All Comments on 'In The Mirror Behind The Bar'

It is pretty good for a first posting, but. At the start of the story you implied that you had met her "about four weeks ago" and then the affair goes on for months. The time line gets screwed up in a lot of stories so please don't worry, just be more careful next time.

It's kinda nice to see a character with character some times.

Pretty fair first shot. Don't worry if you hear from some of the story Nazis.

I like it. One would think from most of the stories on this site that the other man knows he's stealing anothers woman, that he has no problem doing so and that he often gets off on the fact that he's pulling a fast one on the unknowing husband. I sure hope that in the real world most guys are more likely to be like our good guy in this story. Under the dust on our brain cells is the words from Sunday school "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" right wing religious folks tend to irritate me, but Ive found those words to be a good way to fashion your life. Thanks for submitting.

... like Kenny Rogers "Lucille." Thank you. Very good entertainment. Keep on writing.

. . . perspective and conclusion. Pretty good story.

Different and powerful view of the Loving Wife Relationship.

I am surprised that the husband stayed to talk with her!

Was her mother in on the scam?

Well written and with an economy of words that was very enjoyable to read and follow. A small peca-dildo...the ending was a bit cute and lacked the drama of the rest of the story. With the main character named Jake and a slight noir feel to the story....maybe an ending with a play on Chinatown. "Forget it Jake, it's Charley's or "Forget it Jake she's a slut" or with the mirror theme..."Bad for glass". ( I certainly realize, in rereading, my suggestions are very cliched so forget it...your ending is much better). Anyway a good story that I enjoyed. Thank you.

I liked it. Both Jake and Donnie were being played by Gillian. Yeah Jake knew she was married when they started this thing but she led him to believe that she was getting a divorce, so can't fault him in this situation.

At least Jake had the decency to let the husband know what was going on. He may think he's still in love with her but he'll get over it. She wanted to have her cake and eat it to, and hopefully she ends up with nothing.

The plot was fresh and original, and you have a nice command of the language. Better, your sentences are well crafted, not too long unless otherwise called for, and the paragraphs are well constructed.

Does this sound like condescending advice? It shouldn't. Frankly, 90% of the writers on this site don't come to the table the first time with such sound basic writing skills.

In telling the story, though, I'd use dialogue more and descriptive prose less. You have Jake describe himself through what other people have told him; better to have had Gillian make a comment about his looks. You describe their conversations rather than giving us the full dialogue. In short, dialogue can be far more revealing of each person's inner thoughts than descriptive prose.

Either way, please keep up the great work!

In the beginning you tell Jimmy you met her 4 weeks ago in the bar, then suddenly you were with her for 6 months.

Short and sweet.

Actually, I really liked the story. Until that last line.

How'd Jake Riley become Jake Reynolds? Maybe he's Riley when hes mostly Irish, and Reynolds the rest of the time.

You almost described me before I was married. I have A good slut radar, but I am sure it failed occasionally as the number of drinks increased. This was a slice of life for many. This is the kind of thing that has made men more skeptical. I have been told that the dating scene sucks now because of lies and misdirection. The man in this story did the right thing, I would want to know. Of course many men would not have said a thing and would have continued to fuck the woman. I say they are sad bastards who can't find any better. This was a good story with a good twist. Carry on.

Gillian was trouble. He acted correctly, but his actions were based on the lies she told him.

Tighten up the editing of your storyline and it would be awesome, JMO.

One state to the guy that hated the last line, you know whether you are a hang the bitch and leave her in your kind or one the more turn the cheek king of guy though you break up with her, has nothing to do with loving or not loving the slut. Oh the hell I put my ex through when I caught her cheating and want nothing to do with her, but I'd be lying if I told you anything other than as much as I hate what she did and cannot forgive her, I still love the whore.

minus 1 for the snitch.

Several of the other comments are constructive. I think a second chapter should follow soon. Don't you?

Thank you for sharing this story and keep on writing.

Totally realistic. The truth is, if you truly loved a woman, you don't stop loving her the instant you find she cheated. If you did, then you wouldn't even care that she cheated. There would be no pain. There wouldn't be any emotions. You'd just walk away and not care. Like tossing out a paper cup after drinking the contents. Anyone who says they can toss her aside like a used paper cup never really loved her. Or...it's just the pain doing the talking. A self defense mechanism to try to lessen the pain.

As for Donnie, I can tell you that if he really loves her, he can get passed this. While it's no fun being cheated on, being alone is no picnic either, and I have seen plenty of married men who are alone even while they are married. In loveless marriages that have devolved into mere roommate arrangements. Now that really sucks.

Simple fact is, this woman may very well be a great wife for Donnie. I've seen many cases where one spouse cheated but they get passed it and actually have a better relationship as a result. It's better because at the moment the cheating is exposed, BOTH of them see their relationship on the edge of a cliff. They both have a choice...allow it to tumble over the edge and deal with the wreckage, which is no picnic, I assure you, or they fight for it and save it.

As for Gillian, she is certainly not perfect, but she must have a lot of great qualities because she has two men in love with her. Nobody is perfect. How did she come to cheat? Is it a case of having a great relationship with her husband that has also become too safe, too tame, and thus boring?

Many people who cheat will tell you that they never intended to cheat, just flirt with the idea of it. But never go through with it. Could be a woman who simply starts flirting with the really hot delivery guy that stops in her place of business every day. After awhile, he seems safe, and truth is, the flirting makes you want more. She believes that she can let it go a little further and stop at any time that it feels like it has gone to far. But the problem is, it is like a drug. You use it to get that thrill you used to get when you were single and dating somebody knew. You think it's all safe. But it's like climbing a ladder up a water tower. Jumping to the top is out of the question, but one rung at a time and before you know it, you are on top, even if you didn't plan to get there.

So they trade phone numbers and talk here and there. Then send flirty texts. One day he stops in and has arranged to be able to take lunch. He offers to buy her lunch...assuring her they are just friends.

This leads to stopping for a drink, maybe at a gourmet coffee shop at first, but eventually leads to stopping for an alcoholic drink. Then it's dinner and drinks. Then dinner, drinks and dancing. Before you know it, the fires are stoked so hot, it eventually leads to a kiss goodnight, then making out, and eventually sex. If you notice, it is much like a virgin being seduced. One little step at a time. Most cheaters will tell you that the first time was very hard. After that, there may or may not be a period of regret, but it can very likely lead to more. Just like with a virgin. Once you've done it, and the world doesn't end, it is easy to keep doing it. Easier anyway.

Anyway, stories like this play out every day. The truth is, Donnie and Gillian will likely save their marriage. She's clearly no ordinary woman and only a fool would just go off the deep end and throw it away without attempting to save the marriage first. I get the feeling that Donnie is the type that is a fighter so he will fight for the marriage. So it's up to Gillian. Will she do what is necessary to save the marriage? I have a feeling she will. It appears she had simply thought she could have her cake and eat it too. She now knows this isn't an option. She has to choose life without her husband, or life without an affair. I believe she choose Donnie.

Some of the technical criticisms may have merit. . . I tend to not notice errors if the story is good, and this story was very good.

Thank you

The player gets played and then act like a pussy and tells her husband. What a punk. I know you are new to the site but how about a part two. "Thanks For The Great Read"

A crisp, short, very effective story. Hope we'll be seeing many more from you.

Thanks,

ohio

Dittos to ohio.

Real? Yeah! In my twenties I met a woman who said she was single, living at home. We hooked up occasionally. Then it came out that she was separated. Ok, no big deal. We continued to hook up. Then by her slip of the tongue, I figured that her husband still lived in her parents home with her. Not good, but she covered it, explaining that they were both students and her parents were kind enough to let him stay until the semester ended (it was his last). Strange, but it was her life. We kept on keeping on. Then I read a story in the paper one morning about a guy who tried to drive his Corvette into his in-laws rural home but missed and just tore off the front porch as he careened into the woods. State troopers estimated he had to be going over 100mph. He was in the hospital in serious but stable condition. You guessed it, his last name was the same as hers. She came around to see me shortly after (with her little boy - sur-f'in-prise!). She figured I knew the whole story by then, so what the heck. I would not hook up. I know I was too young to have enough red blood cells to get enough oxygen to my brain when her pussy was within 100 feet of me, but by that time, even I got the picture. I didn't want to take that boy's father from him, no matter what else was going on with his parents. I don't know if I was the only one, because it was just occasional. And I don't know his story -- or their story -- but she taught me to be skeptical. Trust, but verify.

Unfortunately there are too many wives like Gillian. I liked the story and will be looking for more in the future.

I enjoyed your story. Yes, your time line kind of threw me off at first.

Another sentence also caused me to wonder at first. Jake writes, [quote] My marriage is over but I don't want to rub his nose in it, she told me. [end quote] At first, it reads as if Jake were married. Rinquest is correct in pointing out that dialog would have worked much better.

I point this out because you really are an excellent writer and story teller. I liked the realistic response he crafted. Thanks!

Ttom

... With the person who said Donnie seemed like the type who would fight for his marriage. Perhaps he would with a woman worth fighting for, but I don't think Gillian is worth it. Forget for the moment about the betrayal of her husband's trust and chucking her wedding vows in the toilet and concentrate on the sheer volume of lies she told to keep her affair going. She constantly lied to both of them the entire time she was seeing Jake, and some of the things she said about her husband were just plain mean. I think calling him a slovenly, fat, sweaty pig shows a serious lack of respect that will rear it's ugly head again. I've been the wrong corner of a love triangle more times that I'd care to admit and the few times I thought there was something worth fighting for I found I was wrong for one reason or another. One time it ended eventually because she fell right back into her bad behavior and was cheating again in a month. Another time it was because she didn't like how long it was taking to earn back my trust. I know everyone looks at this subject differently and we're all entitled to our own opinions, but I think lies, betrayal and untrustworthiness (spellcheck says that's a word so I'll go with it) are all something we try to avoid in a significant other.

Entertaining story and well written. Your time line was off but that's just a technicality that can be easily remedied. Looking forward to reading more of your stories. Actually, I just noticed that is was just a wrong word mistake. Jake told Jimmy that he first saw Gillian about four weeks ago when I think you meant four months ago. Even smaller error. Well done

There was no reason to act like a 6 year old spoiled brat. He found out so he should have just walked away. Instead was viscious ass that harmed two people without any justification.

once again Dworncok cuckold wanna be has spoken. Yet again the man was wrong, I'm sorry you married a slut Dwornock, maybe next time you can suck the cum out of her next lover dick, yea I though you would like that.

Justification, like perfection, is relative. The only standard is a personal one, and not necessarily a common one. I think rating "old hide" stories with a "1*" is a prime example of just how unbounded justification really is.

By any standard, at least by those who hate being cuckolded, she is a lying, cheating slut. Any damage to be had was already done, it was just a matter of time before it was revealed. Personally, if I were the clueless husband, I'd be thankful if someone clued me in. I wouldn't like what I'd hear, but I'd be appreciative. I don't know about being clued in by my wife's lover, as that would be one of those conundrums.

Anyway, if fictional stories were written to abide by the realities of life, we would have what we already have on TV...reality shows. And I get enough of that without watching TV and I sure as hell wouldn't want to read about it.

I have issues with you. You are arbitrary, refuse to engage in any suspension of disbelief, and have this extraordinarily rigid view of reality which doesn't stand up to real life.

Then you say stupid shit like this. SHE was already hurting her marriage. Her husband didn't know is all. Maybe the other guy should have just walked so Gillian could have found Cpt. STD or The Stalking Abuser who would REALLY mess with his world. That would be much better, I'm sure.

As a married dude, I'd be crushed but I would prefer to know. But somehow you would prefer that the boyfriend gives her the latitude to continue to screw around. How noble of you. I hope none of my friends share your ethics.

But you seem to LOVE this attention, which makes you a pretty low genus of troll. How very sad that you can't actually make a positive contribution to the site and so need attention that you need to indulge in these juvenile practices.

Some of you miss the point. In relationship stories, believability is huge. The reader has to buy in to the characters & the situation to get enjoyment from the piece. In these stories, realism is the basis that draws the reader in; I'm not saying dull, mundane, or everyday situations, just people & situations that make you say "yeah, I could see that..."

Having said that, I liked this story. The situations & characters rang true to me, and made me want to read the tale to conclusion.

Sorry, just had to say it.

Any story that exposes the cheating wife as the whore she is, whether it is believable or not, is a great story to me. I hate cheating wives. Burn them all.

HA

Most cheaters will cheat again and again. I detest cheaters be they female or male but by the boyfriend ratting her out he has unleashed a whole bunch of heartache on himself, her and her husband plus a lot of collateral heartache to friends and relatives. And ,since the husband was not a friend, he simply got his own payback and most likely passed her on to some other poor sucker. Maybe cheaters should be tried and, if found guilty, have their faces dyed red with indelible ink. What am I saying? Then no one would be writing about my favorite subject !

I liked our Hero's integrity, Sweetie is a lying slut and Hubby needed to be aware that he was being cuckolded. Whatever transpires, both Hubby and Sweetie will be better off for our Hero's disclosure. I hope Hero gets over his infatuation. Find another lady who can suck-start a Harley!

The story was well told (several have commented on the need to edit things like time-lines!) Also, several have passed on good advice about writing mechanics.

4*

He can't have her so he fucks up her marriage?

"He can't have her so he fucks up her marriage?"

So you'd rather be stuck in a marriage with a woman feeding you creampies? Ignorance is bliss in your view. You'll just wait for the STD to deliver the message. And with any luck it'll be a death sentence.

The only answer to lies and betrayal is the truth. Everyone has the right to know the truth. Criminals, deceivers, users, should not be allowed to hide and go unmarked. They are a bane on society. Stop calling these cheaters whores! A whore is generally not a liar, deceiver or cheater. Quite the opposite, they rarely conceal what they do for a living. If they have a spouse or lover or pimp - they are aware of the situation. A whore is a step or two up from a cheater. It is not so much the sex as it is the betrayal.

As for the damage done by revealing the truth, it is like the pain from cleaning out an infected wound. It hurts, but it is the best, fastest way to start the healing process. Although, generally it is best to amputate the infected wife from the host. He usually heals quicker and fares better. Most often he will be able to graft a new and hopefully better wife in her place.

The skank gets her due. Maybe her lie has come full circle.

Thanks for the effort.

I just wish I could have had my moment at Charley's

In our case, she chose to stay with her husband because of their daughter. A fact I learned much later. It still hurts!

there ought-a be a law. TK U MLJ LV NV

Going by the date I believe this was one of the first tales I commented on when I started making comments. Read it again made me realize it was the boyfriend who was broken up finding out his girl was married. Just goes to show that a cheating wife can hurt many people by her actions. Fucking worthless cunt.

5

You spoilt a really good story by getting your timeline completely screwed up. At the beginning Jake starts telling Jimmy how he been scammed by a woman (Gillian) he'd met 4 ( four ) weeks ago. Then he explains how the two of them spent 6 months meeting most Wednesday & Fridays nights screwing at his apartment; so that means he met her about October because it was 1st April ( or is this an April fool joke I missed ) that he saw her with hubbie in Charleys. He must have known her for at least 6 months not 4 - 5 weeks, not a real major blue I know but if you're going to use a definite timeline then GET IT RIGHT. Otherwise well written. 3 ***

All these stories have love lurking around the edges if not squarely in the middle. Loving anyone, even a bad person is never a total loss. It is always good to love and it is always good to know when the person you are with does not love you and is destructive of you if in only by taking your love and not returning it. Love is good because it is something that you create in your heart and share with another person. The ability to create love and to share it are skills that need to be developed and honed. So, loving a dud is a loser in the end, but good practice if you know when to quit and move on.

By writing something stupid like; he loves her. (Geddit?)

The single people that cheaters are screwing are rarely fully to blame. They do deserve part of the blame, but they are not the ones that swore loyalty and fidelity. They're not the ones that are married, they are taking what is offered. They lack in morals, are are despicable people, but the one that took those vows, and selfishly chose to break them, should shoulder the majority of the blame! Idiots say things like "But he knew that she was married", without realising the stupidity of that statement. He may have known she was married, but do you think for a second that the married cheater simply FORGOT? If 'he' knew, what do you think that 'she' knew, seeing as 'she' is the one wearing the ring?

I really liked this. Written from the "other man's," point of view was neat. As writers we tend to always make a other man a slime-ball but we forget there are circumstances when the other man is a victim, too.

This got high marks from me and I enjoyed the read.

He handled the problem in adult fashion, didn't hesitate to tell the husband once he was positive she was married. He apologized and let the husband know that they both had been lied to. Great job writing, it's totally believable. Thanks for a good read.

5 Stars. She pretty much got what was coming to her. Too bad two innocent guys got

fucked over. No pun intended.

Any reconciliation will need a boatload of atonement, should be near impossible. Not sure why you have a part 2.

Since you asked, I have to admit you did a pretty fair job. Main characters identified well for a very short story. Plot idea made and went to the ending without wasting a lot of space. A rather interesting tale of a lady who wants her cake and it it also. Ooops, it looks like she dropped it on the floor. A 4 in my nook.

I couldn’t help it, the last sentence of the story made me laugh. Yeah, if he is still in love with the bitch, he really is fucked. Pretty good story.

I liked that there weren’t a lot of drawn out scenes. No flashbacks to school days, daddy’s job and mom’s volunteer work. All that useless fluff many writers insist on putting in their stories. “Stuff” that, for me, only detract from the meat of the plot and can turn what could be a 5 star story into a 2 or 3 star “also ran”. This one is a short and sweet 5 star story.

Loved it. Lean, concise, no extra words. Just a good, hard hitting story.

Short and to the point. He owed the husband more than he owed the wife.

That is one good little story.

Bros before hos? I don't think self-righteous is the way to go here. He knew she was jerking him around when she kept giving him excuses. He just didn't want to admit he got played and his feelings got hurt. Guy's a jerk.

4 stars and only because you did not explore enough details about Gillian's relationship with her husband after the expose. It would have been nice to know that she ended up with neither man, her husband divorced her and she lived alone for months, even years.

The heart wants, what the heaert wants. You have no congrol over who you fall in love with.

He let his heart blind him to what he knew all along. Tough way to play it out though. He showed his metal if he dumped her even if he still loved her

2nd time through and its still a barn burner!!

Ethics and character. Thanks, a pleasant read.

Good beginning!

4

I hated that high and mighty attitude. when you mess with married people SHIT HAPPENS and THAT IS ON YOU.

how does he have the right to destroy a marriage (even a shitty one)? come down from your high horse and fuck off.

So wait. Many commenters on here think that the MC is a jerk for telling her husband about her cheating on him continuously for six months once or twice a week? And all her lies? You can't say it was none of his business. He was the other man. He only found out recently. He had ethics and principles. It wasn't a one night hot fling. She was maliciously lying to both men to get her side action. It wad clear her husband didn't know. It wasn't some secret revenge plot. They had hot monkey sex for six months. That is a full blown affair. As a husband being cheated on, is would want the lie to be perpetuated? Maybe he handles it differently with anonymous tips but then his ass could be in the firing line.