All Comments on 'Breakfast of Champions'

of beauty

Very nice. I can imagine the end result. A sixteen year old is old enough to choose the parent the live with. Dear old mom needs to find out what life is like living in a crappy studio apartment in a bad area of town. Add to that the reputation of a cheating slut and losing the respect of friends and family - can you say Karma is a bitch?

In 750 words. Well done!

That was one hell of a story for only 750 words. Most LW authors couldn’t tell a complete, satisfying story like that in ten pages. Lying, cheating, bitch got caught by her son. That’ll leave a Mark. Great story!

The real loss, here, isn't the marriage, since, ultimately, she stopped caring about it a while ago.

Her relationship with her son, though? That's even more dead... and this one's gonna hurt a lot, in the long run.

As always: when you cheat, you're only cheating on your spouse, but on your entire family.

Thanks for the share, author.

Let's get this right -- Wheaties are the Breakfast of Champions! Otherwise, great story.

While it was a great story the ending is seriously missing, I know there a word count but just feels undone still a good read though.

That was excellent. Short, but very intense. A good son, watching out for his Dad and knowing what's right and what's wrong. Great story.

Well done, thanks for posting.

750 word nonsense some American thing?

It's entirely meaningless.

This could have been a good story but it's a nothingness.

What is with the American obsession with violence and raising kids to be nasty, vindictive arseholes? I can only see misery and destruction ahead involving this little shit.

Five‘a fat Spliffs fo da humor‘a us.

Write on, mon

Mediocre poker

Short wnd sweet! Nicely done!

I'm usually not a fan of very short stories. This is perfect. A complete story. Thanks for your work. You are a gifted writer.

reasonable man

What a great short story! Loved every 5* word. Look forward to even more, thank you!

somewhere east of Omaha

GOTCHA, YOU LYING BITCH.

Just about a perfect story. This reminds me a lot of your 'Zoo Interrupted' which is another pretty much perfect flash. Good characterization, believable interaction, smart kid!

Nicely done!

I dont usually like the 750 word stories that come out. Few people can really do the story justice in so few words. However you hit the nail on the head with this one.

But I would have much rather had a longer, properly developed story, with character development and plenty of emotionally charged dialog. This was basically just an outline for a story. I was excited when I saw a story by Bebop3 listed, but disappointed when I saw it was only a crappy 750 word story.

That kid is already more of a man than 90% of the husbands in Loving Wives. Fun story. 5 ⭐

Women who decide to cheat justify with the biggest lies they can with the help of "friends" to justify their slutiness. My ex tried that and she lost the kids and most of everything. That's another story. Good thing she has been remarried 3 times. She lost all those too. Just not smart enough to understand she was stupid.

A very mature young man. His mother just threw everything away and it’s not coming back.

just plain loved it!!!

Mechanically sound, but otherwise the typical he-man woman-haters club stuff. You should actually meet some women before you try to write about them.

A whole lot of story in so few words. Brilliantly done

Even without the recording, I think the kid's word would count for a lot.

Great 750 word read! Thanks for writing!

I've read on this site. Great job.

750 words, 100% complete.

I'll have to go read it again.

Nice bros before hos story.

Ha! Great little story there! Five Star's ***** Thanks for the read.

For a young guy, Edward's got his shit together. Loved the confrontation wife Mom's lover - "If I ever see you again I'm going to put you in the hospital."

For a guy that just got caught fucking Edward's mom the shit for brain lover was pretty mouthy and arrogant. Most guys would have just slunk out after discovery and been on their way and wouldn't have engaged the teenager.

Besides, next time whose to say Edward planned on fighting fair with the douche bag.

"Officer, I found this strange man raping my mom, so of course I went after him with my baseball bat. I was scared for my mom and I just kept hitting him till he stopped fighting back and moving."

Loved that Edward had dialed his dad on his cell phone during the confrontation with his cheating mother and dad got to hear the whole dirty discussion including her plan to lie and make false accusations against her husband to try and get an upper hand in the divorce. This is more common than most people realize in fact is recommend to women as a means to get a protection order against the husband to force him to leave the house. Once out, the husband is out for good even if the protection order is eventually dismissed and woman are never punished for making false accusations and statements to police when a divorce is involved.

Edward's 16 and most states let older teens decide who which parent they want to live with. Worst case he goes for emancipation then can make his own decision where he lives.

His relationship with his mom is going to forever be tainted and she'll be lucky if Edward ever wants to have anything to do with her. I sure as hell wouldn't after they way she acted after Edward confronted her. She didn't just destroy a marriage she destroyed the family as well.

Exceptionally good story no matter the length.

Damn smart kid, but he should have shined his shoe tip, in the smart-ass paramours groin, then take a picture of the paramour, in the house, on the floor, in the fetal position. Just so dad can see the dude and deed.

/

6*, Hooyah many salutes! Let dad take care of the slut.

Middling, fine given the limit, but still felt dragged out. Guessing the appreciation at the end was thanks for their help... really? You needed help from that many on 750 worder?

Now that is the burn that keeps on giving.

5/5

Some really good comments mixed with the regular clowns who keep reminding us that YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID! Don't we have enough of them without importing them from Sweden?

Short and sweet. Good originality.

Thanks for sharing.

A lot of punch in such a short story *5* good writing!

I would love to know the rest of the story, but 5* for a complete story as is...

... and very well written. Loved the ending. 5 stars for sure!

Loved it! Very well told!

This kid definitely deserves an attaboy!!!

It could have also been a beginning to a much longer story. Good either way! 5*

Some really nice touches in this short piece. The casual dismissiveness of the mom’s affair partner is really well drawn, and it contrasts nicely with Edward’s boiling anger.

I especially love the confrontation over the granola bar. "Put it down or I'll... Put the fucking thing down!" In the space of that ellipsis, you can just picture the guy continuing to carry around the granola bar nonchalantly. What a dick.

As usual, the dialogue is crafted with care. It reads like the words are being spoken, not like they are being written with some quotes thrown around them. A good example: “Seriously, I get it, but don't go getting crazy. Your father's honor and all, sure.”

With only 750 words, the mother had to work extra hard to earn the burn she gets at the end, and boy, did she ever. What a narcissistic sociopath! Threatening to prevent Edward from ever seeing his father again with a false accusation of abuse, just to conceal her affair? Damn. Real Mother-of-the-year material, right there. Edward and his dad will be lucky to get away from her.

Usually don't have a child involved in the discovery. Nice twist.

Nice and to the point.

Unfortunately, this was a scene that can't properly convey it's message within the confines of 750 words.

Great. 5.

There really are women like that. Often do they care enough to even get what they deserve.

Clever little story!

5

You nailed it! I was hoping he's snap a picture as the boyfriend walked out so he could be identified later, but your solution was so much better! I enjoyed that. I love stories about ethical kids who stand up for what is right and for the parent who deserves their loyalty. Great job in just the right amount of words!

I love a good flash. Nice job bebop. I find it funny though that one of the anonymous called this heman women haters. I have used that term before but Jesus, this is SO not not that. Of all the writers, to call out Bebop on that, lol. Yeah no.

Brilliant.

Hello Anonymous!

"Mechanically sound, but otherwise the typical he-man woman-haters club stuff. You should actually meet some women before you try to write about them."

Thank you for taking the time to read the story and offer your feedback. May I take a moment to reflect your sentiment back to you? You may want to actually look at the oeuvre of a writer before making assessments based on one story.

For balance, you may want to look at "Consequences" or "Mr. X Games" where the antagonist is male. Does that mean I've also never met a man? You may also want to peruse stories such as "180 Days in Montauk", any story with Siobhan, "Contract Negotiations" or the upcoming "Shinobi Nights" for stories of mine where strong women are the protagonists.

Very nice work. Flow was spot on. Excellent!

Killian

...The Bitch. Nicely done, Bebop3! Five big stars ⭐️ for this one.

I loved it. Beautiful. 'Nuff said. 10 stars. The Bear approves. Glad I read it.

The BEAR

Haha, he handled that like he already had other plans for the rest of the day. Great writing, barely a wasted word in there.

Excellent. Well done! 5*

......excellence. 5 all the way.

KJ

Not sure where the "erotica" is in this story, it just feels angry and vengeful to me. Why is this in the "Loving Wives" category?

Rarely do I give a flash story 5* but this one earned it. Great story.

Good story

Clever.

A good flash story

answering the most important questions.

Top ratings from me.

Really well done! To capture it all in 750 words, really shows off your talent.

Daddy didn’t raise no slow boy but he sure married a slow wife ! Good job

She gave birth to quite a son. Then again, he obviously takes after his father.

Great flash fiction, Bebop3, thanks.

...a good kid. Great story, 5 stars.. thanx!

Loklie

Loved it.

Whole story from the start, middle and finish. Included a good plotline, characters and emotion...entertained. Job done thanks.

Absolutely perfect. Nicely done!

Short and sweet. Nothing else needed to be said.

Five Stars

I almost didn't read this. Awful glad I changed my mind.

You hit that one out of the park. 5 Stars.

Terrific. 5 stars only because 10 stars aren’t an option.

Smart young man, stupid mother.

Perfect!

Wow, great story and put together just perfect.

Direct and to the point ,as for the Anons,meh

One of the best for the LW site.

Damn quick but good!

how can a woman that stupid, and selfish, bear a son that intelligent, and brave? Well, at least she was a decent incubator, and apparently an adequate fuck, for a while. I'm thinking her warranty has expired, and she is getting very close to the end of her useful life. Wonder what she'll get for her cheating ass at the second hand store?

Thanks for the effort.

You done good bebop3

Classic flash! Straight in, minimum characters, dialogue, and straight out with a wonderful twist. Great work

Whoosh. Court adjourned. Good one.

Just an excellent word-count controlled short story. Great sculpting of young son's character development in such a short piece. Mega kudos!!

WS

Short and to the point. Way to go kid. Maybe mom should have hit up Edward for the missing sex, he seems to be man enough. At least it could have kept it in the family lol.

Excellent flash, so the breakfast isn’t the only thing down the toilet!

When I was sixteen

it wasn't a very good year—I didn't have a fraction of Edward's wisdom or strength. Loved the story, of course.

Wow hot hard and fast. Hope the divorce goes this quick! Loved it 5 Stars!

Honor, dignity and strength.

Thats the way to do it

Even without the recording, the son's testimony would carry a lot of weight.

Nothing but net!

Missed this when it was first posted. Very interesting treatment of an awkward situation with a young adult. Nice one Bebop.

Doc

Outstanding.

Short, sharp, and to the point! Like Shakespeare' razor...

that was bad ass

mr bill

mic drop

Caught me by surprise and I loved it. Good one!

5 for this story - I really like it.