All Comments on 'Hallelujah Ch. 03'

by SirThopas

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10 Comments

Anonymousover 13 years ago

great job

describing the fight, could almost feel the terror and pain, more realistic than most I've read

hikewithapack over 13 years ago

concerned about direction story is going.

You have a lot of talent. Your dialog is strong. The characterization is great. My problem is that this guy is incredibly weak. Come on. His life is in the garbage for years because his first love leaves him? It happens to all of us. Sure, we mope around but we don't let it effect every phase of our lives. I am losing my patience with this guy. As a consequence, I will lose my patience with this story if his self-pitying ways continue. I thought that I would dislike Jasmine based on chapter 1, but I don't see that she has really done anything wrong. Stuff happens. People change.

Anonymousover 13 years ago

Barefoot or shoes

This is becoming a great story! I look forward to new chapters.

I think you screwed up about the footwear of the husband. He is barefoot so Jake can't hear him coming. Two paragraphs later, "His boot swings up into my guts."

DanielQSteele1 over 13 years ago

This is a great story.

I'll say it agian. This is a great story. I read the first chapter and coulnd't get into it for some reason. I stumbled onto the third chapter, got hooked and went back and read the whole thing.I'm really hooked now.. I don't care where you're going with this, I'm going to follow it. And hope there's a happy ending somewhere at the end.

apollona almost 13 years ago

Jeeze...

Fuck you're a good writer. When I grow up, I wanna write like this...

Harryin VA almost 13 years ago

great story and you are stunningly GREAT writer BUT

This guy is fucking pussy!!! Did you find this wimp from a matt Moreau reject pile.

He helps this musician make a great son... he gets fired

he tell the musucian his life story... he is pennileiss

The guy's Boss at the studio scream at him Humilates him and he never says a word

He doesnt want to cheat with marired woman BUT he cant say NO

God I am happy Jasmine fucked him over

Fighting41 over 12 years ago

Great Wrting

This story has the greatest sentence I have read on Lit

"If I had to guess, I'd say Buck isn't much of a fighter either, but he apparently has this one thing that he can handle like a fucking ninja: a wine bottle."

Classic I love it

Anonymousabout 12 years ago

Garbage by ab uneducated Brit lowlife.

1 star !