All Comments on 'I'm Home Pt. 01'

Cant wait for the next chapter

I've enjoyed it thus far. Really interested to see how this is going to progress. Neat idea. Your erotica shows lots of promise, though slightly longer scenes would make it better. If you've need of an editor, let me know. This would be a fun project to help with.

Almost as good as fear.

All the jumping around. It made the story needlessly burdensome to follow along. It’s well writtten with a fun premise, but I had to stop reading after a point.

I also was lost as regards the timing. I gave up trying to follow it as it was destroying the enjoyment of the story. Novel idea. A very enjoyable, heartwarming, story.

The time hopping doesn't continue further into the series. I just felt I needed backstory without devoting an entire chapter to it :-) but thanks for the input regardless

first, the story is solid. nice imagery from description, and flow. i kinda get the impression of what you were trying to do w the flip flops from past to present, and if handled properly it could totally be really cool. but well, i feel you revealed too much at the start, such that the transitions didnt really lend themselves to any mystery. my opinion, not a writer, just feedback.

To me, time shift perspectives worked; helped set up the narrative to unfold plot. Look forward to rest!