All Comments on 'Invisibility at College'

Definitely a cut above many on the site. A few things detract from your writing: you need to proofread more carefully. In the first three paragraphs alone, you're missing the word "be" twice. Some of your turns of phrase are a bit strained; an editor or a good reader can help you with that. But still, a very good first effort. Keep writing!

Good concept, nice description of the girls, althoug a bit more detail would be nice. Things like colours of their clothes, or details of their body. Hope you continue with the threesome!

Fucking hot

I followed you from Kenobi's site to see how you would address the situation. First of all, I would like to say that it is a good first attempt. However I noticed that our female went from being named 'Brianna' and halfway through became Adri (ghost calls from The Invisible Student?).

The marked difference between the two is the obvious. A young man who is armed with this 'power' is gonna want more than one plaything. So you hit that one nicely.

Perhaps a little more attention needed to be directed at our males true intentions towards the red-head. One minute he wanted to satisfy her then next, he's shoving her desires aside for his need. Then afterwards he goes straight for Melnda.

Overall however, it was entertaining.

Nice story for a first submission. I would like to read a little about where the power of invisibility came from and any inherent dangers, like being an unseen pedestrian crossing a road, or in a crowded place, etcetera.

I would like to know how the first seduction takes place. This one presupposes his harem is willing but invading a student's sleeping space or the shower might allow an encounter with an element of, 'What's going on here?', leading to more and more intimate encounters.

Getting steamy with one of his teachers would be fun.

The girl's point of view would also be a good read.

Why did the girl's name change. First it was Brianne, then it was Adrienne ? You should keep the characters names the same throughout the whole story. :)

I really enjoyed reading this one. Would have loved to have more details, about him and how this came to be, about the women, etc.

Please keep writing!