All Comments on 'Alistaire Ch. 01: Carrie Croenke'

TOP. NOTCH.

...and by the way, your style of writing fits this first chapter superlatively. In case you're a fluke, poltroon or charlatan, I'll not favourite anything quite yet, but I will let my evidential search continue!

All right...I gave it a whole hour until I checked back. Still no sign of Alistaire II. <ironyOFF>

Bloody brilliant!

Very well done, and very happy ending, to provide for what is next and next and next and etc........

Awesome, sexy and so realistic!

Very well done

More please!

Just spectacular. Its so good I think its worth it to go back a fix the few small typos.

One of the best of this style.

Awesome!!! Love a good story where the 'nerd' comes out on top with the 'queen'

Bravo! That is of the hottest, sweetest and most relatable stories I've ever read in this forum. Makes me wish I'd agree to leave Florida when I was 15 to go to boarding school in Connecticut. Also that I would have been in the same graduating class with Jamie Lee Curtis who could have easily been in the movie Al and Carrie watched. I'd write more but I have to jerk off now.

So good…. it deserved to be read twice.

Definitely a wonderful way to lose your v-card... I like the way he stumbles through everything hitting all the buttons in a forrest gump fashion...

Wow, came for porn, but actually ended up admiring the writing in general. I can almost hear Al and Carrie's voices when you write their lines. Awesome job. You really have a handle on your characters and that makes the story a delight to read.

Yet another story featuring the monster cock and him lasting long enough (even though it was his second one of the night) to give her an orgasm from PIV. Not very likely. Not at all realistic. You good writing seemed wasted due to these issues.

A most delightful, sexy encounter. Both protagonists are described enough to be interesting, and the story is sweetly idealistic. A charming, hot moment of escapism to brighten your reading pleasure.

There is no need for me to say more, you have said all.

A well written story. Really enjoyed the subtle build up to it. Even with the forum it being posted on, it could have easily turned into the whole coup de grace of him being told he was such a nice guy and being unceremoniously cast into the friend-zone. A nice read.

You have a very sure touch. Great pacing, and just enough detail to make your characters feel like real people. It's also nice to read without clunky spelling errors, so props to you and your editor (if you have one). My only suggestion would be to use more contractions in dialogue. It can sound strange to 'hear' someone saying "I am going to be here in the summer". 'I'm' or 'I'll' sounds more natural. That's a minor quibble, though. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your stories.

Delightful, well done, with the characters sufficiently well fleshed out. Just simply marvelous.

Great Love Story She is One Great Girl You Better Marry Her RW

Really enjoyed the wry humor of the first time. Al's ability to laugh at himself makes great reading.

A masterpiece! You've created three-dimensional characters -- at least in Al's case -- and have firmly established your luster as a wordsmith. I am blown away with your ability to show us a diffident young man bumbling through his first time, to such splendid effect.

5 stars. Immediately added to Favorites.

Reminds me of my first, clueless time kissing pussy. Like here, I think just being willing to try counted for a lot. Bravo!

You have captured in beautifully crafted prose a young man’s dream. I look forward to more of your stories.

Thanks. Five Stars!

Brilliantly charactised and hot!!

Please keep writing

Ryan 5555

I loved it! I have just tried my hand at writing erotica, and I think your style is similar to what I have produced.

5 stars!

5*

How about a follow on with Carrie over the summer?

Great story, loved it! 5 stars and can't wait to read more...

Fantastic! Loved it! Am moving on to Chapter 2, even though it's not in the category I read - that good!

Loved this! and for once a really nice guy is packing, and she LOVES it, and rogering he gave her, and she's on the Pill, so no problem. Superb First Time, very likable characters and great dialogue

Broke off reading Reputation after 2 chapters(which I'm also loving) to start this...the fact every one of you stories has an H, and quite high scores, no fluke, and well-deserved-you've got a gift!

Plus discovered another budding author-limey Opehlia

Going to have to pace myself with your stories-got other chores to do today-very easy strong 5/Fave/Follow Author-Well Done!

Fantastic first chapter! I enjoy stories that are set up well and you have introduced interesting characters with interesting histories. Can't wait to see what happens next. 5/5*

Great storyline, great writing (and only ONE typo - also amazing!).

-WOW! THANKS ! Looking forward to more of your stories.

I absolutely loved this! You nailed the characters. I truly enjoyed this story and going on that journey with them. Can't wait to read more!

Thanks

In the words of Donald Trump, this election was rigged!

How does a story that reads like a teenagers fantasy - hottest girl in school, sex on first date, losing virginty - make it to #5 in the Hall of Fame? I enjoyed the characters however the story itself is predictable and a little trite. I know it isnt in the Romance category but I'd sure enjoy getting some insight into each of their thoughts as thecrelationship develops.

Oh, please...the story is SSSOOO much more than fun...

You caught the essence of two people who are really attracted to each other, and parties it into (1) him losing his virginity-which he DOES need to tell Carrie she got, and (2) the, at least provisional, promise of future trysts together over the coming summer. Your writing it this way has more than a couple of ways it can resolve...

Carri's relationship with the immediate past 'boyfriend' concerns me; veiled slips/references to him keep popping up. He is a problem, and I mean A REAL PROBLEM, in their future...violence...emotionally demanding?? Whatever, is he gonna make

Oops, hit submit too soon, there...

So, past boyfriend...is he gonna make Al confront him, somehow...make Carrie's life more difficult than he already apparently has??!! Most Concerning!!

As far as the rest of Spring Break and Al, I see twins in his future...one, or both...???!!!

And, of course, I will keep reading...too much interest to let it go now!!

Five**5**Star tale...YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!💯🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉✨✨✨✨✨🤩

Great first chapter, sheer blind luck and a little bit of heart can go an awful long way!

Mind you, a decent sized dick is always going to help matters. 😉

Damn, great story! 5stars

very nice throbbingly nice time to beat off!

Love your writing style, turns of phrase, and playful fun; goes so well with your excellent sex scenes. I’d prefer it if the nerdy geek didn’t also have a giant schlong—that was too much of a cliché—but that was a minor reaction. I will definitely read more of your work, great job.

Great happy story with lots of romance

Good story and well written. Your use of humour was well timed and not overdone. You’re right, it’s a fun genre.

I loved this story. Incredible.

Good work, well written and still erotic even when we can see what's--um--coming. SO different from my own first time. And why not give the guy a huge schlong? It's no less likely than the rest.