All Comments on 'Punished as a Family'

I'm not fond of story's told from the third party view, try rewriting the story from a first party view, instead of you did this I did this or he did this, flesh it out a bit.

Telling it from the perspective of a person "in" the story is one thing, but first-person-present (or "as it happens" as opposed to "something that happened"--emphasis on past tense) is reserved for whatever fantasies you're whacking to as you type. "I'm reading your story. Your story is not good. I'm giving it a poor rating and expressing my opinion in a public comment. Now I'm moving on to another story..."

the story has nothing, there was no build up and very boring

When working from a first-person perspective, you need to have it clear at all points who exactly is doing the narration. I felt at times like anyone could have been doing the narration, as well as it seemed to slip into the third person as well.

not a bad premise but you sped through it so fast the story suffered alot

that I'm still laughing.

Some buildup would be nice.

How do the people look?

What happend for them to deserve this treatment?

Why is this story only 5 line?

Sorry Sarah but this is now the worst story on Literotica by FAR.

This is just a little bit of constructive criticism. First let me say it was a good premise. I liked the aggressiveness of the dad and your attempt at treating his daughter like the submissive slut that she is but still giving hints that she is still daddy's little girl, even showing that fatherly pride as she sucks his dick. What I didn't like was it's length, take your time. Set the story and the scenes up. Every story needs a beginning, middle and end. Tell us how mom, dad and daughter got into this relationship? How old is the daughter? What does mom, dad and baby girl look like? How many spankings did he give each of them? Was he rougher with mom or daughter? This story has promises of something really good but it just need to be developed. I gave it 4 stars because I can see that there is an idea behind the story. Don't stop writing. Stay with this story, rewrite it, and repost it. I'd be happy to read it again with some changes. I bet you could squeeze 5 stars out of me.

P.S.

Notice I didn't post my comment under a cowardly "Anonymous" tag. Shoot me an email if you have questions.