her husband’s suicide. It isn’t evident whether there’s elation when they get together or at any specific points along the way. Through it all, I found an upbeat tone that they’d each figure things out and quit fighting intellectual reasons to be apart. It’s well written and aside from minor glitches, very clean. I enjoyed it.

A very good series. Great story with some twists and turns and very likeable characters. Well done and thank you.

Since she's korean, wouldn't her name be Song Ji-Yeong? Cos the surname is placed in front. Or is that only for the japanese?

Um, I'm not saying I didn't fuck up massively here, but my understanding is/was that because Ji-yeong was raised in western civilization, she was taught to use her given name before her family name. If any Korean-Americans (or possibly even Asian-Americans in general) are around to ring the shame bell, though, by all means.

I honestly dont have the words to say how great this series was. Thanks for writing!

This is very solid storytelling. Characters and experiences interesting and believable. Professional quality plot. I haven't read anything better in this format in a long time. I'd be happy to find it in a magazine or book of short stories.

It could turn into a movie. Move over Nicholas Sparks!

It isn't Updike but it'd run with McMurtry. Keep writing!

I get where all the "she's going to cheat" comments are coming from...

Plain and simple, you're missing some mindless hook-ups for him as well, during those eight months.

All of that conversation reeks of her rubbing his face in it, "I've been everywhere and fucked five other guys, that made me get over all the shit you couldn't, and taught me things that you didn't, specially blowjobs and taking it from behind, while you just sat there and pined away like a sack of spineless Jell-O"

She comes off as a newfound slut while he's celibate waiting for her

Give him some post-Ji life, otherwise he looks like a pushover

I meant my comment as constructive, but reading it back, it sounds a bit heavy-handed...

Oh well... Good intentions, and all that...

Problem is, you weaved (wove ?) A wonderful tale, and the resolution fell kind of flat, that's what I was trying to convey

I have enjiyed all your stories so far. This was the most difficult in that the characters spent too much time worrying about their relationship, and their history. I am sure that abuse is a terrible thing for any person to suffer, and I see examples of it in many situations in my work. How people deal with it is something very personal for them, and those close to them have a difficult job in helping them. I wss not convinced by the interactions of Pete and Ji-yeong, in this story. It began brilliantly, but the protracted agonising as the story progressed left me somewhat disbelieving.

I can't say I'm too sure how to feel about this one.

There's none on this planet that can argue, you've got your syntax down. It's a solid storyline with progressing characters told with a very astute tone. I wouldn't be surprised if you did this formally.

What I can't wrap my head around is why Pete got such a short end of the stick. If we're leaving out the word 'cuck'; then this is a girl that is marginally older than him, can't have kids, has baggage to boot and has a nasty habit of cutting ties cold turkey.

Yet she holds all the cards over a guy with a (probably) fully functional reproductive system, holds a higher success pinnacle as far as working employment goes. And this is all before we get to stregnth of character...

You see where I'm going with this? Sure we can label this as love, but even more than that, I see exploitation. Even more so when we start using the word 'cuck'. That word may not have been utilised explicitly but it's there.

For her to stay loyal to an abusive jackass, then use him as a rebound before vanishing to have sexcapades with random people and give them all the things she wouldn't give him... Then she finally decides to waltz back into his life like she doesn't know any better. Yet all the while, he, in all his chivalry, is busy stressing over his positive worth to her?

I dunno. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe he's just a machosist, and if that's the case; jackpot. There's obviously plenty more hurt where that came from. If not, if he's just plain oblivious to his own value, then... Damn... He got shit on. It just sucks for him, y'know? If that's the treatment love gets you then why bother? He doesn't even get kids as a consolation prize.

Gotta love happy endings...

Not as engaging as your others but still well done.

Just finished all 3 chapters. I thought Crimson_Rivers pretty much had the same thoughts I did when I finished reading it all. Well written, great story flow, etc. etc. I must say, I had to take a pause for the cause when Ji-Yeong did the revelation part about the 'mis-adventures' and Adrian. At that point I had been fully vested in Pete and had to wonder what good she thought it would do to revel such info when Pete was just trying to do a nice thing. I thought to myself, if I were Pete I would have started to distance myself as in maybe getting a transfer to the West Coast of something. But where would the story go from there? Then I thought maybe Ji-Yeong made the 'mis-adventures' up to see what kind of response she would get out of Pete. That seemed like a douche move but she is a girl with scars. That is when I got the notion that Pete's character was way more flawed than Ji-Yeong's. That is when the story kind of lost the wind in it's sails for me.

I've read all you work now. Please don't stop!! You are REALLY good at this sort of thing.

The HP series from Rowling has sold and resold tons of books and it gets criticized all the time. Your style is good and your editing is very good compared to nearly all the authors on Lit that rush to post their thoughts. I loved the buildup, the character details weren't over the top but defined enough to get an idea of who they could be. People get spoiled with literature because they get to know too much about a person. Real life takes a lot of time to know as much. And the ending was solid. Very pleased with your work... Mahalo!

A nice guy, a solid boy scout, someone who had a psychologist mother and a MD dad, who overcame some of his issues with learning to get through high school, take a few years off, then went back for college for a BS in Psych, a few years of meandering, and then a MSW and started a career as a social worker, focused on teens who did not fit their family's expectations and had to do something criminal to make their independence and competence clear (in their own minds). He worked with them to find better ways to express themselves and live out their lives.

Meanwhile, his romantic relationships in high school (when I hung out with him a lot) and later in life (when he was a friend of a friend) tended to be finding a "wounded" woman and hanging out with her, trying to help. He wound up with some really broken people who took him through various wringers or, even worse, took themselves through recurring episodes of their brokenness. Last time I heard, in the close to 50 years of relationships, he has one dead wife in a car "accident" that may not have been purely accidental; a couple significant others who cycled themselves into intensive, in-patient therapy for their issues; a couple more who were just weird and then vanished, and possibly more... and one woman who blossomed into a really nice person and continues to go do folk dancing with him regularly, and has called him "husband" for over 25 years. No, I don't know the inner contours of their relationship; I don't know what happened to take someone who looked like the other women in his life and turned out very, very differently. I don't know if their relationship is an instance of "better living through chemistry" or if some sort of outside influences changed.

Your story line in 3 chapters captured my attention and made me interested enough to read to the end. You have an easy ability to write dialogue with individual voices, saying things that make sense. I personally think you may have stretched a couple of things to lengths I found unbelievable -- but no more so than lots of others. And while you did it, you provided me with several hours of enjoyment.

So thanks. Please continue. I'd even enjoy you returning to these characters 5 or 10 years later in their lives, seeing how they are doing.

What strange comments. Cuck? Can't have kids?

I saw a nice kid's crush develop into love. A girl found her way to happiness and confidence. They grew together. And people see is as losing. I liked it and found it touching. The babysitter that needed babysitting.

Would definitely be up for more of this!

This may not be the best story on Lit. But then again, it might.

what a sweet wonderful story. you sir are truly an accomplished writer

Nicely done. A 'good read'. One to re-visit.

What a lovely and beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it.

Thank you for sharing this story. I have only been reading a small amount each day to make it last longer. Now I'll go and look at your other writings. 5*

Parts of this story I liked, parts of it, not so much. The “not so much” part, I think is a generational thing. The constant references to video games, obscure movies I never heard of, and TV shows (MST3K) I thought were silly, tended to cause me to lose interest. And Pete’s constant angst-ridden “overthink” attitude got tiresome. On the other hand, I liked the way Pete was so devoted to Ji-yeong and just making sure that he always tried to put her welfare first. It seemed like a forgone conclusion that the two of them would eventually get together permanently. It was a long time getting there, but it was worth the wait. In short, very nice job, member9458.

I've read quite a bit of stories now but it's the first time it makes me realize things about my own life. Congratulations, that's quite a feat.

But I would not have gotten to this point if it was not well written, engrossing and, the most important to me, believable.

Thank you. I really enjoyed reading your creation.

Excellent story! I was all bent when they split but great ending!

Great story. I had a cathartic moment when he and bernie were discussing their break up. A lot of my relationships ended that way. Im more like Pete, and I did get angry out of frustration. Well written and life like. You have a natural talent for writing. Keep going. 5

Did you know that was the name of the Mayor of Pittsburgh, Pa. about 50 years ago. Really. A great love story, thanks

Overall, well done. Didn't like that she went on a road trip and fucked around even though it seems she knew she wanted to be with him the entire time. Seems odd and unnecessary to the story. 4*

I really liked the different scale of emotions potrayed through the 3 chapters. I would give it to you for the knowledge of English and physcology put into the story.

I couldn't finish. Sorry. Too much wokeness. Too much that doesn't add to the plot. Example: when Bernie uses the "whiteness" excuse for having an opinion. Or Best Woman. Too much beta male whining that started towards the end of the second chapter and REALLY got going in the third. I stopped reading when Ji-yeoung admitted having sex with another woman.

I'm sure there are people who like this type of story and live their lives this way, but it's not my cup of tea. In my opinion the story could have been halved in size and still been good.

I agree with Mrfriendly8181. Again, something added that is not necessary. It also adds to the perception that Pete is a beta male. Granted he doesn't have to be alpha, but he could have some self-respect and be an equal partner, which he is not.

@Anonymous (1-21-22, #1) (possibly also #2) (certainly also the comment that was left at the end of chapter 2 on the same day)

<takes out pen and paper> "Queer people...should not exist...in stories about straight people." Thanks for the note! I'll leave it somewhere I can give it the appropriate energy as I write my next story. <crumples up paper> <bounces it off trash can rim> <leaves it where it lands>

You know what's funny? I re-read this story recently and thought, "Wow. I don't buy this ending at all. What the fuck was I thinking?" I don't want to play defense here. In fact, I think Mrfriendly's on the right track. Granted, I'd argue that having just gotten out of a possessive relationship that she started in her first year of college, it would be weird if Ji-yeong jumped right into another relationship before taking some time to enjoy being single, figure out who she was, and what she wanted. Or maybe it wouldn't be so weird—which is kind of the problem, her deciding "I need me time" without having any basis to believe that in her bones just doesn't make any emotional sense. (Her therapist may have warned her, but when you're talking about love, do you always listen to reasonable warnings?) Either way, I pooched it; I was so busy trying to morally justify this relationship that *I forgot to finish building the relationship.* If that's why the ending lands with a fart for anyone, that's fair. Come at me.

But the moment you start complaining about "wokeness"—or for that matter, hit me with other alt-right meme phrases like "cuck" or "beta male"—you out yourself as someone who does not care about the experiences of people who do not look or act like you. And if that's the case, you have as much to offer me as I have to offer you. I won't pretend I'm any better, wasting these words on men who only listen when someone is trying to affirm their narrow, pathetic worldview. But I do appreciate that you took the time to comment on a story of mine you disliked because my characters openly worried about whether their behavior might end up hurting people they care about. (Whether or not my execution was off isn't the point; you're clearly offended by its mere presence.) The least I can do is return your effort, and remind you that children aren't allowed on this site.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to my next story, about two shy programmers who fall in love as they bring out each other's wild sides. All of their friends are trans and it ends with the girl getting bred by a black trans woman with a ten inch cock while the guy watches and makes gooey comments about how nice her eyes look in the moonlight

I enjoyed this series, the first one was my favourite and I enjoyed him making up with his ex by sending a letter.

The recent anonymous comments were kind of annoying on this one and Ch 2. People need to learn to get over Gay, Trans etc. You have your own life, you should learn to focus on that and not what another indivdual does.

Very nicely constructed. The character building and development was excellent and really got me involved. Congratulations and well done. Hope there is more from your reservoir of ideas and thoughts.

This was an enjoyable read. The characters stay just the right side of too good to be true. Pete isn't perfect, he does get hurt and angry. It does seem cruel of Ji-yeong to tell Pete about Adrian, but she does recognise that she's on dangerous ground.

I was amused that they sublimated their mutual attraction into buying furniture. It reminds me of how one my friends described two people that we know who weren't doing it as "having energetic non-sex".

As for blowjobs, what you describe as basic sounds just fine to me. Anything else is optional and deep-throating is strictly for porn.

4.5/5 overall (rounded down to 4; all chapters)

After very good chapter 1 (strong 5/5) came bland chapter 2 and a bit dissapointing chapter 3 (4/5 both). Chapter 1 was engaging with clear narrative (after 7 years when she cut all connections when she got married; almost-family-member came back fragile and bruised from abusive marriage; MC helped her and they felt in love); chapter 2 was OK but had little actual progress I found ( relationship contunied but she had to reinvent herself so would not go after him when he went back home) and then followed with feeling off 3 (she healed enough to go for major road trip where she engagedd in several sexual hook-ups; while they were both mooning after each other; afterwards they both felt the attraction but were doing their best to stay friends until they stopped pretending, came back together and decided to get married). Maybe I missed something important, chapter 2 and 3 I did not find engaging enough and skimmed a bit.... Specific concerns lowering my score:

1. Ji-Yeong infertility was obsolete from ch. 1-3 narrative perspective and yet could weighted significantly on the future romance 'happily ever after'. Either use such important elements in storyline or just skip it. It was introduced just as 'she had it tough' side note, not enough

2. Maybe I missed it why they could not be together after she healed. Road trip and friend zone afterwards made little sense to me

3. I could well understand road trip with casual sexual hook-ups as self validation for Ji-Yeong right after she left her toxic marriage (low self esteep issues); it should have not been an issue after her new relationship with MC

@pjpb

That’s actually really helpful feedback, thank you! Don't worry, you didn't miss anything; what happened is that I made the rookie mistake of structuring the work around its three centerpiece sex scenes. The story progression was an afterthought; some writers are smart enough that they can get away with it, but in my case I ran out of narrative gas halfway through and had to make a too-big deal out of the leads' fears and insecurities to justify part three. Grateful as I've been for the high reader scores (it averages out to a 4.8 between the three chapters as I write this), in recent years I've felt they were inflated by about two or three tenths.

If I can offer some mild defenses of the three specific points you made, though:

1.) I don’t think Pete cares about starting a family of his own (or more accurately, hasn't really thought it through), and frankly, I don’t buy into the idea that children should be the endgame of a marriage. True, starting a family is a logical next step from falling in love; there's power in a bond between two people being so strong it can create and/or nurture life, I'm not trying to be edgy here. I just also think that for some couples, having each other is enough, and I think that's Pete and Ji-yeong. That said, you’re absolutely right in that it's a heavier subject than the story gives it credit for; I could have dug a little deeper there.

2.) So what I was going for was "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to love you when I can’t even love myself, and I need space to figure out how to do that." I felt like Ji-yeong needed to assert some independence at some point to assure the reader that her relationship with Pete wasn't just repeating some co-dependent cycle. Aside from not being all that well communicated, however, the problem there is I'm not sure Ji-yeong would have had the self-awareness to come to that conclusion on her own (even after two whole months of therapy), so yeah, not well thought out. If anything, it probably would've been more dramatic for /Pete/ to realize what trap Ji-yeong was falling into and for him to break it off with her; would have made him a stronger character, and given me an actual conflict to work with for the third chapter. (Not to mention a nuanced one; after all, who is Pete to tell Ji-yeong what's best for her?) (*snaps fingers* Another question I could have asked myself more often!)

3.) It wasn’t an issue; if anything, Pete's proud of her. Hell, I kind of regret not making him straight-up *into* Ji-yeong being with other people, even if the inversion from her controlling husband might've been too on the nose (and, from what I understand, would've had this category's fans breaking out their pitchforks). Still, if that wasn't clearly communicated, that's on me.

Thanks again for the insight, boss! If you feel up to it, I wouldn't mind having you poke holes in my other works too!