All Comments on 'Custom Pt. 08 - Her Own Words'

Eh, your story line went from "meh, ok this could be interesting" to "this is fucking dumb", quick as shit. I'm not trying to hate on your writing, you are building a world, and it is hard so I respect that...

Here's my feedback. When you build up characters in the first story ( order of composition is irrelevant to order of plot progression ) and then just flat out destoy them in the second story, readers get hit with a cataclysmic mind fuck.

Readers get turned off by that shit, generally. Your world ain't Westeros, sorry. If you want to have that much of a character shift, you have to have a whole goddamn bunch more plot and process to it before it becomes palatable for your average reader. Just stumbling onto a sexy elf and losing his mind ( the same mind that he's been built up in the previous stories as a hero character ) is so vastly out of character for the plot progression that it just makes zero sense.

I'm not going to dictate your story to you. It's your world, build it as you dream it. But if you want people to read it and stick with you through it, you need more details, more character development, and more plot points where the characters can be better understood by the reader.

Good luck...

You've created characters that your readers really care about & a world about which they want to know more. That's the hardest part of writing, making your readers care what happens next.

Yes the bright side having a place like the elfs castle, why leaving this treasure island

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