All Comments on 'Dark Soul and Rocky'

Presume this is Part 1 of several - hope so, enjoyed this and looking forward to more

A lot of potatoes and very little meat...I did like the military side to this, but you gave me nothing to really sink my teeth into. It was just OK and honestly you didn't hook me. You didn't leave me begging for another chapter....I should have waited until there was more.

Good opening volley. I look forward to the next installment - meeting Leona, Diane, and Darla - and presumably the characte(s) from Jake’s past. Sounds like some interesting storytelling to come. Thanks

looking forward to the next part

Good story and entertaining.

Thanks!

is a bitch at best. Thanks for a great picture. 5

You have the character's, part of the background, and some emotions.... now can we please have the story.

I await further episodes with interest.

Your character development is great, I was able to feel their angry and pain. The story is also good, do not understand the full cause but I hope that you will continue the story and fill it in. Keep writing please

You have my attention! I loved the slow character development through the eyes of Jake. Nicely done.

I was a little bent out of chape by the cliffhanger. This story is totally not a finished narrative... not even a conflict for the main character other than the baggage he carried into the story... so with a chapter 01 identifier at the beginning I was surprised and irritated to find out I will have to wait to learn about what happens. I do hope that is the case because the story as is does not hold up but with another chapter (or 5 based on how you are writing) this could be a great story.

It appears to me that our two progagonists are living vicariously - singer envies friend's wife and family; roadie envies singer's musical ability. Interesting that they are so close in friendship. Hope our protagonist can find some peace and rest.

looking forward to the next chapter. I am giving it 5*s for now. I have a good feeling about this.

You are off to a good start. Your story line is really good. But, you need to use F7, your speeling is atrocious! I had to read some parts 2 or 3 times to figure what you were trying to say. When is the next installment?

Great start, noticed a few errors that a good proof read and/or 2nd set of eyes /editor would've caught.

Chapter indexing might help; lets the reader know that it will be more than 1 installment.

But your horrible grammar really detracts from the story. I realize this is an amateur site, but get an editor, use spellcheck or get someone to read your stories before you post them. A potentially good story was ruined by your inability to spell and construct a decent sentence.

liked it so far..don't wait too long for part 2 please..just a word about the short fiery red head w/ a temper..we all think its cute when its a woman..not so much when its a man..what if ?? two women were talking an a short hubby with a temper approached ,one says to the other "he scares me " not funny right ? someone wrote a L.W. story here bout a man who punched the wife in the stomach to shut her up w/ she tried to make excuses for cheating..howls came out in the comments."cant condone violence against women 1 * etc.etc. how bout if Tiger chased his wife with a 7 iron all the way to her suv,taking out the hood an the windows,cuz he read her cell phone an found out she was fucking around..not funny..no Worse he would b in jail,,shunned ..proly have to give back the green jacket..she did it to him tho...it was funny right ?right..thanks for the rant..grate story so far !...stlcris

I almost downscored the tale because you gave no indication this was chapt one, but it either clearly is, or you wrote a story with out a conclusion.

If it is a start of a serial, hope you have it all written and post on successive days. It is a good start, you have my interest, I am so wanting to hear how Jake's wife caused him so much pain, and why he has had no hand in his child's life.

I really hope that we are going to hear more!

Thank you everyone for your comments. They really help. Yes I plan on more installments. I will also try to do better with grammar and spelling. As an avid reader on this site myself, I know how those things can detract. There are a few chapters I have before this ends, but I wanted to see if I was on the right track before finishing them. Again, thank you!!!

Good potential. I’ll rate when I see if it pans out well.

Crappy grammar is right. More painful is having the

time frame jump back and forth with no apparent

clue for We-The-Readers.

I didn't have a problem reading this , I loved it & hope you will go further with it. I have an affinity for the lead guy as I have PTSD from Vietnam & crazy doesn't make sence to a lot of people but from someone who has had dark times I thought this was good

Please, please do not leave it there. I understand Jake's dark side. I have one from PTSD and Viet Nam. I know his pain only too well.

Please write more about Jake. I have been looking for a way out of my dark side for way too long. Maybe your story can help me see a light in the tunnel that's not a train.

And very nicely set up for whatever is to follow. I'm looking forward to learning more about Dark Soul.

Editing oopsies make it into everyone's offerings here, but if you write in Word or something similar, a quick grammar & spell check will catch a lot of them.

Pretty much everyone -- if they live long enough -- is going to have some dark times in their life. Thanks for this one, and bring on the next chapters.

Well written backstory

My only complaint is in the choice of dialogue.

"She looked at Rocky, and with a thick Irish accent, "Sheesh, you weren't kiddin'."

No one, man woman or child says that in Eire, the UK or even in OZ. We're more likely to say "Jesus", "For feck's sake", or Holy shite!"

"Sheesh" is really just a quaint Americanism.

This sounds like my life. Please write more.

For the read.

Good start. We need to know more about the Dark Soul. Please continue...

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole busted, betrayed!

I will send Leona after you. :)

offered before and I'm certainly not an editor but I do usually see simple errors like there instead of their. I'd be happy to read through looking for those things if you like.

You really need an editor or at least a proofreader.

The poor grammar and lack of a cohesive paragraph structure really detracts from the story.

I’m giving this 5* betting on the come. If it weren’t for the potential this would be a 3* at the most.

It ended too quickly.

I read the strap line and thought this is going to be another caught the wife in bed story. The happy guy being her new beau... Almost overlooked it. So glad I didn't...

Please Sir. May I have some more.

This is sort of an interesting start of a journey but way too disjointed and unfocused. Let's see what you do in the future but you need some better editing to attract my attention and focus. There is still a lot of unknown about Jake even if there is inference.

One more chance to hold my attention.

T.T.

Fascinating and definitely need more of it. Thanks.

What kind of shit is this?