All Comments on 'The New Neighbor'

You’re a noob, so I’ll be gentile.

Present tense is BY FAR the worst way for an amateur writer to structure a story. Many pros have failed at that. Past tense is simpler and more natural for writer and reader.

Backstory, subtext and prior character development go along way to writing an engaging tale.

Also, there are two types of readers here:

1. The JerkyJerky Boyz (and perhaps Gurlz). They come to masturbate, looking for anything to help them achieve a climax they’ve never received from another human.

2. Sexually aware individuals who come here for a well written piece of erotica.

To whom would you rather address your efforts?

This one trends heavily towards the former. Is that what you wanted?

Hate stories written first person. Use names not pronouns!

Author notes that the story is written 1st person. It's damn confusing when the 1st person keeps switching.

Rapierwit24601, I appreciate your feedback and insight. I agree with your comments and if I were writing a novel which I've done previously I would definitely follow your second comment but these short stories I post here are strictly for entertainment. They can be used by the reader as they choose. I enjoy the quick excitement factor over the longer drawn out character build up. As far as what I want, it doesn't really matter as much as what the reader wants. Thanks again for your insight.

BTW: This is written in second person, which is stupid because it's like telling the subject what they already know because they lived through it.

The back and forth of now I'm male now I'm female destroys any continuity, and thus any interest. That, combined with the lack of character(s) and lack of tension makes this a futile read, I'm afraid. I'd start all over again, past tense, one narrator, and a more interesting plot.

Read and just commented on “The Office” (enjoyed), so am returning to this piece — not sure why I didn’t comment initially because I thought the piece intriguing. Bit surprised by some comments, because I found the first person approach easy to follow while it sustained/even escalated the sex playing out in front of us. Anonymity a plus.

Sadly more confusing than erotic.

Thank you friend