tis the season, if you wish you will get a real comment,
otherwise fa-la-la la-la-la, ooops wrong season, left a gift of 5 (i hope)
I like this, it has a nice rhythm and it's open enough conceptually to remain interesting. I think it could be stronger by taking out some of the words (e.g. the two "Withs" at the beginning of lines 2 and 4 do not really add anything) although that would also mean adjusting the rhythm. I think you are missing a final S on turns in the third stanza? And the fourth stanza rhyme sounds off to me. But overall - a 5.
Thank you both. Have you read the other one I wrote. Its called Time of Old.
one broken heart speaks volumes to the other
look to change your lifes work, TK U MLJ LV NV
is called a Rood, and you pick deep and controversial subjects to write about, TK U MLJ LV NV
but its because of how my brain works. I am constantly thinking of something off the wall, something morbid or something controversial. What can I say... I am weird.
Well she married me.
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