I was glad I didn't have to read what the father did to him - it was bad enough to read what the little girl look like when she was found !!! Of course, my plans for him would have been a hell of a lot worse then anything you could of written !!! A well written great and understandable story - thank you. At least I know now that I'm not the one who feels that way !!!
This was a truly remarkable piece of writing, John. I hope that putting it down so lucidly might help you to move on. I would like to think that is what your wife would say, too. Thank you, and I hope your Christmas is better than you expect it to be -- five stars and a big hug.
I am quite certain rats will do just as goody. TK U MLJ LV NV
Oh man. Sad just doesn't give this justice. This fate should never happen to anyone. Damn this tale choked me up.
God help all of us
The way you have thought about what you want to say and can put it so succinctly, is a huge affirmation of your talent. To be able to convey the emotion and the raw realities of grief in such a short is masterful. It is really melancholic and exposes such a rawness that I seldom see or feel vicariously through literature. Moving.
Well written. So much pain. I hope there is a sequel where he finds a reason/someone to live for.. to love.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks again for this series. I'm hooked. I'm wondering who's Moriarty...of all those present at that reunion....
I read this story when RP first posted it and enjoyed it then and like a good wine I think it was even better with age. I had a smile on my face the whole time I was reading it. I guess now I will have to reread more of his stories.
*Well written and so, so sad. You could sure feel his sorrow. The only thing that would have made it better was if, somehow, on Christmas Eve Santa had arranged a replacement for him. 5 *'s.
That was heavy!
I thought it strange, may be some kind of emotional protective response from me, but your brief vignette brought back a memory of my own.....
A million years ago, it seems-back in our early 20s, a few buddies of mine lived a bachelor existance in what was absolutely a party house. After the first year of christmas decorating, they never took down the tree. It stayed up in the corner of the common room year round. People invited over would always ask why didn't they ever take down the tree? The running joke was that they were too busy and/or drunk and/or stoned to get around to it. "may be tomorrow". And the "real" reason was that some drunk asshole vomited in the damn box that the fake tree had come in, so there was no way to store it. And so that damn tree stayed up year after year, until they finally moved out.
But it seems the real reason was actually that Dan, (the main guy on the lease), didn't have too many happy memories of Christmas. He was the only child of parents with a bad marriage; he spent too many christmases looking forward to something special, that never amounted to anything more than disappointment. His first "Merry" Christmas was the first one that he spent, on his own- but with roommates/friends, and parties. It was admittedly corny, but keeping that tree up year-round helped him to realize that there COULD be magic at christmas time, and it WAS something to look forward too after all. At the very least, all of the questions about 'why was the tree up' would stop for about a month or so.
The answers as to 'why' for this story DO rely in the basic human need to get out and about with other people. Isolation and lonliness become a breeding ground for despair. I'm not sure this message will help you win any holiday story contest. But I am sure that it is no small accomplishment, to tell such a big story with so few words.
It is a good job to bring about such emotion with your writing.
I just fear that MOST people won't be so receptive to sharing these feelings.
Sadly, the score will probably reflect this. But keep writing anyway, and thanks.
I couldn't vote on this story. I think it was written well, although it was short. The reason I could not vote is because it was so sad, sorry.
Hello I am curious how this will develop. Keep up the excitement maybe you will make it a real erotic story - as he is named Victor it must be a male. Good luck
This as an old story, I had worked on over several years, left unfinished and then recently decided to finish off-as -is and post.
From what notes I left myself, this work was based on several different onepercenter scandals.
For those of you who did comprehend correctly, yes, this is a polemic against the American system defending and advocating Socialist corruption on behalf of the Wealthy and the crushing burden of pseudo-capitalist kleptocracy that burdens the rest of us.
Recently, another writer called our system an oligarchy and I had to argue she is wrong. We actually are a plutocracy.
An oligarchy is a meritocracy that accepts social responsibilities and civic duties.
That sure as fuck doesn't describe our present ruling class of bloated entitled degenerates.
As for being a man-hater, sorry to burst your bubble little boys, with my big prick. In stories such as this one, just gender reverse the dialogue.
Originally I tentatively wrote the protagonist, Maddie, as a male and Johnny as a woman of the Paris Hilton, celebrity/uselessness archetype.
However, being a sadistic bastard who enjoys tormenting you spelunkers, that switch was the only major change I made to this storyline.
And, for those of you who criticize my writing style, I piss on the grave of your dead religion of Academic English.
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